Friday, July 31, 2009


So yesterday...being the magical day of of rain, sunshine, rain that it was, was also a day of memories...well in a photo-printed-on-paper kinda know, the, now we will always remember him at 6 weeks, kinda memory.
Heidi, over at Indy Photography did a bang up job on the pics. Rigg was resplendent in all kinds of hats and angelic in slumber. Please reroute yourself over to her lovely photo blog to see some this!

Thanks Heidi...we had a wonderful time...Rigg told me later that your blankets were super soft and comfy...just the way he likes 'em! Oh, and your house was plenty warm.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

How do I tell him?

A long, long time ago, in a far away land, a princess had a chance meeting with a boy. He was handsome and charming. They sat and talked about life and what they wanted from it. Then it began to rain, and the princess knew she must leave. Later, after the wet clothes were long gone and the rain had all but soaked the countryside, the princess thought often of the young man, his face, his voice and his dreams. Little did she know she was as much a part of his future as he was of hers...

OK, so it was not that long ago...about 6 years and, well, not a prince and princess, per se, but me and the Captain...and not a far away land, necessarily, but 3 hours south of home...and not a chance meeting, we were staying with friends, and actually, went down together...but the rest of it is true...

So the summer we went on the mission trip to Bulgaria (and yes for whoever asked, it was Sofia) we went on a weekend trip to a friends house...about 10 of us. One evening, I was swimming in the pool, trying to persuade the Captain to join me, but he has this thing about swimming in pools, well a thing about swim wear actually, which I still do not understand...I digress. Anyhoo...we were chatting and talking about you might recall from an earlier post, I had just broken up with a very serious, long time I was rather intrigued with where God and my life would take me...because it, life, had changed so dramatically in such a short period of time. During the course of our musings, the Captain said something that I have recalled many a time over the last few years. I am sure of all the things the Captain has said to me, many of which he would be delighted if I could but conjure up at the appropriate occasion, this is not one he might remember...but I do. I think because I had never heard anyone say it. Most people, when talking about life, want something fantastic, they want fortune, or fame or, well, something extraordinary. But the Captain told me, when he thinks about what he wants for his life, he wants to "be an average Joe". He went on to explain that he did not want fortune or fame, but what he wanted was a close relationship with Christ. A solid marriage, to be a good dad to his kids and a loyal work a steady job, pay all his bills on time and "not stand out".

Since that conversation, I have fallen in love and married the Captain. And I have replayed that conversation in my head multiple times since.

The first time I really screwed up after we were married, and he immediately forgave me...and I thought... How do I tell him?

All the times he sent me flowers to work for no reason at all...and made all the other women green with do I tell him?

When he let me buy a dress just because " it called to me" even though he had to sacrifice something he might have "needed" do I tell him?

When I told him he was going to be a daddy for the first time and he raised a triumphant fist in the do I tell him?

When he loved and kissed on his baby do I tell him?

When she died, all too soon...and he cried, and yet, was still a rock for do I tell him?

When we got pregnant again and he smiled and cried at the good news...How do I tell him?

When he was told he had a brain tumor, and when asked if he was scared, his response was, only for me and what I was going to have to go do I tell him?

When he had to work really hard to recover from surgery, and he never do I tell him?

When he held his son for the first time and thanked Jesus for a healthy baby do I tell him?

When he sits alone every morning with his coffee and his do I tell him?

When he comes home from work every day, tired, and still does the dishes or mows the do I tell him?

How do I tell him that he left average in the dust a long time ago...

Monday, July 27, 2009

nothing more than feelings

I feel weighed down today.
I have been sitting in front of my computer screen crying for the last few minutes, heck, maybe more than a few...I am not keeping count.
Lately, I have been looking at pictures of my daughter trying to remember. Her smile, her laugh, her smell, the crazy way her hair grew, the fat chubs around her wrists and is almost there. Like a word or name that is on the tip of your tongue but you just can't conjure it up completely. The memories are there, I just can't get a firm grasp on them. Even looking at pictures, she seems like a dream, or a movie I once watched over and over until I could quote the lines to you. I keep telling myself…she was really here. She was real. She was beautiful…she was yours.
It seems wrong and backwards to have to get a grip on the reality of her being here as opposed to her being gone. Shouldn’t I be asking why she is gone, why she is not here?
Instead I sit and gaze at her angelic face surrounded by wooden frames and try to remember her presence.
I see the children of my friends…friends I love and have loved for years, growing up, learning to walk and talk. I see these precious little faces smile and see the wonder of new things, and I feel a little pang of jealousy mixed with joy because I never got to see Caden do those things, and I never will, but I get to experience it with their kids…whom I love more than I can say.
I find myself wanting to shield Andy from fathers with their little girls while we are out running errands. I do not want him to see, because if it hurts me, than it must hurt him. Looking at a daddy holding his baby girls hand, helping her walk or pick out a toy…he never got to do that. If I am thinking it…what must he be thinking? It is stupid of me, really, wanting to protect him…you would think I would want to shield myself, but I never think of that, just of him and what he has lost.
I still get a tight knot in my stomach when we are out and about and people start asking about Rigg. How old? How is he sleeping? Is he a good baby? Is he your first? How old is your other child…awkward, pity and sadness in their eyes…I still have not gotten used to it, I probably never will.
As I sit and think of all of these thoughts and feelings, the one thing I keep coming back to is…I am not the only one…life is hard, it hurts everyone in some way or another. That doesn’t make it OK or hurt any less…but it helps me to not wallow in my pain and hurt, it helps me to feel the emotions and grief, and then press on. Moving onward in a steady forward motion…even when I feel like laying down and giving in.
Emotions are strange things. Even when your head says one thing your emotions will stand up and shout and scream in the opposite direction. I guess this is a perfect time to use the phrase “reign in your emotions”. Not to blot them out, but to acknowledge them for what they are, my feelings…not the truth.
I feel like Caden was a dream…truth says she was real.
I feel cheated because she is gone so soon…truth says she was a gift all the days she was here.
I feel immeasurable pain that I have to live without her…truth says I will see her again.
I feel like no one understands…truth says the God of the universe gave up His son…truth says He knows exactly what I am feeling.
So today I choose to stand upon truth and not how I feel. It is the only way I will make it through today…by trusting Gods word, not Cari’s words, thoughts or feelings.
She is so unpredictable anyway…

Friday, July 24, 2009

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

How much more

We had weeds. Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad weeds...
(I had to steal the line...I just love it! It is from one of my favorite children's books Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, no good, very bad day...I digress.)
They were more like a new ground covering really. They were all spider webbed together and locked into the ground in multiple places. They were taking over the front lawn and completely hiding all signs of the nice mulch we purchased earlier this season.
So we pulled, we raked, we yanked, we dug and we scooped until they were no more...or at least less then they once were. Andy put down some weed killer and then put new mulch over the our front lawn looks gorgeous, or at least not like a weed patch anymore, which to me is gorgeous.

I hung out with a friend this morning, we chatted, or tried to while we took care of our children. I however, had to leave long before I was done playing so I could get home and clean my house (which I should be doing now....ahem) On the way home the Jeremy Camp song came on the radio...the one I love so much because it is the song of my heart so many days...the one that plays first on this blog. Well one line in the song stood out to me today, the line that states "for the beauty that's in store outweighs the hurt of life's sting." I love that line because within it lies my hope. Life has stung these past few months and the throb of the sting will last forever...that is forever on this earth, but what awaits me is far superior and worth holding out for.

It got me thinking about things we do in this life that hurt because the result will be fabulous and worth the pain.

I thought of a few vain things, like piercing your ears. I remember really wanting to get my ears pierced as a dad made me wait til I was 8. I looked forward to it and feared it just as much. The needle was friends and foe alike...but I knew the beauty of those earrings would far outweigh the pain of getting them in!
I also thought of people who diet...I say that because I have never really dieted in my life..I have cut back, but I have always eaten junk in some form. But there are those who have more will power than myself and can give up the chocolate and the ice cream because they know what awaits them at the end is a slimmer figure.
Then I thought of not so vain things like bringing a child into this world. We as mothers know it will be painful, just carrying them at times hurts like the dickens, but in the end, the wonderful sweetness that is your baby wipes away all the memories of the pain. (or should at least for a few days.)
Raising a child is the same way. Disciplining them is hard work and is ugly at times, but seeing them make good decisions without a word from you is priceless and worth all the "no's".
Our weeding was the same stinks to weed. It hurts sometimes...more so the next day, but the end result is a beautiful garden, or front lawn in our case.

These thoughts made me think if things, that we do ourselves, for ourselves are nice and we think of the end result as beautiful and worth it, how much more so the ending God has in store for those that are His children. Sure, the sting is more painful than weeding or getting a hole punched in your ear, but if we think a pretty garden or stones that sparkle when we shake our head is worth it....I cannot wait to see what God has for me.

The next line in the song says "So I hold on to this hope, and the promise that He brings, there will be a day with no more suffering. There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face."

And there it is folks. The beauty that awaits us and far outweighs the hurt of this life's sting. Jesus, face to face with our savior. Heaven. No more pain, tears or fears. And for me, seeing my baby girl once more.

If so many little things in this life are worth much more will God give when we walk where He has planned?

Just a thought.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Dress

Just in case you were wondering which dress I picked for my sister's wedding in 6 weeks...or is it 5? Hummm...need to see a calendar. I was also not the one in the picture...I know you might have thought so seeing as she is so skinny and lovely, just like me. But, alas, you would be wrong...I picked this dress because I looked less like a cow in it then all the others. As I told Andy, I feel huge in everything, I just felt a "nicely dressed" huge in this. So style D19352 it is! In a nice latte color to boot! No worries. I got a size larger than needed so it can be altered to fit (that and it was not available in the actual size I needed...but hey who needs a dress to fit right without paying an arm and leg for alterations anyway, right?) That and I will be jam packed into a tummy-tucker-inner thingy and what-not anyway....there is no way I am showing up for pictures not trussed up like a turkey, these are pictures that will be posted around my mothers house....where I make my presence known about 2 times a week....I am going to have to see these pictures bi-weekly people...I am even pulling out the self-tanner (WHOA! watch out!) and the "extra-hair" I may be a a size or two plumper than my norm...but I will look smashing...or something similar. Thankyouverymuch!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Uncovered, dug up and unveiled

Because I know you are tired of seeing the same pics over and are some pics I found that never made it to the blog...mostly because they are/were on my parents camera. Just so you know...they are random, but I will try to explain as they go. This is me, hugely prego with Rigg...
Me and Andy 2 days after his surgery.

Andy leaving the hospital after surgery.

Me, showing everyone how many centimeters I am...
No pictures please.

Oh, my! This sleeping and pooping all day will wear a boy out!

Rigg and Grandpa

Rigg and Mimi

And just Rigg...

Hope you have enjoyed!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Tuesdays of Praise

Today I praise the only One who can give life...the physical as well as the spiritual, that we may live it abundantly!

Monday, July 13, 2009

plagued and accosted

The last few days I have been plagued with worry, accosted with fear. I know somehow I have let Satan get a foothold on my mind and emotions...but it is something I have had a hard time shaking. Interestingly enough. It is not worry over my is worry over my husband. He has his next MRI scheduled for August 8th and I cannot get it off my mind.

I have had a flashback the last couple of days. It is the same scene. The day he found out about the tumor, or the day after...he had a EEG. As he was in the dimly lit room with the stickies all over his head waiting for the computer to read whatever it reads, I got a call from a very close friend. It was the first time I let myself break down after the news of the tumor. I remember saying " I just can't lose him too." This is the feeling I keep having. I look at him and the same thought goes through my head. I find myself hugging him, holding onto him , thanking God for him...all things I should do anyway, not just out of worry...

I know in my head that this worry is a waste of energy. It is what it is...I cannot change or control this, or anything for that matter...God knows. I rest in Him and His perfect plan. It's just I know His plan is not always pain free. I know He loves me and will always hold me up, but I also know that just because I trust in Him does not mean things will turn out the way I want.

It is hard balancing the idea that God can do whatever He wants...even things that hurt, and be OK with it. (me not God) I am trying...but it is hard. All the "what ifs" get in the way. All the possible scenarios of the what ifs...

It is times like this I realize how incredibly weak I am. The ironic part...I realize I am weak, I KNOW the only source of strength...Christ. The one who has the power to give and take away, and the knowledge of what if perfect for me...

So where does that leave me today. On my knees praying to the one I love and fear and fear to love enough to trust completely with all of me...even my husband...and my son...and even still the loss of Caden, which is still hard to bear. Her death makes me realize I can trust God. Even in the pain.

I feel like I am rambling and making no coherent thoughts...oh well, this writing is more for me than you today I suppose. If I could, I would love to ask you to pray for me today...I am in need.
for peace
for trust
for rest

If you have any verses to pass along I would love those also. I know a friend who will say Isaiah 26:3. I will say 1 Peter 5:10...the captain would quote Matthew to me (not the whole book! wouldn't he be a stud!)

Life is weighing me down today. Worry is something new and unknown to me...I do not want fear as a companion. Thank you in advance for your prayers. For me as well as the captain and our son.

Now I am off to shower and then shop for a bridesmaids dress for my sisters wedding...another thing you can pray for a dress 3 weeks after having a baby...another worry in and of it's self!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Because it's been days and days

Since you have seen Rigg that just for you, because I am nice like that...

Thanks Auntie Jennie and Uncle Nick!!! We love the blanket!

Anyone know how to get little pilly fuzzies off knit pieces, like a sweater or favorite brown and white baby blanket??? I just washed it and now it is pilled and fuzzy...any suggestions?

Friday, July 10, 2009

A day to remember

5 years ago today Andy and I became husband and wife. It was a perfect day, huge thunder storm and all...
Just to prove it to y'all, I have attached a 10 min. video of our reception and things.

Andy and I have sat and watched this video multiple times over...each time we laugh and say how great of a day it was. There are so many things I love about this video..there are the obvious things, and if you watch there are so many fun things that happen in the background!

Enjoy the video, remember to pause the music at the bottom so you can hear it.

A special thanks to Danny Purdue for making the video and Richard Cobb for getting it on my blog.

Happy Anniversary's to 60 more!

Andy & Cari's Wedding Reception from Richard Cobb on Vimeo.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

When Andy met Cari

In 3 days I will officially be married for 5 years. In some ways it seems like only yesterday that the Captain and I started dating, in others it seems like every bit of the five years. A lot has happened in our relatively short marriage.

We bought our first house, got a dog, became pregnant, had a baby girl, lost a baby girl, got pregnant, got a brain tumor, had brain surgery, had a baby I said, a lot in 5 years. Although most of that has happened in the last 9 months, there was a lot God was doing before hand to prepare us for it...He knew who we were, who we were meant to be, separately and together. So in honor of the big 5, I thought I would treat y'all to the story of how Andy and I met.

Although our families attended the same church, Andy and I had never met. You see, I am about 5 years his Jr. Therefore, we never attended the same Sunday school class...let alone the same school. By the time I entered high school he had done graduated already. So I left high school with a very serious boyfriend and went off to college. My freshman year was great. I got involved with a group called the Navigators. It helped to shape my spiritual life from the start of my Independence. Although my very serious boyfriend and I went to different schools....we still guess it, very serious. I had known this boy since I was 13. We started dating my Jr year in high school and were both very happy. Everyone we knew said we were perfect for each other. There was no doubt in my mind I would end up marrying this guy.

As I was getting my young self acclimated to college life, Andy had just recently turned his life around in a very good way. He had strayed into some not so nice and innocent past times, and through a series of, what seemed at the time to be, unfortunate events he came to Christ. He started to drive the hour and a half up to the college I was attending, because his best childhood friend was also there. This is where I met the Captain for the first time....although I knew of him ( I knew his sisters from school...was even in show choir with one of times) I had never talked to him before. The very first time we met, after the Nav rally (Friday evening meetings) a group of us went for ice cream. In the ice cream store he didn't think I was as crazy and daring as I said I was, so in an attempt to prove him wrong I poured my very large glass of very cold water in his lap...he believes me when I say I will do something now! So through mutual friends and the navigators at a college he didn't even attend we started to hang out on the weekends. My boyfriend and Andy became good friends and there was no animosity. It was all 2 great years of good times.

Then the summer after my sophomore year in college, a large group of college age kids from my church went on a mission trip to Bulgaria. Andy and one of my close friends were already over there...they had been for about 3 months. So the rest of us were going to join them. It was on this trip I knew Andy had something that I was drawn to, like a moth to the flame. He showed leadership skills and a desire for Christ that was contagious. He had a way with people and a heart to minister to them. It was on this trip I knew what I had to do. I was going to go home a and break up with a guy who was already like family. Who was a great guy, just not the guy for me.

It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do up to that point in my life. This guy was already grafted into my family, he was friends with everyone of my friends. We went to the same church. We did everything together...and I knew if I broke it off, I would have to sever all ties, or I couldn't really do it. It tore some of my friendships apart...not for good, but it put them under great amounts of stress. My family didn't understand, but how could they...I left 3 weeks earlier happy and content just to come home and turn my life upside down, all because I saw something in another man that I knew my heart longed for. I did not break up with my boyfriend for Andy, this is important to know, I broke up with him because seeing characteristics in Andy my heart cried out for, I realized I was not with the man I should be with.

In the next few months, as I was hurting and finding solace in Christ and His word. Andy and I became even closer. Then in September of 2002 he started avoiding me. I couldn't figure it out. I was hurt and confused. Finally I cornered him at church one Sunday. He asked if we could talk out in my car...OK. He said we couldn't hang out anymore because he was starting to fall in love with me, and he knew if he pursued a relationship at that point in his life, his relationship with Christ would suffer. He just needed time, and therefore space. Only group activities....great(sarcastic undertone noted). I felt all kinds of things. Elation at being admired to the point of love...loss because of his withdrawing, confusion at the maturity in his faith that at the time I did not fully understand.

About a month later, I got in my car at my home to find a letter under the windshield wiper. It was from Andy. I still have that was the start of us. He was ready...was I?

Oh, Boy, Yeah!

We started dating. It was great. It still is, five years later, after the water incident and all else that followed, we still love each other more everyday. All the crazy, sad, hard and traumatic events that have happened in the past few months have had the ability to pull us apart in a way the world would totally understand. But through the grace and mercy of our Father, we have grown closer together and more in love than we were.

At least I have!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Tuesdays of Praise...finally

Because I remembered and had the time...well, made the time, Tuesdays of Praise made it in the line up this week.

Lets talk about salvation.

Just the word alone should evoke some reaction. Saved...rescued...redeemed.

Some of you may be wondering... saved from what?

Some of you already know...saved. It is such a wonderful thing, yet I so rarely meditate on it and what it truly means for me.

I take my salvation for granted almost all the time.

To answer the question above for all those who are so interested, what am I saved from?

Me? Well, that is a great question. Myself, my sin, the pain from the death of my daughter, hell itself.

Romans 3:23 says "all fall short of the Glory of God."

even me, I know, some of you are shocked...Cari? fall short of Glory? Yup...I am not even close...
You see, when I heard of Christ, the Son of God, coming to earth, living a perfect life and dying for my sin...I accepted it as truth. When I accepted it as truth, believed in Jesus, that He was, and is, truly capable of paying for my sin...I was saved.

( I was in middle school at a summer youth camp. I saw with my ears and heart what God did for me through Jesus. It was many years later, in college, that I picked up where I left off and followed hard after God. Many years after that, when Caden died, I see God's sacrifice anew. He willingly gave up His son for me...amazing.)

Saved from all the mistakes, bad decisions and outright wrongs I did in the past and will do in the future. And believe me...I will do plenty.

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall have everlasting life."

A verse everyone knows...but think about it. All you have to do is believe...and you get to have everlasting life. Not just life as we know it. The life we know is hard. It hurts. We fail miserably everyday. Life as we know it pales in comparison to the life we will have with Christ.

Heaven awaits us...all we have to do is believe.

Believe and be saved.


From your sin, mistakes, guilt, pain, hopelessness, and whatever else this life and Satan have taught you is what is can live differently.

I have hope I will see my daughter again...because I know where I am going when I die. I know I am forgiven for my thoughts and actions that were, ummm, unladylike, yesterday. I know All the hurt, pain and humiliation life brings is temporary and therefore so much easier to bare...because I know what awaits me.

So today I praise God because He is the ONLY ONE who can save.

Thank you Father,
Come quickly.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

speak, hear and see no evil

Psalm 34:13
keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

Proverbs 4:1
Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.

Proverbs 3:7-8
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

he is a quick learner....

Thursday, July 2, 2009


I have been uninspired to write as of late. Maybe because all the days are running together, maybe because I am too tired to put coherent sentences together, maybe because nothing much is happening here...maybe because I am lazy...or all of the above. As I sit here, at almost 3 in the afternoon, unshowered, still in my PJ's...I wonder what it is about a baby that takes the urgency out of being presentable...would I go out in public in a milk stained T-shirt...not before the baby is born, but afterward, I wouldn't think twice. In fact, I did it yesterday. Granted it was a tank top, under my other shirt, and it was liberally sprayed with perfume as not to offend those around me with the smell of milk and sweat...but it was on me just the same. I still however, will not go out without mascara...this rule never changes. NEVER.
The captain started his second round of chemo last night before bed...this time the doc said he cold take more anti-nausea medication. So we are hoping that this time will go even smoother than the last. After this month we only have 4 more left...YEAH! He is scheduled for an MRI at the beginning of August, this will be the first glimpse into his head since the surgery...

His neurologist called him just a few min. ago and said if he has been seizure free for 3 months...then he can drive! So on July 7th Andy can drive himself to work for the first time since April 6th 2009. What a blessing and answer to prayer..and a relief, not that I minded all those extra hours with him, but I am sure he is glad to be the one behind the wheel.

I took the Big Rigg into the Dr yesterday for a check-up. He is doing great..all pink and no yellow...I was a little remiss about his weight last Wednesday. It seems they had him at 7.6...this Wednesday he was 9.1!!!! Can you believe it? He is gaining. If we stay on this path he will be the size of a baby walrus by his first birthday. So in light of his new growth I have bee trying harder to nurse...I have been pumping mostly. We are working on it...(Stacey)

I thought, before Rigg was here, that the little things would be harder. Like feeding him, or bathing him. I thought that it would bring sudden instant flashbacks of my baby girl. This has not been the case. I think I am just too busy trying to get things done, it has not hit me that way. I find when I have a moment to rest, and glance at a picture of her, this is the time the hurt hits full force. Rigg is So different from her, in every way. His looks are very different, but his personality too. He is quiet and calm, just very layed back and chill. She was a talker from the beginning. He loved to be cuddled and wanted to be near people at all times. You could leave Rigg alone, wide awake in his crib or in the swing and he does not make a peep. I know God knew what he was doing. I can love and appreciate them for who they are, who God made them to be without comparing Rigg to Caden.

I was thinking just the other day what it would be like to have 2 kids in the house. She would be walking, trying to touch her baby brother all the time, probably driving me nuts...some days it is just so quiet here. I miss her jabbering and squealing. She could squeal so loudly it would shake the window pains...just to hear herself . I miss her little voice.

remember to pause the music at the bottom to hear the video.
I miss her.

I want to hold them both.

Sometimes the knowledge that my family will always be unwhole is too much to for me. No matter how many children I have we will always be one short for family pictures. And because she was our first, our kids will never know her outside of pictures, videos and stories. It makes my heart ache to know that they will never love her as I do...because they never got the chance.

I know God has a plan, His reasons are far superior to mine and my limited knowledge, and I rest in that. But it doesn't stop the pain. Loss still hurts.

But we have hope...we will see her again. I just wish it were today.

But alas, today is just another day. And here I still sit with no shower...and no immediate plans for one. I just picked up my baby boy and am trying to type while holding him close, in an effort to calm my hurting soul and rejoice for what I have been given. He is so precious. I love him more than I can say...

He fell asleep in my arms. Sometimes looking at Rigg I am reminded of how much babies need someone to take care of them. They are totally dependant upon others to get through the day. This is how we should look to Jesus, with a child-like faith...a faith that needs Him just to get through the day. Today I lean heavily upon my Savior, as I should everyday. Today I need Him just to get through. Today I feel His comfort through the promise of His word. This to shall pass. It is temporary, He will come again. I can feel safe in His arms, the way my baby feels safe in mine.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18Therefore encourage each other with these words.