Thursday, April 29, 2010

I think my dog might be Italian

Tonight I made a very delicious dinner....I can say it was delicious because it is ALL GONE and it was mostly cheese, and let's face it, anything that is mostly cheese is stinkin' good!

So as I was in the process of making said delicious dinner my jar (really a plastic tube) of Parmesan cheese, the undisputed king of Italian cheeses, stopped sprinkling. Seeing as how I was still a' shakin' the jar (plastic tube) I used my superb deductive reasoning skills to get me to the assumption that the cheese was clogged in the sprinkle holes. So I recapped the jar (plastic tube) and shook with all my might to help the clump of cheese unclump. As I was in the middle of a very believable reenactment from a scene from Cocktail, it was suddenly snowing in my kitchen. The counter, the sink, the floor...all of me, was covered in a fine dusting of the king of cheeses.

At least the clump was sufficiently unclumped.

I wiped down the counter and the sink and swept the cheese on the floor into a nice sized pile. I went ahead and finished sprinkling my delicious dish with cheese and put it in the oven. When I turned around to finish cleaning up after the freak snowstorm, I found a helpful neighbor had already plowed my to speak...

Bo, our mutt, was sitting, wagging his tail right next to the "snow" pile. By the way he was licking his chops, me thinks he wouldn't say no to a meatball.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Have you ever

Have you ever been clapping

and had to stop

and stare in awe

at your hands?

Oh...really? Never? Nah, me either...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

a love affair

My beautiful boy is in love....

Alas, it is not me he falls head over heels for. It is his sippy.
He LOVES it!!!

And gulps down so much water he could roll away...if he was a roller...which he is not.

nothing thrills him more then to see his sippy after a meal. Nothing brings out Riggs wrath like taking it way.

ahhh, I guess the old addage is right, a boy and his sippy are not soon parted...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

about my caden

The boys fussed and whined all morning. I think steam started coming out of my ears around lunch time.
I caved... baby einstein won out and they were both thrilled with the outcome. I will admit, it is more entertaining now that they both move to the music.

As the boys enjoyed their video treat I listened to a message by a young mom who lost her baby girl. She is a believer and I was interested in what she had to say. I wanted to see if we were learning the same things, what she could teach me, what God had taught her. As she shared her story so many thoughts and memories came rushing back...

about my loss

about my hurt

about my sorrow

about my Caden

I remembered what it felt like to be a whole family. To watch Andy smile and cuddle his "so pretty" baby girl.
I remembered the time spent in the hospital watching helplessly as Doctors and nurses tried to revive our baby, they were like flash bulb images, they came fast and bright into my vision...I remembered looking at a nurse and saying "this isn't right, this isn't supposed to be happening." I remembered the look on the nurses face.
I remembered the empty feeling of walking back to our car, hand in hand... without her.

I put both boys down for their afternoon naps and heaved a sigh of relief. But after a few minutes of trying to go about my day normally... thoughts of Caden kept running through my mind.

I had a friend ask me recently if I made time for grief. The question caught me off guard. I stumbled around my answer, trying to think on the fly. I came up with..." I do not set aside time in my day for it, I just handle it accordingly as it hits me." Which sounded good at the time, but I have come to realize that I have not made time for it, or even dealt with it in awhile...

With naptime in session...maybe today was a good

So I walked down the hall to the office. Under the windows sits a white toy box. Inside is all the tangible of Caden I have left on this earth.
The layer of dust on the top of the box started my tears as a guilty feeling swept through me. I am her mother kept playing over and over in my head... dust should not have the opportunity to touch her stuff...
As I opened the lid I saw pictures still in frames from her bedroom. I opened and looked through a scrapbook a precious friend had made me. I barely saw the pages through my did she get through making this without puddles on her floor and stock in waterproof mascara???
I spread my hands along the quilt made from Caden's clothes. I buried my face in the middle and wept for my sweet little girl. I picked up the bag of her pacifiers and memories long shoved aside came back into focus. I would always match her paci to her outfit...she had about 12. I opened the bag that held the mold of her hand. Beautiful and terrible all at the same time. I ran my fingers across hers and I remembered that I always used to open her hands and kiss her palms.

Her memories are in that box...her past, as well as some of her hoped-for future. Things that will always be hers even though she might never have touched them or knew they existed... in my mind, they are linked to her.

My tears were abundant today. My sorrow fresh. But even as my heart swells with hurt I rest confidently in the promise I will see her again. My temporary pain is bearable because I see a light at the end of this long tunnel...and that light is Heaven, Christ... eternity in paradise with my precious Caden. Sweet hope...

Lord come quickly.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Ok, I'll admitt, I have been neglectful. I have chosen walks in the sunshine over blogging. I have chosen trips and dinner with friends over blogging. I have chosen naps and extra long coffee-quiet times over blogging.

But I choose to catch up (ketchup) on my blogging silence.

Last weekend I spent a wonderful weekend with two very good friends. J came down from NY and we drove to see M and her precious kiddos Z and B.

It was great to see and spend time with such good friends...and the mini vacation from being a mama was LOVELY... the captain was a trooper and daddied up for the whole weekend! Father son bonding and what-not.

I learned J was with child! (even though she is so skinny a strong wind could knock her over)

and her little bambino is making her TIRED!

Z is as cute and loquacious as I could have hoped for.

M is the best mommy (such patience) and B is ADORABLE!

I cleaned out my diaper bag and found 7 spoons...

I took the boys on walks

I gave them crazy hair during lunch whilst I applied sunscreen

Rigg is starting to scoot and bounce... crawling might be in the near future....

All the moving wears a little man out

Andy had his one year check-up with an MRI and EEG ( I am sorry I did not mention it so you could pray...) Everything came back clear... THANK YOU JESUS!

Rigg is getting big (or staying big) at his 9 month check-up he weighed in at 23 pounds and was 32 inches tall... he still has 8 teeth!

Ok... all caught up. But I would like to know...did my absence make your heart grow fonder? :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Lady Likestotalkalot

If you know me in person, you know I can be a talker. Ok, to tell the truth, that is putting it mildly. If we are going to be really can't get me to shut up. Silence is an enemy I will beat to death in no time flat...

Just one of my many winning personality traits, thankyouverymuch.

I have had many a lesson on putting my foot in my mouth. I am also well aquainted with that sinking of your stomach feeling after you realize you talked your self into a mess and just kept going instead of shutting your pie hole.
Now, before you get the wrong impression of me, you need to realize, I do know when to quite talking... it just usually hits me about a minute or so after I should have. My filtering system is a bit slow...but I really a joy to be around. :) (said with sarcasim and wit...)

Last year in my quiet time and bible study I learned A LOT about God and who He is. His power, His sovereignty, His faithfulness, His holiness. It was an awesome year. My life experiences meshed with my study and I could see God, His character and plan play itself out in my everyday. I could go on and on about what He taught me and how He taught me... and I have (see my posting archives if you have doubts on that matter...)

This year I am studying Jesus. Just as awesome. However instead of learing about who God is, I am learing about who I am... and that ain't so awesome. I am a prideful, stubborn, selfish, unfocused, gabby kind of a person. Really, when you look at me that way... whew, I am a mess. However, acceptance is the first step, right? I know God is working because I can see myself and my sins... and I know He forgives. I know He is gently molding me, changing my heart...I know because I am learning how to listen!(the proper way)

Now, I am not that good at it...but I am trying. And when I fail, I notice it like a blazing flare in the night sky...sinking feeling as well as foot in mouth and all....

God is working in can tell because of the silence...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ok, got it out... silence is hard!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

a year ago today

A year ago today our lives came to a sudden stop... breifly.

A year ago today we were faced with fear and an uncertain future.

A year ago today we gripped tight to Gods hand and bowed to His decision.

A year ago today was just another begining, another ending, another way for God to prove Himself, again, in our lives.

A year ago today... has it already been a year? 365 days since my rude awakening? Since the 911 call... since the "news"?

I was rereading some of my past posts a few days ago. I skimmed last April. Then I read about my Easter in 2009... how soon I forget. It was a wonderful and terrible day all in one. I remember sitting silently by Andy's bedside reading the crucifixtion story. I remember praying. I remember praising Jesus for small victories. I remember... although I had already forgotten. I am so glad I wrote it down. Because by reading it again...I remember.

I said a thankful prayer to God this Easter that I was able to go to church, that I was able to dress my son for the special day...that my husband was driving us. I thanked God for His wonderful provision and blessing.

On Saturday it will be one year from Andy's surgery. As well as my parents 34th wedding anniversary. I am sure they prefer to celebrate their special day in a nice resuraunt this year and not in a hospital... and this year I think we can comply with that preference.

As I read through my life last April I was struck by a thought. As crazy and chaotic as it was a good month. Maybe not by our human stand point, or by my stress level at the time. But reading what I had written, about what God was teaching me, about how He was manifesting Himself in our lives... If you measure by that, last April was awesome! That being said, I do not really want to relive that particular trial... or any other one, but I do hope that 2010 contains as much of Him as last April....

A year ago today our lives came to a sudden stop

And then God stepped in.

Monday, April 5, 2010


(a post with words to come... for now, enjoy the pics!)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Saturday evening post

My sister and brother (in-law) were here

we had fun hanging out, eating, playing games...I took no pictures of these events...I was busy enjoying myself...and the food.

I did take some pictures though...

of us

and them

and Rigg...because I just can't help myself...

Sara and Ryan also had some fun news.... So I made them a present!

They are gone now...sigh...

Good thing I have this little guy to keep me going!