I slept terribly last night. I cannot get comfy. I am just too big and awkward to sleep. I awoke around 4:45 for yet another bathroom visit and was still awake at 6:15 at witch point I thought to myself, well, if I cannot get comfy facing this direction lets change positions...not of me necessarily but I flipped around in the bed so my feet are usually where my head is...It worked. I slept until 7:20 or so before I had to get up and get ready for church. The captain woke up and stared at my feet for a few seconds before registering that I was upside down. He gave me a very quizzical look and I just shrugged and said...hey whatever works! and struggled out of bed and into a shower.
I got dressed for church, I thought I looked silly, but when only a few things fit, you work with what ya got. The dress I wore is far shorter in the front these days than the back, as if I need another reminder that my torso is expanding in an unflatering direction.
We get to church, I sit and try to get comfortable...I stress try. Then the worship starts. The first song is one of my favorite old hymns, Be Thou My Vision. I start to cry. I used to sing that song to Caden every night before she went to bed. I was crying so hard I couldn't sing. I somehow made it through all of worship and then slipped out to the bathroom. No surprise to those around,a prego lady as big as myself must need to use the facilities. I went to the restroom, wedged myself inside a stall and balled. As I sat there crying my eyes out, I felt like a high school girl who has skipped class to cry in the bathroom. I kept thinking I was really going to have to explain myself to the first poor lady who was lucky enough to enter into my crazy first. To my surprise...no one came in. I washed my hands tried to clean up my face and waited a little while so my eyes were not so red, and then I headed back to service...all too soon. I ran into one of my best friend's dads on the way. I have mentioned before that my friends and I go back many years...I have known this man for about 15 years. He knows me and my family very well...he is like a dad to me. He smiled and in his characteristic sarcastic manner that I love, he said...What are you doing out here? Well there was just no use...I started to cry again. I said "I was crying in the bathroom...I just can't seem to stop." He hugged me. I said " I just miss her so much. The first song we sang today was the song I used to sing to her before bed." he gave me another hug, kissed my head and said " I know, we all miss her too." I said since he lead music today it was all his fault...we both shared a laugh, then I excused myself, for I had to head back into the bathroom to clean up....again. It took a shorter time this time...I walked out, saw him from the corner of my eye, said "No worries, I'm good." and slipped back into church.
The rest of the day was nice, a good long nap and dinner at my parents with my grandparents. I feel so loved sometimes. I am surrounded by people who care about me and accept my crying fits with ease. Even men who are not family...by blood at least. God continues to show me how he comforts, through His word, through others...I am so blessed.
Speaking of blessed...about 17 ladies that I attend church with showered me with love and diapers at a surprise baby shower. I know it is customary to get a shower with your first...but not so with your second. I know my situation is a bit different than most. But I was completely overwhelmed with how much they care. They really love me and my family. They love my baby already...and no one even knows what he is like. I keep racking my brain to figure out how I deserve such love and caring from others...I got nothing. I just continue to be blown away by how Jesus loves through us and others love because of Jesus...the body of Christ at work is a beautiful thing to behold. I am in awe and fascinated every time I am able to witness it. Thank you ladies for a great memory and a wonderful time.
Rigg got some great stuff and tons of diapers...as well as a lovely pair of basketball shorts, just so he can be just like his daddy!
Only a few more days!