Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Do I have some good news for you! Or, rather, good news for us that I am going to share with you... either way... it is some pretty stinkin' good news!

As of this morning, the Captain's case was dismissed!

You can sit down and stop dancing now... I have more....

It was dismissed with prejudice, which our lawyer said he has never seen in his15 years of practicing means they can never refile the case!

Really, sit down, stop shouting for joy... I have more!

Even more extraordinary (words used by our lawyer) is that they are expunging his arrest record...which is even more rare then dismissal with prejudice! (again words from our lawyer)

This is such wonderful news! No more legal little black rain cloud over our heads! A cleared name for the Captain! We are thrilled, but not totally surprised....God was on our side, and it is all stuff we have been praying for, and we know He is faithful and we know He answers prayer... But still...WHOO-HOO!!!!!

OK, what are you waiting for... Jump up and dance, sing and shout for Joy!!! God is faithful... Let's praise Him today!

Matthew 17:20 ...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010

And then, it came to me

Some day you will read in the papers that D.L. Moody of East Northfield, is dead. Don't you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now;
                                                                                ~ D.L. Moody ~

My mind works weird.

I think things are funny that others do not. I laugh at odd things. EVERYTHING brings to mind a song lyric or a movie line... EVERYTHING! If you are around me long enough, you might notice this quirk, (because I am never smart enough to just say it to myself in my head...I always say it out loud, as if others will know exactly what I am talking about and laugh merrily with me) or just think I am nuts if you do not understand the reference...which sadly, is mostly the case..

Which brings me back to how weird my mind works...

Confession: I read Harry Potter.

Think of me what you will.

I do not know how I got there, but yesterday I was reminded of Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington's death day party...and it got me thinking.

"We" try to avoid or be busy or not think on days like the anniversary of a loved ones death. It is painful, mostly, and not something on which we want to spend our mental and emotional energy...because it hurts. Yesterday, being the anniversary of Caden's death got me thinking about how "we", I, act on days that have some sort of painful significance. And most people do just what I have listed above, they avoid it, or stay busy, or try with all of their might to be emotionally absent from their day.

But why?

I know where Caden is. She is in heaven. Heaven is, quite frankly, the ultimate goal. If this is the case...why am I so sad on days like yesterday? Yesterday, of all days, should not be one of sadness, but one of celebration and rejoicing. 2 years ago yesterday Caden got to see Jesus. 2 years ago yesterday Caden got to really live.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Being sad and wallowing in pain is grieving without hope. Am I sad she is gone...yes, but only sad for me, because I am selfish and want her here...if I think of it from an eternal perspective, or even Caden's...she is much better off where she is then in this fallen, miserable world full of pain and sorrow. She is free...she is living like we cannot know or understand.

So yesterday,when I had my epiphany, my revelation...I decided I was not going to be sad. I was going to praise Jesus for saving Caden. I was going to rejoice in Caden's victory, in her reaching the ultimate goal. I was going to celebrate her Heaven Day.

It worked rather nicely. I had a great day. I was bathed in prayer, I was sent oodles of texts and emails from those thinking of Caden and I was held snugly in the hands of Him,who knows me and is seeing the face of my baby girl.
My prayer, for myself as well as for all of those who love and miss Caden, is that when she comes to mind, sadness is not the first knee jerk emotion...I pray that God would change our thinking to one of hope, one of rejoicing and celebration for what He has done, and what He has promised to do for us as well.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Caden might be gone from my presence, but she is not gone, she is not dead. Caden is alive like never before. I praise God for every moment we were given together. And because I have hope, because I have faith in His promise, because I believe... I will see her again.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I got flowers today

I got flowers today.

They are beautiful. A sweet reminder from those who remember. A reminder that she is not forgotten. A gift to show their love, for us, for our baby girl, for a God who is sovereign even in times when we do not understand.

2 years ago this coming Wednesday, September 22nd, we said goodbye to our precious baby girl. A sudden departure, but not out of Gods hands...He had a plan. Although we are still hurt and grieving, we have the Hope that comes only from knowing Him. We will see her again.

I have had sudden stirrings of tears these past few days. It brings me more joy and happiness then I can say when others remember and speak of my beautiful daughter. Though she is gone...she was here. Though she is absent from us...she is present in many hearts and minds. Though she is missed for a time....she will be enjoyed and cherished forever. For I know, I will spend forever with my baby girl.

I got flowers today...and I am thankful.

Lord, come quickly.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

he really won't like this...

The past couple of weeks Rigg has really gotten the concept of  "bye- bye".  He now will wave furiously with one hand, say "bye. bye. bye." and leave the room.Only to walk back into the room just mere seconds later with a huge smile on his face and a "Hi!"

The Captain was on vacation last week, as stated previously, and we just hung out together as a home...because we couldn't go anywhere... because of the felony... I digress.

Anyhoo, because we, and especially the Captain, spent so much time together, Rigg was able to truly perfect his "bye-bye-ing". He must have won some kind of award for the number of times in an hour he could declare his farewell and then reappear before you would really miss him. I am sure it will be arriving by Fed-Ex any day now.

Now, I am not sure I have told you, and if I haven't, I do apologize, because you are really missing husband (who really won't like this) talks in his sleep. It makes for great stories... and I do retell them and I do laugh every time...sorry babe.

So last week after a long day of "bye-bye-ing" with the Riggster, the Captain crashed into bed exhausted and worn out ( a bit redundant I do realize) and was asleep in minutes. About 3:30 am, I am awakened by my husbands usually low, masculine voice calling out into the a very high, falsetto range and flapping his hand up and down.


It is moments like this I do look for the Candid Camera...

In the morning when I told him of his newest night ramblings, he shook his head and smiled, which was probably hard to do with much dignity as I was laughing so hard I almost peed. (I might have, a little.)


Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Almost 2 years gone.
Such a long time... and yet it still seems like yesterday she was here. So close are the memories I can almost hear her, smell her... almost but I cannot fully grasp them. Like a word you are searching for and you cannot find... like a phrase or a name on the tip of your tongue, you know you know it, but it does not come...this is Caden for me, just out of reach...

As this unfair, terrible milestone approaches, I find myself resting in what I know to be true, not how I feel. Because to be completely honest I feel pretty crummy. I feel jipped out a life and a future with my daughter. I feel a small hole in my life that screams at me every time I see a picture of her. I feel like her memory, her face, her connection to our family is slipping away... I feel like some days, she is forgotten.


But I know this is not true.

What I know to be true is, God is Sovereign. His plan and purpose for my life, for Caden's life, is perfect. No matter how long, or what is involved. Pain and sorrow are temporary, like this life, like this fallen world. I know God is faithful, He loves and cares for me... He understands my pain, my ache. I know he continually brings me, the Captain, and our precious Caden to the minds of others who love and care for us.
I know she is loved by God. Her life had a purpose. I know she is remembered. I know she is missed. I know she was a gift, a blessing from the Father. I know she was meant for us, in this time... I know her death was in His perfect plan... I know it is part of my plan and purpose as well. I know God will use it for good. I know her life and death has already touched the lives of many. I know because of her, I have grown, I have searched more deeply and thoroughly then ever before. I know I found not found God wanting. I know He is everything He says He is... I know...even when I do not feel...

So today, as I sit and cry, as I sit and stare at pictures of my baby girl, I rest in the truth of what I know, and not in how I feel,  Because truth never feelings do, especially when I am pregnant and hormonal.

Almost 2 years,and it still hurts.
Almost 2 years and God is still faithful to pick me up and carry me when I cannot do it on my own.
And to be honest, I don't want to do it without God anyway.

Monday, September 13, 2010

His first zoology lesson

Last week the Captain was on vacation.  We stayed home, because we enjoy relaxing stay-cations, (or the Captain is still FALSELY charged with a felony and cannot leave the state....whichever, I am going with relaxing vacation from home...)

This is a big reason why I have been silent on the blog front... I had my husband home and we hung out and did fun things together... or napped together, whichever...

One thing we did do was take Rigg to the zoo for the first time.

He is a lover of animals, especially dogs, so we thought he would love it. I think he did, what we know for sure, is that he loved every second of being outside and he loved watching the other kids... He did love the goat...I think it was because he could get up close and touch it... but it was definitely his favorite.

We are not really sure what that one meercat is doing, please ignore... although Rigg seemed intrigued.

The Captain had a great time showing Rigg all the animals, it was fun to see how much he loves showing his son new things. One of the fun things you can do was pet the small sharks. Rigg was too young to really grasp the concept, so he watched...the Captain however was thrilled...he had to be persuaded at first to stick his hand into water with a bunch of sharks, but in the end he kept talking about how cool it was...

After we had traipsed Rigg around in the sun for 2 + hours, he was "all done", and by the time the car was pulling out of the parking lot...he was sound asleep!  We had worn the poor guy out!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

A walk in the park

Saturday was GORGEOUS!!!
So we decided to make the most of it and have some family fun time...

We took Ryder along...because we're nice like that.

and we took our new orange ball...$2.50 courtesy of our local Wal-Mart

There was lots of walking

and more walking

and more walking...

some ball chasing,

some chatting,

and more chatting...

there was high-fiving

and resting

and there was some tickling of the Rigg with the tall grass

and some tickling of the dad...

some kissing of the mom

some pointing

more pointing

a little swinging

and when we were all parked out...we walked home.

And the beautiful gift of a day came to a close...I think I helped the grand finale along with a good dose of semi-sweet chocolate chips when we got home... but that is really beside the point...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Things I've been thinking about

Ryder...what will he look like? If he has red hair, will everybody call him Red Ryder?

Rigg's new big boy room... Do they have the quilt I want in stock... can I find and afford everything I am planning on?

How do you teach a one and a half year old to stay in a bed he can crawl out of?...This makes me very tired just to think about.

Why do people who sell their stuff on craigslist think their stuff is made of gold... or price it as such?

Is it possible to have more dog hair on my floor then on the dog?... a science experiment might be in order...

Do I have the time/inclination to shower today...can I fool others with good make-up and a ponytail?

Why am I surprised to find cheerios in the toilet or toy trucks in the dog bowl?

Why do I not take advantage of my crock pot more often?...hello, dinner without cooking....

How much longer can I wear my wedding ring before it cuts off circulation to my finger?

If I do not do laundry today will I have underwear for tomorrow?

Getting things from others and not being able to give back is hard and humbling.... it is a lesson I am learning.

Why are Indiana summers so HOT???

How many times today will I clean my kitchen before bedtime...3? 4?

How sad it is that the Captain's shirts look so big...until I put them on to wear to bed...and they are not so huge..UGH!

How is it possible to be physically worn out just thinking through your to-do list?

How many things on my to-do list do I really need to do?

Does writing a pointless blog post count as something I can mark off my to-do to look more productive?