Monday, December 7, 2009

Let it snow

Well, it is here. The first snow of the season.
I got out of bed this morning and looked out the nearest window, just to be shocked into delight at the fresh white blanket covering the ground and everything else in view. I smiled as I thought of this upcoming Christmas season and how fun it was going to be. Snow just makes Christmas for me.

As I was sweating and running around like a crazy lady quietly and peacefully picking up my house this morning I kept seeing the glittery snow out of the corner of my eye. At one point, I stopped dead in my tracks as I remembered the first snowfall last year...and how different it was.

I remember getting out of bed last year around this time, and seeing the first snowfall of the winter season. Instead of being delighted, I stared at the frozen landscape and cried. Then I sobbed. Then I crawled right back inside my bed and wept some more.

I was so upset I could not share the wonder and majesty that is the first fallen snow with my baby girl. Who would have been just old enough to enjoy it. She would have stared in awe and amazement at the cold, white, fluffy ground covering. It would have been so much fun to show her. It would have been such a joy to see her face take it all in. To hear her reaction would have been priceless. Instead, I was alone, no baby, no joy...just sadness and emptiness.

Oh what a difference a year in the hands of God can make. Not only did I delight in this first snow, but I had almost completely forgotten my reaction to this same incidence just one year ago. The Great physician, healing my wounded soul...

I thought, last year, when I was so wrapped up in my pain and hurt, that I would never enjoy the first snowfall again. I thought it would always remind me of what I missed out on with Caden.

Now I know different. To me, the first snowfall is not a reminder of what never was, but of healing and making new, because that is what God is doing. He is taking what was broken in my heart and making it whole. My emptiness is becoming full. Full of faith in His word. Joy in what he has given, and hope for what he has in store.

Although there is still pain and hurt...it is not like it was. It is not so raw all the time. It is not so unbearable. It is not so constant. God is healing a broken heart.

So this year, and for all the years to come, I hope to say, let it snow!

3 comments:

Just Me - The Champion said...

Cari, you seriously blow me away. What God is doing in you just amazes me. Your blogs minister to me and I've not even gone through what you have. My prayer is that this post reach so many Mommies who have been through the loss of a child. I am blessed to know you. I am blessed to know your heart and I pray that God just saturate your Christmas season with joy, peace and most of all an abundance of love. Peace to you girlfriend as you enjoy the season. Lv, jen

Heidi @ Indy Photography said...

The Lord has been so good to you! Praise God you were able to enjoy the first snowfall this year and delight in such a great miracle!

katherine said...

i love you, my friend.

i also would like you to know that, this year, it snowed in dallas before it snowed in indianapolis. it's COLD here!