Thursday, September 23, 2010

And then, it came to me

Some day you will read in the papers that D.L. Moody of East Northfield, is dead. Don't you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now;
                                                                                ~ D.L. Moody ~

My mind works weird.

I think things are funny that others do not. I laugh at odd things. EVERYTHING brings to mind a song lyric or a movie line... EVERYTHING! If you are around me long enough, you might notice this quirk, (because I am never smart enough to just say it to myself in my head...I always say it out loud, as if others will know exactly what I am talking about and laugh merrily with me) or just think I am nuts if you do not understand the reference...which sadly, is mostly the case..

Which brings me back to how weird my mind works...

Confession: I read Harry Potter.

Think of me what you will.

I do not know how I got there, but yesterday I was reminded of Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington's death day party...and it got me thinking.

"We" try to avoid or be busy or not think on days like the anniversary of a loved ones death. It is painful, mostly, and not something on which we want to spend our mental and emotional energy...because it hurts. Yesterday, being the anniversary of Caden's death got me thinking about how "we", I, act on days that have some sort of painful significance. And most people do just what I have listed above, they avoid it, or stay busy, or try with all of their might to be emotionally absent from their day.

But why?

I know where Caden is. She is in heaven. Heaven is, quite frankly, the ultimate goal. If this is the case...why am I so sad on days like yesterday? Yesterday, of all days, should not be one of sadness, but one of celebration and rejoicing. 2 years ago yesterday Caden got to see Jesus. 2 years ago yesterday Caden got to really live.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Being sad and wallowing in pain is grieving without hope. Am I sad she is gone...yes, but only sad for me, because I am selfish and want her here...if I think of it from an eternal perspective, or even Caden's...she is much better off where she is then in this fallen, miserable world full of pain and sorrow. She is free...she is living like we cannot know or understand.

So yesterday,when I had my epiphany, my revelation...I decided I was not going to be sad. I was going to praise Jesus for saving Caden. I was going to rejoice in Caden's victory, in her reaching the ultimate goal. I was going to celebrate her Heaven Day.

It worked rather nicely. I had a great day. I was bathed in prayer, I was sent oodles of texts and emails from those thinking of Caden and I was held snugly in the hands of Him,who knows me and is seeing the face of my baby girl.
My prayer, for myself as well as for all of those who love and miss Caden, is that when she comes to mind, sadness is not the first knee jerk emotion...I pray that God would change our thinking to one of hope, one of rejoicing and celebration for what He has done, and what He has promised to do for us as well.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Caden might be gone from my presence, but she is not gone, she is not dead. Caden is alive like never before. I praise God for every moment we were given together. And because I have hope, because I have faith in His promise, because I believe... I will see her again.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.


Anonymous said...

Perfectly said. One day our "heaven-day" will reunite us with precious Caden, if we have believed in the Savior in whose arms she is delighting in today!! Love you. Gma b

amber said...

I thought about you and prayed for you yesterday! I'm glad you were able to think on the truth and turn it into a day of rejoicing! You are an encouragement to me! Thanks for sharing with us!

Extraordinary Ordinary Life said...

Love it Cari - wonderfully put.

Rhonda said...

You are such a great example! I love how you've been so "real" through your whole grief process. It's amazing to see how you've moved from stage to stage and now you are able to rejoice in the midst of your pain. God has to be so proud of you!

Anonymous said...

you are an inspiration. really. something so tragic but yet you can find such peace. obviously not overnight, but still...peace. thanks for sharing. thanks for teaching. thanks for inspiring.
said an extra prayer for you and caden yesterday.
:) linda

Jill said...

I feel the exact same way. Today is my sister Sue's 3 year "Heaven Day". She lived, she loved, she was loved. And now she's dancing every day in Heaven. How awesome! Oh and I read Harry Potter too... :)

otherwise known as mom said...

beautifully said!!