This afternoon I have been a mess of tears.
I miss her today...like I do everyday.
Today it makes my heart ache, my arms heavy with the loss of her, my eyes red and bloodshot from the copious tears I cannot stop.
I sat on the couch while the babies slept peacefully. I sat and listened to hymns. I sat and let my heart hear the words of others who had been through hurt. Of others who had seen God work miracles in their lives. I sat and cried as I thought of all the wonderful things He has shown me...and how I still want her back.
Great is thy faithfulness. Thou changest not, thy compassion's they fail not...as thou hast been, thou forever will be.
When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say.
It is well with my soul.
I sat in the car the other day. Andy was driving Rigg and I home from somewhere. I do not remember where we were coming from, or what we had been doing...we were listening to the radio and a song was playing...I do not even remember the song...it was talking about Heaven and how this earth is temporary.
And I felt it.
It was wonderful...freeing.
I will never forget the feeling, or the impression it made.
It was so real.
I thought, this world...this ugly, sinful, wreck of a world...it is just a shadow of what is to come...and it is so fleeting.
I was tired, I was hungry, I was sad...and I thought all of that is going to be no more.
And it was real...Heaven was real...
She is there. In Heaven. Where I will be...It was real. This world is passing away...and I felt it.
Today I miss her...but I remember the head knowledge becoming heart knowledge to me the other day...Heaven becoming real and a desire...and though I ache, though I hurt....though I cry and call out for comfort...it is only temporary.
Heaven is coming...Jesus is coming
I am ready.