Monday, August 3, 2009

starts out sad...but gets lots better

My heart is heavy right now...I think it is because I have immersed myself in a book for the past few days, which is a wonderful, enchanting, terrible love story...and I have transference issues. Therefore after the books last page I sat and wistfully thought of how much I love my husband...and how much I am enamored with my baby boy...and how much I miss my daughter. And then the ache came fully, the grief-pain that grips your heart and makes your fingers go slightly numb....the blurry vision because you can't blink the tears back fast know, that stuff.
So I came into the office to look at email and check on blog friends and stories of others' lives...only to see the screen saver emit picture after picture of my beautiful birth, held by her grandpa, at a friends house staring at her son with awe, on the floor in my living room being crowded by the dog...and it happened all over again.
Today, it seems, I cannot escape, so I will sit and write it out. My son is sleeping curled up on the couch, the laundry needs folded, my room is in desperate need of vacuuming, that cannot possibly be done if all my clothes remain on the floor, I think I am going to fire the maid....
So, it seemed the perfect time to type a long, drawn out post that goes round and round without a point or something solid in which to ground it...I have nothing else to do...naturally, besides look up the maids number and tell her that her services are no longer needed...

I have been pondering the wedding vows as of see my sister is getting married in a couple of weeks and a toast is in my near future. I am a heavily sarcastic person...the kind that makes me endearing to people...not the mean kind...well not all the time anyway...
however, I have a feeling that my sister is not the type to enjoy a toast with that has this type of I have been searching out a different approach. The wedding vow...a promise to your oh-so-soon-to-be-spouse...a commitment. I have been reviewing all those words the captain and I said to each other. Love, honor, cherish...through better, worse, sickness, health, richer, poorer...forever. Heavy stuff, not to be taken lightly, that is for sure...things you have wistful ideas about before they actually happen. I am almost positive all married couples say these things thinking about better, health, richer and love, honor and cherish much more than the worse, sickness and poorer of it all.
I was thinking just yesterday how in my very short and limited marriage experience we have experienced and persevered through them all...well except the richer part...maybe we have something to look forward to, well you know besides each other and the love, honor, cherish bit...

So, in honor of my going-nowhere post...I will toast the Captain...

To the Captain, to many more years of living out the wedding vows...and to getting to the richer is not everything, but I am sure we could have some fun with it!
Here, Here!
Oh, and to firing the lousy maid!


Elizabeth said...

Was it The Time Traveler's Wife?

The Bug said...

I'm firing my maid too! She's a lazy bum who does nothing but read blogs all day :)

My husband & I wrote our own vows (we met in seminary so we thought we knew what we were doing). I'm going to go home & read them again tonight. Like you, we've been through some pretty hard stuff together - but everything that's happened has made us closer instead of tearing us apart. Can't imagine not being married to him - 18 1/2 years later!

Psalm112 said...

Much like y'all have experienced in your marriage, we have experienced the sickness, the poorer, & the worse. However, in our Christmas letter and a post on the blog, we stated that it was in the sickness, that we discovered our health, in the worse, that we found the better, & in the poorer that we discovered how rich we really are. Though we are ready for our health trials to be complete, we have seen God work miracles and bring others to HIM through this journey of lovin' each other that we call marriage! Just as she has chosen this man to spend her life with, may your sister always choose the better, richer, & health; despite what the world uses as a definition for their experiences!

Just Me - The Champion said...

Cari, your posts are great. Thanks for the cool thoughts on playing dress up with G in 80's fashion. She loves dressing up so I think that's a great plan. I can relate to your heavy emotions of love towards your family and new baby boy. I think you are such an awesome Mom and wife, God allows those hard core emotions to come through for those we love most. I sit and look at Josie and I cry... just cry and cry...not because I'm sad, but because I am so in love. I want nothing bad to happen ever to her. I am in awe of you and Captain and think about your pain and grief. I'm mad for you. I'm sad for you. I think about how it must feel.. never really understanding. I am blown away by your faith and your journey with the Lord through it all. I am burdened for you and I'm sad when your sad. I pray for you. Your story has had me in more conversations with the Lord. It's why I am drawn to your blog and your updates. I pray that God just strips the bad away and leaves you and the Captain with goodness. Lots of it. He has a good plan for all of you. May He reveal it to you... bigtime. Thank you for your heart. Your toast to your sister will be awesome. Your heart is awesome. I trust it will be a great fun and amazing wedding. Peace to you today! PS. My maid and I have a love hate relationship. Some days she's awesome... rocking it out. But mostly... not so much. She is not getting a raise that's for sure! :)

Anonymous said...

So profound and so true, unfortunately.
My friends wonder why I read blogs of strangers.
I wondered too.
I've figured it out.
For inspiration.
Sorry, your story is my inspiration.
I pray for you and the Captains tumor to never, ever, return.
God bless you Cari.
God is proud of the way you live your wedding vows.

cristidehoff said...

so what kind of toast will we have at the wedding? i hope it's cinnamon. oohhh - or french!

Krista said...

awwww Cari! I am praying for you today... I love your honesty, and your humility for being a Child, better yet, a Servant of our amazing Lord! Your sacrasim is great. Captain is lucky. As is Rigg & Caden! Honest! And your sister, my my, she is blesesd to have YOU as her sister! I so wish I could sit over coffee or tea or whatever choice of drink you prefer & talk about life with you. To hear your story. To share in your tears. To share in your laughter! To hold tight your precious handsome son! To meet the Captain & see God's amazing healing power from where he was a few months ago. Serious, what an awesome God we serve!!!
Enjoy today!
Much love & many hugs from Seattle,