Friday, September 30, 2011


Rigg is funny. He is silly and hyper and all over the place.

And he is surprizing.
really... just the other day he jumped up, threw his hands up in the air and yelled "a-pies!" (surprize!)
and I wondered... where did he learn that?!?!?

He does that to me a lot... just throws some new fangled word or idea out there and puts me all in a tizzy thinking he is a genius.
( genius, you say? a bit over the top?... maybe...)

He did it again yesterday.

We were in Ryder's room when he starts pointing at the stop sign and saying "og-a-gon" over and over.

I said "Buddy, that's a stop sign."

Rigg: "NO! og-a-gon!"

pause (brain clicks on)

stunned silence,

he just said octagon!!!!

he knows a stop sign is an octagon!



me: "good job, Rigg! You're right, that is an octagon. You're so smart."

Rigg, smiling from ear to ear "og-a-gon!"

me, pointing to the yield sign: "good job! Can you tell me what shape that one is?"

Rigg: "Circle!"

me: sigh, hang head in disbelief... maybe "genius" was a tad hasty...

but he is super cute...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

forward motion

He is slowly figuring it out.

He gets SO frusterated... and it seems I could pick more tempting motivators...
as well as not film him sideways...sigh...

I am(overly)well aware that Ryder has up and passed his 8 month mark by almost a whole month and I have yet to post pictures...or stat assumptions.
thank you.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Baby Michael

Remember when I talked about having friends that I have known forever?

Well one of those BFF's, the one I begged to start a blog... Lauren, she did.
 and she was expecting a bouncy baby boy in January.

I say was because he.. baby Michael...he arrived yesterday. Michael is 1 lb. 5 oz and 12 inches long. The Little guy is strong and seems to be a mighty fighter.
His mama and daddy are rejoicing over their new son... and praying hard for his little life. 24 weeks is pretty small.

But we all know when life seems small it opens up doors for God to do big things.

So we pray.

For strenth and health. For life and breath. For small, steady, little steps toward growth and home. We pray for rest and peace and comfort for Lauren and hubby.

and the great thing can pray to, and be apart of Michael's life... from his early begining...

Lauren has been a friend who has been there for me... I want to be there for her... and bringing a few extra prayer warriors along with me never hurts!

Please join me in praying for Lauren, her hubby and their new, very small, very precious son, Michael. They need it!

please do not forget K and S and their baby boy Judah...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Caden's 3rd Heaven Day

3 years.
Can it be three years already?  My heart says no...but my calendar says yes.
3 years.

3 years ago today we held our Caden for the last time... we kissed her soft, pudgy cheek, stroked her silky hair and held her tiny beautiful hand one final time, and said goodbye.

3 years.
It seems like yesterday.
It seems like a lifetime ago.

God has taught us much during this time.  He has held us close, brought us comfort and peace... shown us grace, mercy and compassion. He has proven His love and faithfulness over and over and over again.

But it still hurts. My heart still aches. My arms still feel empty with the loss of her.

Life is long without her.

And yet...even through the pain, even though we feel her gone with every breath, we choose to rejoice. We choose to praise God for all He has done because of her life...because of her death.
We choose to rejoice because we know where Caden is. We know her life has really just begun... and we know we will see her agin.

So on this, Caden's Heaven Day, rejoice with us. For Caden's life, her memory, but mostly for the Hope that she reminds us of.

The hope of Heaven.


Below is a post I wrote a few months back for Life Rearranged.
I never posted it here... but I thought today was a great day to do so.


She was, in one word, delightful. But I cannot just stop at one word. She was beautiful, and pleasant. Giggly, warm and soft. She was snuggly and squishy and… in my mind, perfect. She had this way of smiling that started in her eyes. Her eyes would sparkle and twinkle and you knew it was coming… that smile… she could win anyone over with that smile.

Caden was pure joy.

I miss her smile… her twinkly, sparkly eyes…so much.

Her brothers have her eyes.
It is wonderful.
It breaks my heart.

They are both younger then Caden… and forever older. She was our first. Our only girl. Sometimes I look around my life and see what might have been. The pink, the hair bows, the dresses…

It hurts to know some people will never know me as a mother to a daughter. They look and see blue, trucks and dirt and footballs, never to understand that the first time I became a mommy… it was to a soft, wonderful baby girl.

Her life forever changed me.

Her death forever changed me.

Although her death brought hurt, pain and struggles, it brought so much more. Caden’s death brought hope. The wisdom and knowledge in my God gained since then is irreplaceable. Even the pain has brought something that I do not think I could have obtained otherwise...perspective. A heavenly one. Hope for the future that wouldn't be quite as intense, faith as an every day companion like never before. The crows feet, brought on by the weight of this life may be more pronounced, but hopefully so is my reliance on the One who knows and understands the ache...

Although each day that dawns is one more day without her. It is also one more day closer to seeing her again.

The next time I see my Caden, we will never have to part.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.
Therefore comfort one another with these words.

Caden's 2nd Heaven Day
Caden's 3rd Heaven Day

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Calling all prayer warriors...

From deep in my heart I issue a request... a plea.

prayer for a young and hurting family.

I got word this morning a family lost their baby boy. Judah. 2 weeks with Jesus.

Although Judah, now pain free, is rejoicing and praising... his mama and daddy are hurting... deep, gut wrenching hurt.

Let's come together and pray for them now. For strength, for comfort and the peace that only our Savior can bring. Pray for loving hands to be there when they need them. To hold, hug, clean, comfort, care, pray , cook... to love them in their time of much need.

I know how much it meant to me to discover how many people were thinking and praying for us... who didn't even know us. To know my baby... her life had impacted and affected people all over... to learn "her story" was being used by God to bring hope and joy... and bringing people back to Christ was more encouraging and comforting to be then I can express.

Let us give them K and S, who have just handed their precious son, Judah, over to Jesus,  this gift. A gift of prayer... encouragement, comfort and hope....

PLEASE leave a comment for them here... where they can come and read them. Pass their story along so we can join together and lift them before the Throne of Grace and hopefully bring them comfort and peace.

We are needed now.

Hebrews 10:25 do not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

How to re-do a dresser {part 1}

1. buy extremely cheap, very beat up dresser.

2. let dresser sit untouched in garage for 2 months.

2. prep dresser by sanding.

3. let toddler play with dirty stick.

4. after repeatedly telling toddler not to put dirty stick in mouth... and saving his life by hiding said stick with deadly stagnant water ick... continue sanding.

5. teach toddler to help the Captain with detail work.

6. let the baby supervise.

7. check the toddler and Captain's performance on said detail work.

8. check the supervisors mood.

9. reveal paint color.

10. stop all work for McDonalds run.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

count your blessings

remember about 97 years ago when I told you I was repainting my living room?
OK... about 2 months ago...

anyway, I repainted... almost the exact same color of cream... but now it is a cleaner cream.

Before I repainted I had a photo wall... I loved it.

then I had kids

and toys multiplied by the thousands in my itty-bitty living room

and my photo wall with all its lovely black frames started to feel like it was falling on me and crowding me out of my living room...

I had to simplify.


I started me some brain-storming.

and in a moment of sheer genius I seized upon an idea most brilliant.

and then I had to be patient whilst I gathered all the materials that it would require to finally construct the "idea most brilliant".

I need be patient no more.

My big blank wall is blank no longer.

Feast your eyes internet...

Upon my blessings

and my wall

of brilliance

{ and humility }

Monday, September 12, 2011

The overwhelmingly hard in the normally simple.

It has been almost three years, and I still do not know how to properly respond to the question.

You would think, since I am asked it often, it would be easy by now. That I would not still grapple with what to say.

But I do.

And my struggle is not because "answering this question is silently ripping my soul apart", although that used to be true. God, in His abundant Grace and Love for me has comforted and cared for my deep grief in ways I would not have hoped or imagined. No, my confusion in responding is more "what is appropriate for this situation/person."

The question you ask?

"How many children do you have?"

Simple as the question is... the answer is not always as simple.

again... it is not super, gut-wrenchingly painful to be asked... it is just confusing trying to form the proper answer for the proper situation....

Let me give you a little example...

"How many children do you have?"

I am absolutely certain an immediate response is standard to this is just , before I can answer I have a few questions/determinations of my own...

1. I know the next question is always " How old are they" so a true response of "three" will inevitably lead to a Caden discussion.
2. Do we have time to discuss Caden...because when you tell someone your child has died... they have questions... (this is a major consideration when in line at the grocery changes completely when you are just chatting with a new acquaintance...)
 * this is also where it is important I tell you, that when I talk about Caden's death, my mind directly links God and His provision for us and His Love and care for our family... and I always like to share about what "really" happened... not just that she died...but that her death has a purpose...
?do I have time...?
~ elapsed time .9 seconds ~
3. Do I really want to discuss this...depends...some days I am moody and selfish and the answer is no...sad, but true
4. Do I really want to see the sadness/pity in there face?
~ elapsed time 2.7 seconds ~
5. Will telling them about Caden completely derail the conversation... will we ever get back to what we were talking about?
(Like what if we were discussion fabulous new shoes...or the making of caramel brownies... or my new fascination with Pinterest? Will our carefree, happiness of a conversation end?)
5 1/2. How selfish am I for wanting to talk about pointless things instead of deep meaningful things?  ~1 second lost to feelings of sinful guilt~
6. If I don't tell them... is is dishonoring to Caden not to talk about her?
7. If I don't tell them... am I totally missing an opportunity to witness and share about God and His over whelming Goodness and Love?
~ elapsed time 5.6 seconds ~
AHHH!!! what to say...what to say...

At about this point the polite person who asked the common, innocent question has major question marks in their eyes...
why is she taking so long to respond?
is she so sleep deprived she forgot?
was she even listening to the question?
So they shift their feet, and cock their head to the side as if to gently say... yes? I'm waiting... 
and then I have to make a decision.

The overwhelmingly hard in the normally simple.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cry baby

So I was snapping pics of the boys yesterday.
I had an idea for a post...

and then

I saw this picture and
{decided the "idea post" could wait a day...or two (knowing me)}

It made me smile... it made me chuckle... it made me say "awww!" out loud. 
it is cute and sad and slightly amusing all at once...
SO I thought it would be fun if you all added a caption.

So come up with a good one!

(could you just die from the tears? really...)

Friday, September 2, 2011

An AWESOME red door

SO... there is this beautiful church just down the street from my house.

It has an AWESOME red door.

and a pretty little courtyard.

But mostly... an AWESOME red door.

An AWESOME red door that I was certain the boys would look great/stunning/amazing in front of

so we took a walk

in the 100 degree heat

with the boys in shirt-sleeves

so mama could take a picture

or 134


and ya' know what?

I was right...

the boys did look great/stunning/amazing

and cute

and...sniff... grown-up...

in front of the AWESOME red door.