The other day I was laughing at myself...or really what someone thought of me. I considered it too high a complement. Thinking out loud to a friend that I am much more screwed up and off kilter than people realize. She laughed with me for a minute ,but did not agree completely. She made a good point, and I have been thinking about it a lot since.
I was laughing about someone saying I was a great example and I had good insight. "If they only really knew me." I said aloud. She told me that she knew the real me and I was still able to teach her things. We discussed this a little further in light of Caden and her passing (incidentally, still a phrase I dislike). We spoke of things she thought of or that I had said at one point in time.
The discussion went as follows.
I remembered standing at the edge of her counter one day, listening to the baby monitor. Caden was crying because she was having a hard time getting to sleep for a morning nap. We were discussing how nerve racking it was to have a crying baby at nap time. I remember saying "oh well, she will live to scream another day."
After I recalled this memory we both teared up. She and I sat with tears in our eyes for a few min before I said, Oh well...and moved on. She asked how I didn't think about stuff like that all day long. I replied that if I did, it would be bad day after bad day...I do not think I could live that way, as well as it has no value. What good does it do me, or anyone for that matter to think sad and terrible things all day long.
Then a verse came to mind.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I said I think I was just wired in a way to think positive...
But then she made an excellent point. The point I have been thinking about since our discussion.
She said, I am not giving God enough credit...she might have said it in a nicer, more tactful way,being the nice and wonderful person that she is... but in the end it comes to the same thing. God deserves the credit for transforming my mind from thinking about sinful, unprofitable things, to thinking about pure, righteous things.
I knew Philippians 4:8. God has used it in my life, and I was essentially taking credit for God's work by saying I think this way because that is just who I am.
When I know I am a sinful person...I cannot do good in and of myself.
Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Isaiah 64:6 All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
The only good I can do is if God does it through me...and that includes changing my thought patterns and my thinking.
So in order to give credit where credit is due, I need to give a big thanks. To my friend for loving me enough to point out I was wrong. But mostly to God, for loving me enough to change me, to better me...even though I do not deserve it.
To God alone be the glory.