Thursday, November 29, 2012

Deleted post?

It seems one of my posts has been deleted...

I'm not sure how that happened... it was the one with all the pictures.

Sigh...and all your lovely comments.

I will try to get another one... with all the pictures back up again tomorrow.

Tonight I am too tired.

Andy is doing SO well.
I am amazed at what God has done.

Please kep praying... we are just at the begining/

until tomorrow...

Monday, November 26, 2012

After surgery

Today has been a crazy mix of emotions. 

Andy made it through surgery. He is all doped up and feelin swell. I am a bit giddy about how much better and alert he is this time around. He might be slightly irked by my giddiness. 

As well as he is doing there is still some hesitation to all out joy mode. 

The surgeon had to leave some tumor cells behind, just like he said he would have to do. the tumor looks to be cancerous. We should get pathology results back in a week. 
The surgeon said the prognosis is not good.

The sentence put a heavy weight upon our hearts. The mood in the room was one of grief and sadness. Some confusion and pain. 
So we all hugged and cried for awhile. 
Then we sat together and prayed 
For Christ to come back soon.
For God to work His miracle. 
For strength and endurance.
For joy and peace. 
For full and total recovery
For hearts that want God's will above our own. 
Praised Him for His goodness
Praised Him for His faithfulness. 
Praised Him for His sovereignty. 

We still have a long road in front of us. 
We still have plenty of time for God to work a miracle. 
Thank you so much for all the prayers and love you have sent our way. 
Please continue to pray for Andy. We covet your prayers. 

Now is the time to call upon our very able and mighty savior to do a great miracle in the Captain's life     

Lord, come quickly 

please leave comments for Andy to see when he wakes up tomorrow!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

The Captain's tumor

Part of me cannot even believe I am typing this...

Part of me wants to scream and yell and put my fingers in my ears while humming and singing "I'm not listening!"

Another part of me is praying... pleading... quite possibly begging God to miricle this away.

We found out earlier today the Captain's tumor is back.

Andy hasn't been feeling well for awhile. He's been here...but not here. Finally today he looked at me and said I needed to take him to the ER, something wasn't right.

SO we went to the ER. Had a CT scan... which showed a mass. A MRI confirmed that his tumor along with a large cyst are growing in his left frontal lobe, causing major headachs and other unfun stuff.

Surgery is scheduled for Monday afternoon at 2pm (ish)

Prayers greatfully (joyously and jealously) accepted.

I want to be bright and sunny and positive... but I am not feelin' it right now. The tumor looks to be cancerous and the surgeon has to leave some behind. To try to get it all would leave lasting injury to Andy and his brain.
Cancer left in the brain is never good.


God is good. And I know God loves both the Captain and me very much.

2 things keep coming to mind today...
John 9:3b "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
In Daniel 3 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego  were going to be tossed into the fiery furnace and they said that they knew God would save them... but even if He didn't that they would still do what was right.

I want God's glory to be displayed... and I want to do what is right even if God doesn't do a miracle.

I want to have a heart that accepts WHATEVER He wants for me.

So I am praying:
1. that Jesus comes back... very soon.
2. that God would preform a miracle in this circumstance. That He would cure Andy before, during or after the surgery.... whatever that might look like.
3. that He gives me a heart that desires His will above my own.
4. for the Captain... his comfort, peace and health.
5. for my boys...

Please pray with us.
I am so thankful for those who love us from near and afar.
We love you, too.


Lord, come quickly...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A plethera of Insta's

I have been lax in providing you with proper Insta-Fridays.
 In fact, I have noticed the absence of Rigg and Ryder pics the last few months has been shameful.

So, eager inter-webby blog stalkers,  this post shall be a feast for your eyes.
Or make your retinas bleed by the sheer number of pics I am about to post.
Either way... I am about to bring it... Insta-style.

What follows is a huge array of pics over the past few months. It should give you a sampling of what we have been up to.
 I will make commentary brief so you can get to the bottom of the post much faster.

You're welcome.

The boys are playing together more and more. Sometimes I hear sweet giggles coming from another room... sometimes it is more like this...

Some days are just hard.

Others are much better.

Ryder still falls asleep in the weirdest places. It's so cute and kinda amazing.

This kid is a CONSTANT mess. I cannot for the life of me keep him clean.
forever messy.

Both of my boys are in love with bubbles.
We even blow them in the house on occasion.

Rigg's smile might be one of the best things ever.

Rigg loves puzzles. Dude is getting good at them too.
35 piece floor puzzle... watch out! You're no match for Rigg!

forever messy

togetherness might be fun... and it is almost always dangerous.

My parents yard was a blanket of leaves a few weeks ago.
We made a pile for the kids to jump and play in.
It might have been a tad large.

We celebrated the Captain's birthday a couple weeks ago.
We didn't do much, but we did deck the halls with construction paper.
It was like a kindergarten art project threw up all over...
It was just a small way to show the Captain how much we love him.
(yeah, it's hung up with painter's tape... we're classy like that.)

Just ridin' the giraffes on the carousel.

Sharing a chair, some goldfish, and a movie...

Enjoying daddy

"Mamma, look, we're hiding!"

Bubble blowing with Pops.

Ryder likes to rub noses.
I like to too...

forever messy... branching out...

Sometimes getting them in the same frame is a victory.


And there you have it folks. Are your eyeballs all dried out?
Now you are all caught up... and you have seen enough pics of the boys to last your for DAYZZZZZ.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

a change of heart

I'd love to tell you that I have been silent because my life has been full to the brim with excitement and fun, so much so that I have not had a smidgen of time to sit and write about all the gloriousness that is filling my days.

but I can't... unless you count cleaning coffee off your ceiling exciting...
long story.
(my days are not bad... in fact they are mostly good... some great even, some know, just normal life with young children.)

I have wanted to sit and write a post catching y'all up on what's going on here... but as my days slip by, and more days slip by, and they start piling up it seems so daunting. You know that feeling when you really need to clean out a horribly messy and over-stuffed closet... it just gets fuller and messier and silently screams at you every time you walk by it. So one day you open it all prepared to get down to the task, and then you see how much there is to do and you get overwhelmed and you quietly close the door go get a bag of chips, sit on the couch and watch reruns of some lame show instead?
That's how I feel.
This is why I am chubby.  :)

I used to love writing a blog post because it was a way for me to clear my head of all that God was doing and teaching me. I would relish the quiet times I could sit and think through what I was learning, write it down  and really reflect on it.
Then I had Ryder and all my quiet time flew out the window.
2 kids really puts a damper on all things peaceful and reflective.

However I feel I have needed to do this lately because I know God has done, and is continuing to do some amazing things in my heart and in my life.
So today I am determined to take the time and sit here during the brief quiet that is nap time and try to put into words what I have been learning and feeling over the past few months.

I have struggled most of my teenage and adult life with the sin of covetousness and materialism. (such a childish thing I know) Not to a degree that I am a shopaholic or have put our small family in monstrous debt, but my heart was always eaten up by the "I wants". I would see what someone else had and desire it for myself... I would see something in a store and think about it for days... weeks even.
I like me some pretty things.
But I don't like pretty things in a healthy, sinless way.

Over the past year I would recognise this more and more about myself... and the more I saw it within my heart the more I would dislike it.
I eventually started praying that God would change my heart. I was saddened that my reaction to loving something adorable would cause me to be so discontent with what I already had. In essence turning to God and saying "I think you could be doing better here... see that?... me wanty."
How arrogant.
How prideful
How ugly.

So I began praying that my heart would be one of thanks and gratitude. I wanted to invite people over to my tiny house and not fret about what I lacked. I wanted to give out of my abundance... because in truth, I may have less then some, but I have MUCH more then most. I wanted to be happy with what God deemed good for me. I wanted to be content with what I had.

And then the Captain lost his job.
And he got a new job that paid less then half of what he had been making before.
And then the Captain lost that job.
But he got a new job... making less then the previous one.

Right now, today, I am the poorest person I know.
And I can honestly say I am OK with it.

God has been changing my heart and refocusing my perspective. He has been repetitively teaching me (as I do my toddler) about what is "need" and what is "want".
He keeps showing me in small ways, through conversations with friends, verses that jump off the page, circumstances I am in, or examples from others that He knows exactly what I need and He has given me SO much MORE then I need.
And even in the tough, scary moments when I doubt, He is there reminding me that He is in control... that this is where He wants us right now... and He will provide and take care of us.

We are definitely in a tight spot... an uncomfortable place.
But He is here.
 Directing us, providing for us... loving us. God has been so much more than faithful in taking care of us financially, He has changed my heart.
I so want my life and my heart to be beautiful.
I love me some pretty things... but more important then the pretty things, I want to invest my life, my energy, my motivation in things of eternity. I want God to look at what I can lay before His feet and see the beautiful. I want pretty that will last forever,
And I am not sure you can buy that in a store...

“I judge all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity.” — John Wesley