Photos of Thanks

Rigg's first Thanksgiving went very well. We had a great time with our families. Which is very easy to do when you have great families, which we do.

I am so very blessed to be able to enjoy my family and be at peace during this time of year. Although Caden was missed, her shining face was seen in almost every room of the houses. Not only is she is placed on mantles and shelves inside beautiful frames, but she is always a thought or memory away...we carry her everywhere.

As my friend Heidi said..."Your whole family will have the greatest feast of thanksgiving when you reach the pearly gates." To which I replied "Amen, sister!" And we will...one day.

Rigg is a pleasant sort of fellow and enjoys most people. But this year he showed us just how much he loves his grandpa's. My dad, who we are calling 'pop', was telling Rigg a story, which Rigg just loved. He laughed in all the right places and just ate up being the center of attention.

The captains dad..papaw, was not to be outdone. He was just as funny with all of his silly faces. Bringing Rigg to giggles and belly laughs to the delight of the room.

Richard, some of you may remember, is the college age gentleman who happens to live in our basement. he was at attendance at both of our family thanksgivings. He did a lot of football watching with the captain and a lot of texting...geez, Richard...

We also played a game of scrabble which my dad, who was coming in dead last, somehow pulled it out in the end. And Richard, who was in the lead...lost. I am still a little giddy over that!

The Grandma's really enjoyed their newest grandson too. My mom, Mam, kept hiding behind Rigg when I was taking pictures. She said she looked terrible I need to give her more warning if I wanted to take her picture. To which I replied in my best sarcastic tone. " Hi, Mom we are coming over for Thanksgiving!"

It was a great holiday...I am very much looking forward to Christmas. When my sister and brother will be there to celebrate with us. YEAH!

Celebrate we will

With Thanksgiving over I find myself just basking in the warmth and glow of my family. I knew this Thanksgiving would be happier then last year, and I was right. Everyone was happy. Last year, even though we had a good time, the sadness of a baby girl gone was evident in everyone’s eyes and face. This year, that sadness was replaced with joy and hope. Rigg was the joy and Caden's absence was the reminder of our hope.

As I was dressing Rigg before his 1st Thanksgiving dinner, we had 2, I leaned down close to his face and I whispered "we made it." He just smiled and cooed at me.
I miss my girl.
I am thankful for my babies.
I rejoice in my son.

Rigg was part of his first prayer circle this year. As we sat around the dinning table at my parents’ house, Rigg sat like a big boy in my mothers’ old high chair (It is a really fun antique metal highchair that is white with a red vinyl seat.), we prayed together.  Rigg's chair was between my fathers and mine. So during the prayer we all held hands; I held Rigg's left hand and my dad held his right. My mom cried. I thanks God for my babies, and that I could share this holiday with my son.

I have pictures, but they will have to wait...I am going to enjoy my family a bit more now.

I am continually thankful that Rigg was here for this Thanksgiving and am looking forward to it being one of his many firsts...

Although we may never celebrate with our whole family, we can celebrate with those that are here...and celebrate we will.

Mother of the Year

Rigg LOVES to sit upright.

He can't really do it yet on his own...but he loves it.
And because I do not have the time to sit and hold him all day (even though it would warm my heart to do so) we have to find alternative ways for the boy to sit.

We have a bumbo seat...a highchair...a doorway jumper...an excersaucer...and Riggs favorite...a couch!

I know, a couch...OHHH...AHHH. Highly coveted, I am sure.

Anyway, he loves to be propped up in the corner and play with his toys...He will sit in the corner of the couch much longer then he will stay in other things, like the bumbo seat, the highchair, the doorway jumper and the excersaucer...you get what I am trying to say...HE LIKES THE COUCH.

So I put him there.
Every morning when I get him up.
He sits in the corner of the couch and plays for a good 30 min.

He was doing just that yesterday morning. Playing and having a good time. I was in the basement doing the laundry...when I heard the thud.

No wait...the THUD.

My heart stopped and dropped to my stomach. I dropped the laundry and ran up the stairs just in time to hear the screams.

Rigg was no longer on the couch, as you may have already surmised...he was on the floor letting me know just how angry he was.
No worries...he is fine. I just learned mounds of pillows are now in order...and I can no longer leave him on the couch unattended...

So when they call and offer me the award for Mother of the Year...I shall gracefully decline.

humiliated by lack of humility

Once again it is Monday and I have been playing catch up. On my laundry, on my housework...on my Bible study.

You would think If I did it last week and hated it, (not the study, the playing catch up) I would not do the same thing this week...but alas, I am weak and lazy...and I did multiple days of my weekly study in one sitting...
Last week during the study the teacher...I will call her "Mama B", because she is kinda like my mom, and her name starts with a B...so it is fitting...made a statement that hit me right in the face and smacked me around a little. I have been thinking about it all week. Through that one sentence, God has peeled away some layers of my heart and shown me who I really am...and how I have been really living.

I have said it before, and I will say it again...IT. WAS. UGLY.PEOPLE.

Mama B said "It is not the size of what you give God, It is the obedience of it."

WOW! really...not the size...but I feel like I have given Him huge things...ginormous, humongous, colossal things...
But was I obedient in it? For this is what matters.
This is what I have been pondering and struggling over that past week. God knows my heart...He knows my level of obedience, He knows when I will bow to His way and His doing. But He has been showing me my heart...and it was/is chalk full of pride.

I have been so proud (in a since) of how I have handled this past year...I have held my circumstances and trials up like a banner for all to see. "See, all you peoples, what God has chosen to do. See how big and hard my life has been...see what I can handle...see and be amazed"
God has called me to many things...humility being one of them. (see Prov.11:12, Phil 2:3, Col 3:12, James 3:13...there are more I am sure...) And I have fallen very short of obedience in that area.
I have had a tough year, and I have leaned heavily on Christ...I could not have gotten through this past year with out my faith in Christ or the knowledge of His word and character to lean on. He has done a great work in my life, in my family...He is doing a great work still...and I must learn to obey...and be humble in my circumstance. It is not about me it is about God...Who He is, what He has done.

I might have suffered a great deal, I might have lived through things others will never have to do, but the size of my circumstance is of no concern.
A young stay at home mom who has problems, that in a human perspective, pale in comparison to mine...but she is obedient to Christ in what she does...far outshines me. Her bowing to spit-up and poopy diapers with a grateful and humble heart all day is Glorifying in ways I can only pretend to understand. While my trials may seem bigger...it is not size or length or number that carry the weight of righteousness...it is my bowing to Him and His decisions, without question...giving my life for His use...and giving Him the glory for it.

not me, Father, not of my own strength or power...only through you have I gotten by, have I carried on, have I pressed on...Help me obey, to be humble...to bring you glory with my life.

God has been showing me my pride, my sinful heart...and it.is.ugly

a failed attempt

I was sitting here trying to write a post about what God has taught me lately...but I kept deleting it. 3 times deleting it...

I came up with a conclusion.

I think God and I need to have a heart to heart before I can share my heart with the inter-web. I have some 'splanin' to do.

So I leave you with these...

Ahh, that face...still worth a post, yes?

News worth smiling about

Rigg was thrilled...truly he was. I mean how could he not be with news like that.

He laughed and smiled all day...so much so he skipped his second nap.

What is the news you ask?

Well, the captain and I found out yesterday that his MRI was completely clear...Cancer Free!!! No more chemo, no more little black rain cloud over our heads, well, at least for now.

Told you it was good news!

and it was wonderful

How does one go about thanking all of the people who have been there for them in tough times...well, really there is no way to thank them enough.

The Captain and I decided to just throw a party. A thank you/ we made it/ chemo is done/ we want to hang out and get together with friends for a happy reason party.

About 50 people were able to show up. It was very informal. A hang out. A let your kids run wild, chat with friends, eat junk kinda get together...it was wonderful.

We had family, friends, friends who are really family, family who are also friends....you get the picture. I had such a wonderful time. Rigg stayed up WAY too late, and we had WAY too much food.

I cannot describe how wonderful it was to get together with friends and loved ones to celebrate God's goodness to us over this past year. These people were there for us when we needed them most. How great to see them, chat with them, and just be.

My friend Mindy set up a "Blessing Book" table. There was a lovely sign that stated if you have been blessed by our lives this past year, or would like to pray a blessing over us to please write down. Lovely paper was provided...I would LOVE to open that up to you as well. If you were at the party and missed the table, or were unable to make it...or are just now reading about it. If you have a blessing to share...please do so. I would love to print them out and put them into my "Blessing Book" so the Captain and I have a tangible way to look back on this past year of blessings and see some of what God has done.

Hopeful

A little over a year.

That is all it has been.

In some ways it feels like a century, in others, days, moments, seconds ago that the craziness began. The craziness that has been our past year.

417

417 days since she died.
396 since I found out God gave us another child.
198 days since the Captain's tumor was discovered.
195 days since the surgery.
146 days Rigg has been here with us.

When I think about all we have been through in such a short span of time, my head spins a little. My thoughts get all jammed together and nothing really produces itself. It is almost like reading a story. A story of someone else’s life.

Did those things really happen?
Did they happen to me?

I am hopeful that we have come out on "the other side". I am hopeful we will press on and just smile and chuckle at "the year of the crazy". I am hopeful.

And yet, a weird, strange part to of me is sad when I think of the future...a future where we will meet people for the first time and they will not know of "the year". They will not know of the struggle, the trials, the heartache, the tears...they will not have heard of the tumor, the chemo, the precious baby girl gone so fast...so soon. They will be oblivious to the year that has shaped us, has molded us, has changed us so profoundly we are not the same. We are different. 417 days different. They will never know...

I am stumped when I think about how do you carry this change, this new, this other with you so others are aware...

The answer...I do not think you do. I think from here on out we will not be seen as the changed ones, the Captain and I, we will be seen for who we have been changed into.

However, I am hopeful that it will not be us that people see.

If I have learned anything at all this past 417 days, I hope they do not see me.

I hope they see Jesus.

Miss, why are you drooling?

I have been to the dentist 3 times in the last 4 weeks.
The first visit was a cleaning. My husband informed me before I went to tell the Dr. that our insurance was changing and if I needed any work done,(Just dental work...I was told by the Captain that our dental insurance, as good as it is, does not cover a tummy tuck, sigh )  to please schedule it before the end of the year.

So because I have been pregnant for the past, you know, 78 years, I had missed a cleaning...or 4. I had 2 cavities as well as chipped filling. And of course they were on total opposite sides of my mouth. SO. After the cleaning, I was promptly scheduled for 2 more consecutive visits to fix the problems.

I went in for the first cavity session last Thursday. It took an hour. The whole bottom right side of my mouth was numb for hours, as well as my tongue. After the numbness wore off my jaw ached for days. All of this making me welcome this Thursday with much anticipation...or grumbling and hesitancy...however you want to put it.

I went in today for the second filling. My upper left back molar. This time they numbed the top upper left lip. This was a little different. I could still feel most of the inside of my mouth, but the outside of my cheek was way numb. That, and my lip didn’t work properly. It made it almost impossible to drink out of a glass, and I am sure I was given very weird looks when I laughed...I kinda looked like I was doing an Elvis impression.

It took 6 hours to fully wear off
me...Elvis...6.hours.

I did take a pic of myself with my phone and sent it to my friend Cristi...because it was stinkin' hilarious!

I am better now. No more Elvis. And I can drink out of a glass.

My smile is back.

My pucker is back.

A joy to the Captain, I am sure!

And no worries...my sass never left!