Monday, September 28, 2009

A wandering interrupted

I was sitting on the couch holding my son.
He was supposed to be napping but, instead, was wide wake.
He was smiling at me, giving me the best lopsided grin ever. Which in turn made me happy I was holding him and we were sharing a moment. He was warm and snugly, soft and wonderful.
I thanked God for a son, who looks so much like his sister and yet at the same time...so very different.
As I sat holding Rigg my mind wandered to the goings on this past year. How crazy it seemed at times...how hard and gut wrenching. How wonderful and amazing.
I remember so much and yet so little. I love hearing stories from people. About my daugher, about Andy and the time surrounding the tumor...parts of which are so clear...other parts are blank and it is like hearing a story of someone else's life.
Rigg started hiccuping like a drunk man, bringing me back into the present. Oh, I do love that grin...and those eyes...
So like Caden's...it was a year ago yesterday that we buried her. We sang a song in worship yesterday that we sang during her "life celebration" service. Blessed be your name.

He gives and takes away
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.

I thought how right at that moment my life was a perfect example of His giving and taking away...Caden and Rigg.

Blessed be Your name.

I have been struck lately how my story is just one of millions. I sit at the computer and get lost blog-hopping. Blog after blog I find of mothers just like me who have lost a child...who are grieving...who are lost, who need an outlet, so they write. So many of them are believers. I am awestruck at their honesty and their faith...Christ is working. We should never have to live without our children, but we live in a fallen, sinful world...so many stories. All so different, all so very similar. Who am I to think I am different, or in any way an anomaly...so much hurt out there...
And yet as I looked back down at my son, so much to rejoice over. His perfect face...well, except for that weird scaly eyebrow...but perfect none the less...
Just at that moment Rigg's face got red, he straighted out his little body and let out a nice loud fart...

oh well, just goes to show, you try and have a peaceful moment around a gassy guy and it always gets interrupted...


7 comments:

Just Me - The Champion said...

Can I tell you that your beautiful wonderful son has the sweetest smile? So many times when I'm holding Josie, I wish I could video tape her... while I hold her in my arms and she looks up at me and grins or laughs or coos. It does not matter what is going on around me... I am so glad you have those awesome moments with Rigg. They are the "gift" I think God talks about when he tells us children are a gift. It is not the physical gift, but the moments we get with them. The tender sweet moments. Peace to you today friend, jen

Linsation01 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linsation01 said...

(I had typos in my deleted message...couldn't leave it like that!)

We sang the same song at Ayden's "Celebration" service. Songs have taken on a different meaning to us now. Before, we would sing the songs and yes, we meant what we sang, but didn't let it penetrate. Now, every words penetrates me - the words move me like never before. Just like that song - "you give and take away....my heart will choose to say....blessed be your name." So often, I want to ask those around me if they realize what they're saying by singing those words - the weight they carry....because in this, in losing my son, I've lived the giving and taking away, and my heart continues to say, blessed be the name of the Lord. As hard as that can be...I know my God is faithful...even through sorry this deep.. Thank you for your comments and prayers. Please know we keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers as well. Rigg is a cutie :) Boys are so much fun....

julie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Funny Rigg...very funny!

sabo family said...

Hilarious! Yes, leave it to a guy to interrupt the moment with his "guy-ness". LOL!

Rigg is a cutie!

Heidi @ Indy Photography said...

SO STINKIN' CUTE. :)

Jill said...

I love his smile! He's cheeks are kissable and pinchable, and his eyes are so beautiful! What a blessing he is. For sure.