Breakdown 101

To successfully achieve this particular breakdown you will need the following: One exhausted mom, one sick babe, and a fairly recent crisis involving another sick baby.
Once all are accounted for you are on your way.

First the baby must be ill. Lots of nasty coughing resulting in poor attitude and general all-around unpleasantness. Add a low grade fever and some cough/gag induced vomiting and you are off to a good start. The uncomfortable ness of the cough and fever will cause said baby to wake multiple times in the middle of the night. This, in turn, will cause the mother to become very tired and “fed-up” with the situation in general. Add to this the constant worry about the child and his health because of past experiences and you are on your way.

Once all factors have come into play it is just a waiting game. A fussy baby who has just vomited on his mother who is dressed and ready to out to lunch with an out of town friend is sure to speed up the process. After calling to cancel and changing the baby for the 47th time the mother will most likely snap at her husband in a very unladylike and unchristian way. She should then proceed to storm about the house with angry/distraught tears streaming down her face.

When she gathers enough of herself together to try and feed the baby again she will begin the actual breakdown itself. Sobs and copious amounts of tears will present themselves as she sits on the floor of the nursery feeding the baby. Once baby is asleep she will slump out of the room with the energy and go-getting attitude of a sloth.

When eyes are red-rimmed and all the tears have been shed, you can consider the breakdown a success. Congratulations! You have just completed your first baby-is-sick-and-you-have-had-enough breakdown!

Once breakdown has occurred there are many things one could do as a follow up. The mother could sit and wallow in a self-induced pity party. She could become angry that this has happened and stomp about the area at hand slamming and throwing things. She could declare loudly that she needs some air and go out into the sub-degree weather for a walk. Or, if she is like our most recent subject, she could sniff her way into her bedroom, look sadly at her husband and cry some more saying she is tired and does not like it when her son is sick. If the mother follows this last option she will find loving arms and an encouraging pep talk. As well as a “get dressed and go meet your friend, it is not too late…I will take care of him.”

The mother will then swell with gratitude and love towards her husband. As she is gone having a wonderful lunch with said friend, the baby gets a well deserved, extra long nap and is in great spirits by the time the mother gets home. Extra prayers for the health of the baby and thanks to God for the provision of a loving husband and reprieve from worry and fear are a good way to end on an upswing.

Although worry and fear are a side effect of most child-is-sick induced breakdowns, it does not have to be. A good dose of trust in God’s character and scripture will keep them at bay.

Good luck!