Monday, September 21, 2009

was and is

She was born on January 24th 2008
She was warm and cuddly
She was our first
She was perfect, 10 fingers, 10 toes
She was a smiler
She was a good sleeper
She was a morning baby
She was a lover, not a cryer
She was the joy of her mama
She was the heart of her daddy
She was playful
She was in love with her own voice
She was loud
She was beautiful
She was loved
She was taken from us on September 22nd 2008
She was gone before we could register
She was our gift from God to care for and carry for awhile
She was then carried off by angels to be with Him
She was wonderful
She is wonderful
She is beautiful
She is laughing and smiling
She is worshiping
She was
She is
all because
He was and is and is to come
Revelation 4:8
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying:

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

It will be a year tomorrow. The longest, hardest, most terrible, most amazing year of my life. I cannot believe it has been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday she was here. But most days it is hard to remember her face, her voice, her smile...then it seems like it has been many, many more years than just the one. I know as each year rolls around I will think about that terrible afternoon, but hopefully I will also remember what God has done. The people He has touched and taught through my baby girls brief life. The things He has taught me and the Words I now cling to and hide in my heart. The Hope that manifests itself daily in my actions and thoughts. Each year will be both wonderful and horrible without her. Each year will hold more laughter and tears...without her. Each year may seem like an eternity without her. But we know that is not so. The years here are but dust in the wind, grass that withers on a sunny day, smoke from a fire...Here for just a short time and then gone. And when eternity does come, we will not be without her. We will be with her more completely and more fully then we ever could have been here. Until Gods purpose for my life is done. I will watch and wait for Him to take me home, to be with be with her.
She was my daughter.
She is my daughter.


designHER Momma said...

Beautiful tribute to your daughter. May you find peace today, tomorrow and everyday that is to come.

Mimi said...

Ah my dear one! We are praying for you and Andy. Hardly a day goes by that you are not in my prayers and thoughts! I pray that amidst your grief you can remember the joy that is set before us! To be united with our Lord and your precious baby girl!

Chelle said...

I have been following your blog and silently praying for you for months. Your words are beautiful and Caden was and is lucky to have you as her mommy. God Bless your family.

Just Me - The Champion said...

Dear Lord Jesus,
I pray for Cari and Captain right now I lift their spirits their lives and their hearts up to you and ask that you take them under your sweet wing. That they look straight to you for support. That you heal their emotions. That you pour out your love on them tomorrow and every day. That they feel your presence and protection in their lives. I pray protection over Rigg and that he grow up to honor you in all he does. Thank you God for these awesome wonderful people who's life journey has taught me more about you... that I may live my life by their awesome faith example. That you DO make good things come from tragic circumstances. Bless Cari as she raises Rigg to be an awesome man of God. Bless the Captain as he is Rigg's shining example. Help them heal. In Jesus' holy name I pray. AMEN

Heidi @ Indy Photography said...

Praying for you this week, as always.

Lindsay from SA said...

You are a very special mom! May the Lord be with you and your hubby this week!

Ann said...

Thinking of you. My heart breaks for you. Remembering sweet Caden and holding my little ones a bit closer.

Amber Schmidt said...

That may well be one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard.... thank you for sharing your beautiful Caden with us :)

Linsation01 said...

So beautiful..and so true. You said everything my heart feels these days. Thinking about you and praying for you...especially tomorrow.

Hokie Grandma said...

Keeping your family in our prayers and praisng Him for being the God of Glory!

McDermott Fam said...

I have been following your blog for a while now after hearing your story through mutual friends of ours. I have been praying for you often and will do so especially tomorrow. I have a little boy named Kaden so it is easy to remember her and hold that name close to my heart. I also have a new baby that is a couple of weeks younger than Rigg. Please know that you are in my prayers and have touched my heart by your faith.

Out on a Limb said...

Hi Cari,
I'm a stranger who happened on your blog...I don't know how. I started reading right about the time The Captain was diagnosed with the brain tumor. I want you to know that I have read your blog with joy and sadness at times and we have prayed for you. I always feel strange commenting on "strangers" blogs, but I want you to know, today...tomorrow, you will be heavy on my heart. You have written a beautiful tribute to your daughter. I admire your strength, your honesty and your courage.

Joyce said...

beautiful. the Lord Jesus is surely in love with her voice as well. She is surely more perfect than ever. She is surely more playful than ever. She is surely louder than ever. She is surely more beautiful than ever. She is surely more loved than ever.

Heavy-hearted for all of you. Praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

You have no idea who I am, but I am thinking of you and praying for you today.

May you have peace.

Hold on tight today to that precious little boy.

Rebekah said...

Thinking about you today & praying for peace & comfort.

Beck said...

Cari, for the past week I have had today earmarked on my calendar. So many of us strangers are praying for you and Andy today. All last week I would glance at 9/22 in my daytimer and God would put a weight in my heart. I was praying for y'all before bed, and I'm praying for you now before the sun rises. Beautiful Caden - her life has meaning! God has made her important to me & I've yet to meet her!

Be loved today!

Anonymous said...

I've been praying for you and Andy so much more this week. I love you and I'm thankful that you're showing us who God is in this process.


Krista said...

Cari & Andy,
I know today is going to be rough, but the outlook you have on life is incredible! Trust me, I know & I'm a complete stranger to you! The blessings you are to those around you, and around the nation is amazing! The love you have for your son, for the Son & each other radiates to those around you. God is holding you all today. He is wrapping His grace, comfort & peace and surrounding you today, tight in His embrace. He loves you more than you'll ever know or comprehend!
May you feel blessed & loved today!

Kathy said...

I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling today or every day for that matter. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your little girl, looked like happiness and sunshine personified, she was such a cutie pie. I love your blog and am inspired by all your posts. Praying for peace for you and your husband on this very difficult day.

Rhonda said...

Praying for you today....

Nansie (Ahlgrim) Whitt said...

Thinking of you and praying for you today.

Anonymous said...

Thinking and praying for your family today. Caden will always be remembered!!!
Lin in FL

Kimberly said...

She was, she is...beautiful and a gift that will live on in your hearts and the hearts of all who knew her, knew of her.

Thinking of you as your heart aches for your baby girl today.

Kimberly - Canada

Penny said...

That is beautiful, Cari! That is exactly what I meant when I commented a couple of days ago. You make her come to life for all of us every time you post about her. I LOVE the first picture of her with her Daddy! What gorgeous hair! =)

Anonymous said...


Your last two blogs were so beautifully written. God has given you a gift to articulate your pain and wisdom in such an amazing way. I was glad to see you posted pics again -- I always love to see them. I was amazed to notice that Rigg really does look like Caden. You can definitely tell they are brother and sister.

You looked great today - praise God for the strength He gave you. I will pray that strength will remain tomorrow. Even if the rest of your life is "normal" -- be assured God has purpose for you and Andy and continued ministry and deeper depths in your relationship with Him.

Love you,


Kristi P said...

What beautiful thoughts for your beautiful girl. As I was driving home tonight I thought back to a year ago when we received the ohone call about Caden. Just then, as I looked out the window, I saw the most beautiful rainbow....big and bright...just like Caden.
Our prayers are with you.

Sydney said...

I stumbled on your blog a few days ago from a friend of mines. Your title caught my eye.. "To bring Him glory." I read your "thoughts of a sad mommy" and got completely drawn in by your story, your heart, and your love for Jesus despite this horrible event in your life. I have prayed for you today and just wanted you to know. What an inspiring woman you are... even to people who have never met you. I only hope that I can go through hard times in my life with such beauty and grace.

Just Me - The Champion said...

Cari and Andy,

I prayed for you today. I thought of you lots. This day is nearing an end and as I read over all of the above comments I am blown away at what God is doing in the hearts and lives of people who hear your story... Caden's story. Powerful kingdom moving things are happening. You can be sure of that. Thinking of you... praying for you and asking God to continue His provision, protection and comfort. Lv, jen

Missyjoy74 said...

You don't know me but I've followed your blog for months and prayed for you constantly. There are no words for me to say to you other than I'm praying for you as you grieve.

Mace and Brei said...

Thank you SO much for sharing your story and your beautiful Caden's story...she was and is such a beautiful girl. Rigg is adorable, just simply edible! I am honored to read the words you write from your heart, and am inspired and moved to love our GOD more deeply and wholly and honestly. Revelation Song is my absolute fave. Beautiful post, beautiful words, beautiful girl, beautiful life.