Tuesday, July 17, 2012

all done

Ever have those times in your live when it feels like everything is falling apart, nothing is going right and every time you turn around it is some semi-big something you have to deal with/fix?

That is my life right now.
Some of the things are big... and worth a substantial amount of prayer and thought.
Others are small but have the kind of timing in my day to produce an over-reaction of frustrated stress-induced tears.

Awhile back the Captain lost his job. We were 4 and a half months without $$ coming in. Making things really tight. Then in a huge answer to prayer he found a job with a local company. It was less then he was making... paying the bills, but just, really. And then there was a small hitch... He was denied a medical card because he has had a seizure in the last 10 years and is on anti-seizure meds. This made it difficult for his employers because he could not drive or handle some machines that his job needed him to and be covered by the company's insurance. So they have kept him as long as they can... but they really need someone who can do everything they need. And God has limited the Captain in this area.

So the Captain is now actively looking for a new job.

And I am actively trying very hard to rest in Gods timing and not worry about how to feed my family.

A few days ago I was really struggling with my attitude.  I was, simply put, tired of dealing with life.
I really just wanted something to be easy for a change.  I was really mad that it was 750 degrees outside and my house was hot... and the air in our van decided to go out...
and then Andy came home and said he had only a week of work left...
I found a hole in one of my favorite shirts...
and then my hair straightener started smoking when I plugged it in...
and I was done. All done.

But THANKFULLY, even when I am all done and I want to throw in the towel and give up, God does not waiver... he does not give up on me.

And God and His merciful Truth followed me around for 2-3 days just calmly reminding me... He was in control... He had a plan... He would not forget us... He will take care of our needs.

And then I felt weary of fighting... tired of being worried and angry and frustrated.
And I turned and said.
I know.
I know you are in control... I know you have a plan... I know have not forgotten us...I know you will provide what we need,
I know.
But my heart still fears, and doubts, and seizes up with worry.
And I hate it.
Help me let it go.

And I know He is.
He has not taken my problems and magicked them away.
We are still without job.
Without air in our van.
My shirt still has a hole and I had to toss out my straightener.

But He has shown me in the small things...
Prayer from loved ones,
a hug from a friend,
oreo's and grocery $ from people who love us.
He is helping me gain victory over my horrible attitude.
He is being faithful to me.

And I am trying to rest in Him.
 And wait patiently for His timing... and what God has in store.

And hopefully it will contain a new straightener....

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

On this day

 To quote The Princess Bride

Ma-wige is what bwings us togever today.
Ma-wige, dat bwessed awangement.
Dat dweem wiffin a dweem.
(check it out here)

8 years ago today it was stinkin' HOT.
and humid.
and it poured buckets for about 15 minutes which happened to be when I was walking down the isle.

8 years ago today, the Captain and I were wed.

and it was awesome!

we were young
and skinny
and blissfully naive about hardship and suffering
and madly in love.

And we still are...
madly in love.

I am a better woman because of the blessings God has poured out on me through the Captain. I am richer then I deserve. Our 8 years together has brought such joy and laughter to my life.  1 dog, 1 house, 3 kids and a couple crisis later, I can honestly say...
I am one very blessed lady.
To celebrate our anniversary, the Captain and I spent Saturday all to ourselves in an elaborate and romantic date-like setting... painting our dinning room... because WE thought it was in desperate need of new paint.
It looks fabulous, BTW.

If you are interested in seeing more of our wedding day; check this out!


Monday, July 9, 2012

here here

I'm here.
Just not here here.

Life is busy.
I have pictures to post.
Stories to tell.
Ponderings and musings to share.
Lessons God is teaching me to pass on.

and yet my blog is crickets.

so, just know, I am here.
Just not here here.

I want to be here here.
 I really want to take time to sit and think out what God is teaching me... what I need to change, how I have grown lately...
This is where I used to sort those things out... whilst typing and posting.
Now I have a minute here a moment there in between diapers and toys and potty training and refrigerators breaking and AC's going out in vans...
I want to be here here

but again...

Stay with me...
Everyone says this is a season.

But rest easy friends...
I am here.

Just not here here.
Get it?

Monday, July 2, 2012

InstaFriday on a Monday

Because I am a mother of 2 young children...
and my Friday was crazy...
and my weekend was full of family and food...

InstaFriday will be on Monday.
My blog... my choice.

So after my last post, my refrigerator died.
And that my friends, is the intro into a very long, somewhat boring story entitled :
My refrigerator died, I had the worst attitude about it, I had to laugh at the absurdity of life, we had to pay $ we didn't have, and now I live in fear of of the refurbished fridge going ka-put because I am the one who shopped and bought it.
Your excited to hear it right?

So My fridge made horiible sounds for about a day and then everything turned to mush... of course this happened on a Saturday/Sunday.

 Lucky for us, we had this old, small, horribly disgusting fridge in the garage just waiting to be cleaned out and rolled inside to save the day.
The Captain was thankful for a ready-made back up.
I was horrified that this thing was about to come live in my kitchen.
God and I had to have a huge talk about my attitude.
and after some soul searching and some self-spoken, heavily loaded words "Cari your being a brat... be thankful!" I was begrudgingly OK with the disgusting fridge entering my home.

 It was brought inside an hour prior to Rigg's 3rd birthday party... here at my home. 
So this was the view in my kitchen... 2 refrigerators. 
We plugged in the second fridge... and waited... and waited...
and nothing.
2 refigerators in my kitchen, and hour before a birthday party is to be, and they both don't work.
Life is funny...
let's all have a big chuckle...

 So we lived out of a cooler for the next day and a half, in which I called a repair man, had him tell me it was going to be $$$ for a repair, went shopping all around town for scratch and dent and/or refurbished appliance places, and eventually bought a new fridge.
God had mercy on me and my terrible heart attitude. because not only did I not have to put the horrible disgusting fridge in my kitchen... I found this beauty for $325.
It is times like this when I remember how much God gives me that I do not really deserve.
and that's a lot, folks...

 Meanwhile, Rigg's birthday party went off without a hitch... except the 2 nonworking refrigerators in my kitchen... but it turns out family doesn't really care how many refrigerators you have in your kitchen and it was a talking point...
It was a Buzz Lightyear birthday... because little one is slightly obsessed...

 We crammed our family into our tiny house.
amd we laughed.
watched the kids play
and ate alien cupcakes
it was perfect.

 Rigg got his very own Buzz Lightyear doll.
He has slept with it and taken it everywhere since he opened the box.
I think it was a winner.

 The boys have been playing together more and more.
It is fun to watch them become friends.

 I took a little me time this week to paint my pigs... and swing on the porch, while the humidity made my hair into a crazy afro...I was pretty afterwards.

 Today my sister and my 2 beautiful nieces go home today. They have been here 2 weeks. I will miss cuddling this little one.

and that, my friends, is InstaFriday on a Monday.