Tuesday, July 23, 2013

She flew all the way from North Carolina and I fed her leftovers....

It is a bit surreal and kinda like a movie script... and yet it is the story of how I "met" and then IRL (in real life) met Lindsay.
Lindsay is a mama of three beautiful babies. Her firstborn, Ayden, is living in Heaven with Jesus.
And that is how we "met".
She and her husband lost Ayden almost a year after Caden died.
And by God's abundant grace and mercy she found my blog. Lindsay left a comment, I returned one on her blog.... and an unlikely friendship was born.
Now, as always, God knew what He was doing... Lindsay and I share much more than the knowledge of grief over a babe gone so soon. She and I love to read (the same books!) and we have the same movies memorized. We love coffee and sleep... and the same flavor cheesecake! (which is chocolate raspberry truffle, in case anyone was wanting to get me some cheesecake in the near future...)
Lindsay and I have chatted over the phone a few times, texted a lot and followed each other's lives by stalking the others blog. God united our hearts over the shared loss of a child, built a friendship during the long road of grief, and strengthened it over the past 4 years through Andy's battle with Cancer and the loss of her dad.
And then, Lindsay became super brave.
I received a text one day last winter/spring. She said she had asked for a ticket to Indy for her birthday... she was coming to visit!
Life changing movie moment... I was finally going to meet my online friend.
(this was me on my way to pick her up... I was SUPER EXCITED!!! I might have peed 4 times before leaving the house!)
Ready or not... here she comes.... But I was crazy ready!! I had wanted to hug the stuffing outta that girl for years!
So on July 5th she made her way, with her ADORABLE daughter Charlotte, into my hug and into my home for a whole two days!
WE laughed, chatted watched movies, went shopping... and she was kind enough to eat all my leftovers. True friend! Although we did share a meal and a cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory!
The boys fell in love with Charlotte. Ryder keeps coming up to me even now and asking where baby Charlotte is! 
It took her awhile to get used to our dog, Bo, but when she finally stopped being terrified of him, Charlotte thought he was great!
God is truly an amazing God! It was as if I had known her all my life... she even saw me without my makeup... you know it's real then, people!
All too soon, it was time for her to go. I miss her and her southern twang!
Ayden's and Caden's deaths have done mighty works through the grace of God...
and my friendship with Lindsay is one of the awesome, life changing things God has granted me through this trial.
Lindsay, thanks for being brave and flying to hug me!
Love you!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

So I married the Captain today... nine years ago.

Today the Captain and I have been married 9 years.
It is a bit hard to wrap my mind around. 9 years.
I am so blessed and thankful to have such a wonderful husband. He loves me more than I deserve.
We had plans to get away, just the Captain and me. A little road trip, a stay at a hotel... a warm dinner made and served by others, eaten without interruption or a tiny human crawling all over you.
But then the Captain started feeling poorly, same symptoms that put him in the hospital two weeks ago. So we had to cancel.
Don't feel too bad for me. My wonderful mother still took the kiddos all day yesterday and last night, so I had a whole day of sloth-like relaxation while Andy slept and tried to recover (the Doc called in and switched a med, hopefully relieving his discomfort and fever.... it worked OK yesterday afternoon and last night).
A very small part of me was disappointed at our last minute cancellation. A bigger part of me was not surprised. It seems lately we can't catch a break. I had a moment where I really just wanted to vent and complain... I wanted others to acknowledge just how sucky my life could be.
Then I took a breath and mustered up the energy to not act like I was 5 and prayed for a better attitude. God showed up. As He always does, with a proper perspective and a peace and contentment for my situation.
I've been telling myself for awhile, if God has given Andy the task of fighting stupid brain cancer, then it is my job to pick up the slack, to deal gracefully and lovingly with whatever my day brings. Whether that is parenting solo, running errands, chores, canceling really fun plans, or doing things that I just do not want to do. And if God has given me this job, this jack-of-all-trades-pick-up-the-slack-kind-of-job, then He has provided a way for me to do it well, with love and grace and joy.
I just tend to go my own merry way for a awhile before I surrender.
Its a process.
He's still working on me.
So instead of pouting all day yesterday, I enjoyed the rest and relaxation of being home without my boys.  It had it's own kind of loveliness. And today, on the day of our anniversary, I am nothing but thankful for my husband and my marriage.
It never ceases to amaze me how God can turn a persons heart.
That is a true miracle.