Since being home from the trip Andy and I have had some great moments, and some pretty downright awful moments. We have discovered that this is what life is going to look like from here on out...sometimes, not a pretty picture, but God is faithful and He will comfort and heal us, of this I am sure. 1 Peter 5:10 says And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you, and make you strong, firm and steadfast. I love this verse, and it is a promise I am praying for myself and Andy.
We were brave enough on Monday to call the coroners office to see what the preliminary autopsy said. By this, I mean Andy was brave enough to call, I was just brave enough to ask what they said when the conversation was over. The lady he talked to said that NOTHING showed up on the preliminary, and that it was highly unusual. She looked like a very healthy baby...nobody knows what happened. So we have to call back every week until the final autopsy report is in...which could be months. In the big picture, it doesn't really matter what Caden died from, we know it was God her chose to take her home, and he has graciously allowed us to glimpse reasons why these past weeks. My prayer is that whatever they find would absolve anyone(especially her Dr.'s) from any guilt of being able to save her.
I have also decided that somebody needs to come up with a line of warning labels for people in awkward circumstances. For example, say someones dog just ran away, but her best friend just bought a new puppy and wanted to send her pictures. The warning label should read. WARNING: contents may contain material that will make you cry, or bitter toward your friend. (because of the loss of your beloved pet) Or something like this. Anyway I decided this after a terrible, wonderful, beautiful present that I just found in my house...yes, just found...Sara, next time, warn a girl, would ya? There is a wonderful lady who works at the hospital where Caden passed away, who having lost a child herself, likes to make molds of the baby's hands and feet for the parents. We had given this blessed woman our permission do do so shortly after Cadens death. Well, I forgot...we go home from the trip and I was looking in Cadens room ( It had been cleaned out by family while we were gone, and found a basket full of beautiful presents in her crib..."OOOH Presents! NO, NO, NO Cari....these are not the good kind of presents...but no one was there to warn me...(hence the NEED for the warning labels) I open up the lovely wrapping to find the most awful, beautiful 3D mold of Cadens hand, with a little bracelet on her wrist that says her name. Under the mold of her hand was imprints of her feet and ink stamps of both her hands and feet. I am glad I have these things...but I am even more glad I can put them away...too sad, too soon. Needless to say I was a hysterical mess for a few minutes until I could wrap it back up and get it as far away from my person as possible.
Anyway, please continue to pray for us. It means so much.