Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Thanksgiving ~ 2010

So we got a family picture this year... I remembered to charge the battery!
And let's not forget one with the belly...
If you look close, you can see Rigg got another spiffy haircut. He did well, until about halfway through when he vehemently exclaimed that he was "all done". I think the new "do" makes him look like a little man.

Rigg just LOVES his daddy... when the Captain comes home after work, Rigg squeals and breaks out in a jig of joy. Incidentally, I never get that sort of welcome home from him...

Now, an introduction...
This is Miss Macy. Miss Macy's mama {say that 3 times fast} is one of my dearest, longtime friends.

 She and her husband, and now Macy, live in NY, so visits are few and far between. You might remember I was visiting Macy's mama and daddy when I was unceremoniously whacked in the head by a metal bar from the mall ceiling... if not, that's cool...I forget sometimes myself, let's just hope the memory loss is not a side effect from the incident...
I got to meet Miss Macy for the first time this Thanksgiving. She is just 5 weeks old and a beautiful wee thing!
She and I have a special connection... I am not sure what it is, but I really liked her so I am sure she will feel close to me all her life.
You can follow Miss Macy and her life of adventure and intrigue right here if you are so inclined.

This Thanksgiving was a good one. No big highs or lows, which is good I suppose. We are still eating off leftovers. We are still wishing for the days daddy is here all day to play. We are still missing our precious Caden like crazy and I am sure we always will. At least until the day where we will all be together again... singing Praise and Thanksgiving to the One who is worthy.

Revelation 5:13
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying: “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!”

Sunday, November 28, 2010


So did ya'll know I have a niece? Probably not... since she is new...brand spankin' in fact.

Charlotte (Charlie) Caden Detig was born November 27th at 11:41 am. She was(is?) 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 19 in. long.

Both mom (my sis Sara) and the wee babe are doing well.

If you want more details and many, many more pictures, head on over to Sara and Ryan's blog... now Charlie's blog too!

Monday, November 22, 2010

to be restored

This time of year is one of my favorites. I love Thanksgiving. I also get a bit giddy at the time leading up to Christmas. All the family gatherings and the lights and the "joyous" spirit of the season is slightly infectious. I love all the holiday food and the sweaters and the scarves...the first snowfall is like something out of a fairytale... until you have to clean off the car and drive in it and it gets all black and yucky by the side of the road....but I digress.

I am really looking forward to this year and sharing so much of what I love with Rigg. I know his "firsts" were last year, but this is the year he might really get into it, or at least show an interest. Last year he just looked cute in his red sweater and Santa hat... this year he can "participate". Whatever that may look like.

As much as I am anticipating sharing this Thanksgiving and Christmas with my son, it makes me ache for Caden. I have been missing her SO much lately. Almost everything makes me tear up and it takes all of my energy not to become a snotty, mascara running down my face mess. I am constantly getting angry at people in my head because they do not seem to be missing her as much as I am right now... or they do not realize I am having a moment...how dare they not join in... or whatever. This kind of thought pattern and behavior is very much not like me. I am almost at a loss of how to deal with myself. It has made me moody and slightly grumpy, and sad... because I want to see her face and touch her hair and hold her hand...

and I can not.

I get upset when I start to panic about having 2 little ones at home. I think to myself "you should have already dealt with this...you should have 2 at home, this is really your 3rd.". But reality is, although it is my third, it seems like my second. Although I should know how to cope with multiple babies at home, it is going to be a new experience.  And I get angry and jealous at others who have already gone through this part of parenthood... because I should be there with them...

and I am not.

And then I get all frustrated and mad at myself because of what I am thinking and how I am responding. I realize this is a "Cari needs to deal better and get a right attitude and heart before God" matter. I am fully aware that I am struggling and the only thing really holding me back is my pride, my arrogant heart... my want of recognition for what "I have been through". I know I need to fully accept God and His sovereignty over my life, I need to bow completely to His will for me and give Him all of the glory, all the recognition... all the control...

but I have not.

You would think that I would have already dealt with this by now... and to be truthful, I think I have to some degree. But I also think this is something that I will battle over and over again my whole life. I think some battles will be easier won then others. I think some days it is going to be easy to show grace to others and to myself for comments or just the situation at hand. Other days are going to be hard. Or, like now, some seasons are going to be hard.

I also know there is One I can go to for all of the mess I have recited above. I know He listens and cares... and wants me to come to Him. I know He is waiting for me to come and lay my pride and frustration at His feet, to accept His mercy and forgiveness, to give up my "assumed" control. He is waiting... I need only to go.

1 John 1:9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Matthew 7:7  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

I know my God is faithful. He has proven Himself over and over. I am the unfaithful one. Even though I know I have fallen... I know He is there to pick me up and lead me...waiting to heal and restore me again... I only need to go.

What about you, friends? Do you need healing and restoration? He is faithful, he is trustworthy, He is there...He is waiting... you only need to go.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Did my absence make your heart grow fonder?

(Warning: this post is a bit all over the place. I accomplished the following post in 3 different sittings: although on the same day... it is a bit disjointed. I started it at 8 this morning and finished it  around 4 this afternoon... the biggest gap being taken because my precious son turned the computer off mid-sentence on me....just an FYI.)

The Captain has repeatedly hinted that I am allowing too much time to pass between posts. I am not sure why he cares so much... he knows what is going on around here!

My biggest hurdle lately has been a change in schedule. Rigg has dropped his morning nap and I am struggling to adjust my day accordingly. I used to use that morning nap time to shower, do my bible study, write a post, or just have some nice "me" time... but alas, this is no longer an option. Needless to say, I am falling behind in all the previously mentioned categories.... none so gruesome as the shower and personal hygiene arena... but I digress.
( Just to prove my point, I just had to take a 10 min. break and go discipline my son for taking all the DVD cases out of their designated spot as well as change a poopy diaper... now I ask you, how am I supposed to get anything written that has some sort of point when I cannot sit and think things through?)

The past couple of weeks have been filled with colds, coughs, sinus nastiness and Dr. appointments. The Captain has been having some increasingly annoying symptoms since his brain surgery a year and a half ago. His main issues are headaches, blurred vision and dizziness. Because his last MRI was clean his Dr.'s are going to be doing some tests to rule out a handfull of other possibilities. If you think about it, please keep the Captain in your prayers. Pray that the Dr.'s would have clear and accurate results from the tests and that we are able to find an easy answer to Andy's issues.

I told the Captain last night that I am reaching that point in pregnancy where I worry if everything I have planned will get accomplished. I am starting to get nervous that all my sorting, washing, moving, painting and adjusting Rigg to a new room is a bit much to do in 10 weeks...
AND... my clothes are staring to become really tight, short and uncomfortable. The last 10 weeks of pregnancy is NOT a time to go shopping! ( just consider this a warning to all those who see me often... you will be seeing me in the same things, over and over and over again... )

I have really been missing Caden lately. I tear up at her pictures, I cry thinking about her. I am not sure if it the pregnancy hormones coursing through my system, or the time of year, or the fact that this pregnancy is on the exact same track as hers. Or everything together...or I just miss her because she is my daughter... and that ache will always be there. I sat in the office last night watching the pictures on the screen saver roll in and out of focus on the screen. I watched as pictures from my life passed by. What seems like my past life and my present one. With Caden... without her. With Rigg... without Caden. Never together, not here, not now... but someday.  I was a snotty, slobbery mess when the Captain finally turned it off and pulled me out of the room.
I have had a few sad moments in conversations with strangers. I have gotten to the point in this pregnancy where people assume I am due any day. Eyes bulge when I tell them I have over 2 months left. I reply that this is my 3rd and usually that is that. Or someone just assumes that (if I am with Rigg) it is my second and they ask if I know what I am having. When I reply boy they say" all boys!" (I am not sure what that is supposed to mean... good? bad?) As I walk away from these short and very insignificant interactions, I think to myself, the "outside" world will never know I am the mommy to a little girl. And even though I know people know and people remember... it still makes me sad. I have been thinking about having 2 boys in the house and I am getting excited about meeting Ryder, but it does pull at my heart to walk past the pink sweaters and the frilly Christmas dresses in the stores. I just miss little girl things... well, I just miss my little girl.
Although I know I must carry on, ache and all. I know it is really just a brief time compared to what is to come, when I can spend eternity with her. Some days, it just seems like a really long time to wait.
Lord come quickly!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

ketchup (catch up)

Where to begin....

We had an ultrasound last Thursday. Ryder looks good and healthy and is still a boy! ( I make them check!) He does seem to be a big boy, possibly following in the steps of his big brother. Ryder is in the 86th percentile. He is weighing in at 3 pounds (and we still have 12 weeks to go.... oh boy!)
I was supposed to get my glucose test done then too, but I got sick...really sick. Turns out I had a bout of the flu. Not fun when pregnant.  I was out of commission for Thursday and Friday with a recovery day on Saturday. By Sunday Morning I was feelin' great.
I, being the sharing kinda gal that I am, have passed it on to others... Your welcome. Rigg and the Captain seem to be just fine thankyouverymuch.

The Captain had an MRI last Thursday as well (it was a strange day). We got the results back late yesterday and everything looks crystal clear! Good news... always a blessing!

Rigg was a Colts football player for Halloween. He was super cute... you'll have to trust me on that. I did bring my camera...but I forgot to charge the battery. I think the Captain might have a few pics on his phone, so maybe later...
The Captain and I joined Rigg and were a small Colts team... I wore one of Andy's jerseys... it was picture worthy, let me tell ya. I could just kick myself over the camera battery... my pregnancy brain is working overdrive lately!

I am starting to get more and more small things done for Rigg's big boy room. It is going to be an undertaking, that is for sure. We have to move all kinds of things around. Like: the office is going bye-bye and the computer is going in the kitchen and then we have to paint and... are you getting tired just reading this list? And I only have what? 80 days?

I think it is time for a nap...