Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tuesdays of Praise

praise 
1. the act of expressing approval or admiration; commendation; laudation.
2. the offering of grateful homage in words or song, as an act of worship: a hymn of praise to God.
3. the state of being approved or admired: The king lived in praise for many years.
_________________________________________________________________

These past few days I find the tears are just below the surface. One second I am fine, completely unaware that I even have the urge to burst into hot,crazy, uber-emotional hysterics...and just one thought, one word from someone, one memory, one nothing...can send me in a fast "sinking to earth".

Have these past few days been bad ones...nope. Just normal, if not fairly good days...with a side of sorrow and grief. But I think this is a garnish I have on my plate for sometime to come. It may not be the main course, or even a side..but it is there all the same.

I have to check myself sometimes, lest I fall into a downward spiral and my day becomes one of selfishness and a woe-is-me attitude...I do not mind feeling sad at times, or even to sit and just remember my baby girl...but there is a huge difference between remembering, feeling grief, emoting and feeling sorry for myself and my family. When I start down that dangerous road I give myself a mental slap and re-direct. Sometime I have to physically go do something else, go somewhere else, change the radio station or even call a friend just to talk about their lives...not mine.

I was thinking of this phenomenon this morning while I was crying over a comment some sweet lady left for me...and I decided this is what Tuesdays of Praise is all about for me.

God has given me this life...and I can choose to praise Him in my grief and sorrow...or choose to wallow in self pity. I can let Him hold me aloft in times of hardship...or I can sink into the muck of bitterness and anger. I can allow Him to listen to my hurt and know He understands or I can isolate myself from God and others with the thoughts that no one understands.

I praise God today for the provision He has given me in friends, family and Himself to help me through these some 346 times a day where tears are just around the bend. I Praise Him for His ability to understand and comfort me in His way and timing. I praise Him for always reminding me of the right perspective.

Mostly I praise Him today because I know, this pain and sorrow will end. I will someday see my baby girl again, and when that day arrives I will cry no more tears, I will slam no more doors, I will run to no more bathrooms to escape...I will fall on my face in praise and honor of the One who deserves all I can give.

And that day, my friends, will be the sweetest day indeed.

Lord, come quickly.

7 comments:

Elizabeth said...

There Will Be a Day.....(insert mascara streaking down my cheeks, pointless!). I praise God for the time we had with Caden and a brother and sister-in-law who have traveled this road in a righteous way. And I praise God for Cari in keeping Caden's memory alive so that it's ok for me to talk about her and laugh and remember....where else but with Christ can we remember with anticipation? Hope. Come quickly Lord.

Anonymous said...

Cari,

Today my praise is to God for allowing me to be a small part of you and Andy's life in this season and to be a firsthand witness of your ever increasing faith, which does not shy away from tears, sadness, longing, and even questions -- but at the end of the day always comes back to the goodness of God.

As you know, this week we had a question on our BSF lesson about naming someone who we would consider a man/woman of God. I wrote down your name. I also was able to share the answer with my group...that I consider you a woman of God because you are doing exactly what God intended His children to do in times of trial - grow in faith and love in Him. When the world would tell you, you have every excuse to just sit and cry and be mad all day long -- you choose His way -- one of thanksgiving and trusting even when you don't understand. Your faith is actually growing - I can see that -- and I think it's amazing that one of the areas you've focused on to grow in - is prayer and praise. Only a woman of God would choose that path in the midst of such tragedy.

Like I said I'm thankful to God for your friendship, for the blessing of us having babies at the same time, for orchestrating the events of our life to intertwine so I would have a chance to know and love Caden before He took her home, for the firsthand knowledge I have of your faith in the midst of trial, and for the opportunity to share that with others.

He is good to us - I look forward to rejoicing with you one day in heaven when we'll look at each other and agree -- these were "light and momentary troubles" compared with the glory that has been revealed.

Love you,

Mindy

Sallye said...

Sorry I am a day late.

I am praising God that He loves me regardless. Regardless of if I am walking with Him or against Him. Regardless of if I feel loved or not. I am praising Him for being constant, and never changing.

God is gooder then good.

Praying for you,
Sallye

Jill said...

I praise God today because He provides his children with Hope. Because without hope, what else is there? Hope that we will get through our trials, hope that we will see our loved ones again, hope that this too, shall pass. He holds us up when we are too weak to stand on our own. He is the Great Comforter. Thank you, Father, for never letting us give up Hope.

Carlos and Jamie said...

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

Jamie

Anonymous said...

I praise God for you, Cari!

I love what you wrote-

"I can allow Him to listen to my hurt and know He understands or I can isolate myself from God and others with the thoughts that no one understands."

That's exactly what I needed to know today. Thanks for teaching me!

Love you!
Suz

Shauna and Steve's Little Miracle! said...

Cari,

I think you are a fantastic writer, your words just flow. I feel like I am inside your head really understanding what you are thinking. You have incredible strength. You are a true role model. Thank you for sharing all your feelings. You, Andy, Caden and Rigg are in our prayers daily!

Love,
Shauna