Monday, September 24, 2012

Heaven Day 2012

Heaven Day is what we affectionetly call the anniversary of Caden's death.

It is not a sad day.

It is a day of rejoicing.

Our sweet, precious baby girl is in Heaven.

Septemeber 22nd marks the anniversary of the day Caden entered into Jesus' arms and began her eternity of praise and worship of our Holy Father.

An awesome day to celebrate.

This year marked the 4th anniversary of Caden's death. She has been living joyously in Heaven for 4 years... I'm a bit jealous.

As Heaven Day approached I struggled with a way to teach Rigg (3) and Ryder (20 months) about Caden and how to view death.
The Captain and I so do not want the concept of death to be creepy or scary to our sons. And for their entire lives they are going to have a death closely attached to them and their family. The only thought that I landed upon was that I wanted their first memory... their first concept of death to be a celebration... to be happy and full of joy and hope.
They are way too young to really grasp all of this... so it had to be a tangible celebration... tangible Joy... I wanted to create a tradition for our family that would brand in the mind of my sons that death, for a Believer, is an awesome, joyous thing.
I want to instill this memory... this feeling into them, so when they are old enough to really try to work through the idea of death that this is their first truth... Joy. Happiness. Celebration.

So... how? What do you do to create this feeling of joy and happiness and celebration?

How about sky lanterns?

So on Heaven Day 2012 we started what I hope to be the first of many, many years of lighting lanterns and sending them up into the Heavens to thank God for Caden, for Hope... and for providing the only way for our salvation... a way for us to see her again!

For weeks I have been talking to Rigg and telling him about the lanterns. We talked about Caden and looked at her pictures.  I would ask him if he knew why we were lighting the lanterns. By the end of last week he finally could respond "Because Caden lives in Heaven with Jesus."

Saturday night my little family gathered with more family.
We prayed and thanked God for Caden. For Hope. For life and Christ's Salvation. And for the opportunity to celebrate this great day with those we love.

Heaven is worth much celebrationg, friends.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

so... I threw this baby shower.

back in... Ahem... August...
for my friend Lauren.
You might remember me mentioning my friend Lauren... and her son Michael
I've known her since I was in 8th grade.
She is family.
And we now share a sorrow of life that has brought us closer together, just one of God's awesome ways that He shows us He has a plan and He takes care of His own...

So when Lauren said she was gonna have another baby... I was all like...
or something real nonchalant like that.
she was kind enough to oblige.

My house is small... tiny even.
I love my house for so many reasons...
I hate my house for so many reasons too.

One hate-reason being that it is t.i.n.y ... making it hard to comfortably host things.
However, I knew I could make it SUPER cute for a baby girl shower.
and I am all about making things cute.
I get a bit obsessed about cuteness... and the making of the cuteness.

I knew I really wanted to make a big, hanging centerpiece. So I opted for Chinese lanterns and tissue paper poufs.

I loved it... It still makes me happy.
Like giddy-school-girl happy.

I also got to go hog-wild with way cute scrapbook paper and my glue gun.
Ahhh... the joys of a girl and her glue gun...


Another thing I did was go a tish bit over board on art for baby Isla's (eeekkk, could you just die over how adorable her name is!) nursery.
I made 3 prints in colors that will go with the nursery decor...
and I almost kept 'em I love them so.

as well as made an 8x10 print that I framed. (crummy pic from my camera...)

And then to top it all off... My friend Cristi made the most beautiful, most deliciously decadent cupcakes.
I might have eaten 2 at the party...
and one after the party...
and two the next day...

My friend Lauren and her beautiful Mother and sister...

and, dang-it, if I didn't go a whole day all showered and make-uped and dressed nice and no picture to show for it... So I took one of myself .
I am posting it here because I know when I stalk other peoples blogs, I feel like I never actually see enough pictures of the person who is actually writing ... just their kids, and their house and all the other intimate details of their life... but, come on, I wanna see whose talking..
So here's me...
you're welcome.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Mommy Moments: from a mother of boys

It's true that there are no sick days when your a full time, stay@home mommy.
Last Friday I got sick. Not just a little sick... but a kick-your-butt-take-you-down kinda sick.
The Captain watched the boys while I slept and stayed as still as possible.
Movement and standing were issues that promoted the emptying of my insides...

The next day, I was still far from fully recovered, but not feeling the need to be statue like anymore, I tried to be of more help.
So let's give the smaller, much dirtier rug rat a bath.

He was delighted... a tub all to himself. He was splashing and "swimming" and rolling over and over. At one point I was so entertained by his bath time giddiness, I told the Captain I wanted to film him.
So I went and got my camera and came back to full-on giggles from a new peek-a-boo game with daddy. I turned the camera on and watched as Ryder stood up to be more interactive in the game... I was still filming when he turned to fast and slipped banging his tiny, tiny, wet chin on the side of the tub.
After scooping him up and out of the watery death trap, Ryder was fully examined and discovered to have a fairly good sized gash under his chin.

So we took my crazy, wet, 20 month old to the ER for the first time to get stitches.

The gash didn't bleed. It was impressive. He had this huge hole in his chin and there was virtually no blood. He was also in the greatest mood ever. (thankyouJesus) He would climb on and over the chairs in the waiting room, we let him watch videos on utube... his favorite being a 2 minute Toy Story 2 trailer that we watched overandoverandoverandover...

When we finally were able to see a nurse, we were told the numbing agent would have to be applied (preferably with some added pressure) for 30 min.

So we sat and watched more utube... and tried to keep a very active and overly tired toddler still.
Then it was time for the actual stitching... Ryder was not a fan. He got 4. After the sewing session and a good 10 min of angry tears afterwards... he became delightful once more.

We were gone 4 hours... sigh... and came home just after midnight to Rigg puking all over himself and all over his bed... in which the newly stitched up Ryder did and fantastic run and dive, finishing with a giant belly-flop right on the vomit.

This is about the time I would have commited all kids of lawlessness to get a vacation... or a maid/nanny.

So slowly, moment by moment we repaired ourselves, took deep breaths, slept when we could, prayed, and eventually got better. We are now to the point of "looking back on and laughing"
Because life is funny.
but funny.
Thank you Jesus for giving me a sense of humor.


On a divinely gorgeous morning I took the boys to visit a friends' booth at a local craft fair. The boys were so well behaved... I was unsure if I had actually brought MY children. Rigg enjoyed the bounce house and popcorn while Ryder slept in his stroller and ate fruit loops when he awoke. Allowing for browsing and catching up with friends I had not seen in ages. (insert contented sigh)

So, to my mommy moment.
Rigg was bouncing and practicing some stellar karate-chop, ninja like moves in the bounce house when he stands up and declares, "I hafta pee."
We wasted no time in putting on our shoes and finding a restroom. All the toilets were too tall, so I stood him up on the seat and said aim for the water.
He was doing great. I had ahold of him, helping him bend over a bit to aim better when all of a sudden my sunglasses fall into the toilet and sink to the bottom... giving him a target to aim for.
After he was finished I reached into the pee water to retrieve my sunglasses and washed them for 5 minutes in scalding hot soapy water.

I now have pee glasses.

Friday, September 7, 2012


I've been a bit busy... and lazy.
I have a baby shower to post about... soon.
A post about a trip to the ER... everyone's fine.
And we've had a bad flu bug... trust me, you don't want/need me to post about that.

Mentally and physically I have been spent. And I suppose the stress of our life at the moment is getting to me... and then the ER... and the gross, gross, gross, stomach bug... I have not had a real moment to sit and process that it is already September.

September is a rough month.
I never think it is going to be, then out of nowhere I get overwhelmed with the ache of missing Caden.
September is hard.
and I am always surprised by it.

Today I had one of those out-of-nowhere moments. I cried in public for the first time in I don't know how long. I was swept away with the sorrow of her absence.
All over a silly ice-breaker game.

In a room full of moms, we were asked to stand and move to "this" corner if we have 1 child. "this" corner if we have 2 children... "this" corner if we have 3 and "this" corner if we have more then 3.

I was torn... 2 or 3? I know I have 3 kids, but really, right now, I have 2 boys. And I have told a few of these women that I have just met that I have 2 boys... so which corner...
So I awkwardly stand off to the side of the 2 kid corner, mentally kicking myself for making this into a big issue...
then feeling a bit guilty for not acknowledging Caden...

Then the next question... move to "this" corner if you have all boys, "this" corner if you have all girls and "this" corner if you have a mix.
Well,  if I couldn't make up my mind what to do in the first scenario, you can bet I was now down spiraling into sadness and again... lost as to where I fit in. Again standing at the edge of one group, staring at the other...
where am I supposed to stand?

I must have looked awkward and like I was about to cry because a friend, who I have known a long time, who has also known the sadness of loosing a child, saw me, hurried over to me and hugged me while the dam broke.
The tears of grief and guilt made my face contort and my shoulders shake.
But she held on.

In reality it was only a moment.
But her being there and blessing me with her love and encouragement was a gift straight from Heaven.
and she was just what I needed in that moment.

I gathered myself together and enjoyed the rest of my morning.

September is upon me, and already my God is providing.

Great is His faithfulness...especially in September...