Monday, October 27, 2008

For such a time as this...

Ester 4:14 says "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

This verse was said Sunday during the worship service, about a situation totally different than mine, but the man speaking was using it to ask people about their future. What does God have in store for you?

I thought about this verse. Ester was in a position to be able to save her people, but it could possibly cost her her life...it is a great story. Her uncles comment to her (vs 14) clearly says, how do you not know if God has only given you this position of royalty so you can do a great work for Him?

I was struck by this comment...How do I not know that God has not taken my precious Caden so that I might do a great work for Him.

Not long ago I met once a week with a wonderful older woman and chatted about life. She had much to say and great wisdom to pass along. One thing she repeated to me often was this: Always ask, in every situation, what is God trying to teach me? I have thought about this allot lately. I wonder, what is God trying to teach me?

I have come up with a few things.

  1. I am not as 'in control" as I thought
  2. It is OK to grab at the 1st black purse one sees in Target as you are running for the check-out lane trying not to break down
  3. It is also perfectly OK to cry like a crazy woman in the Target check-out lane
  4. Always carry tissues. LOTS of tissues
  5. He will carry me when I cannot walk
  6. I can trust Him with...everything, even the death of my baby girl

If God can use me, (the crazy crying woman in the Target check-out lane grasping a, thankfully on sale, black purse) than I will let Him. This has been the hardest season of my life. I do not know what tomorrow looks like, let alone next month. One day I am fine, I laugh all day, the next it is hard to get out of bed and tears stain my face for all to see.

BUT GOD

DO you see the wonder in that small statement. I cannot. But God... He can do all, I need not do anything but trust Him. But God has brought me to this place. He wants me here, in this dry and weary desert place. He has taken my hand and is leading me through it. I cannot see the end, I do not know how long we will be here, but I am with Him. I am OK.

He has brought me here, in the sight of all, for such a time as this.

I do not know what God has in store for me in such a time as this, I, like Moses, only ask one thing of Him; Show me Your glory.

6 comments:

Jenny said...

I pray for you everyday!

Heidi Stone said...

I love you, Cari.

The Engler Pirtles said...

Cari,

What a testament to motherhood and grace you are. I stumbled upon your blog via Heather Harbert’s. I attended FTMS in 8th grade—and remember you from there. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious child.

In this season of my life, I contemplate when and whether I have it in me to be a good mother. I read your posts and wonder if I’d ever have the unspeakable strength you show in the written word—much less in the painfully real minutes of each passing day.

Your honesty is arrestingly beautiful. Your realness so human, so relatable. And since you asked to know about the resonating impact of your daughter’s life, I want to tell you this:

Your story is teaching me things I have always known, but have allowed myself to forget in the bustle of my life. The question is not when and whether I have it in me to be a good mother at all. The answer to that question can only be a disappointing no. I am too neurotic. Too much of a perfectionist. Too impatient. BUT GOD will fill in my holes. My inconsistencies. My impossible failures. He will see me through the darkest, most uncertain hours. And thus, your story has given me peace. And a renewed sense of Christ in my life today—and hopefully, someday, when I am given the gift of motherhood.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your thoughts, fears, and saddest moments. I can not tell you how deeply I admire you. You are an incredible woman.

--Sarah Engler Pirtle

Jacie said...

Hi. It's me again. I love reading your blog. Really. It inspires me. I just can't read it before bed, because it makes me think too much.:)

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, that I know God has put you on Earth today for a reason. He gave you your family for a reason. He gave you Caden for a reason, and He had a reason for taking her back so soon. And one of the reasons is because your strong. He knows you have a strong testimony, and can perform many great things for him. He knows you are strong, one of His strongest spirits. That is why we are here now. When I go through a hard time with my insomnia, or homework, or friends, (none of which are anything compared to your struggles), I know He believes in me, and knows I can overcome it. He gives us trials to make us better. He loves you so much, along with your family, and Caden.

I don't really know if any of that made sense or helps in any way, but I just wanted you to know how great you are!

Jacie

Julie said...

I hope at least it was a nice black purse....you are a wonderful writer...you have a gift with words.

The Bledsoes said...

Hey girl. It was so good seeing you for dinner the other night!! I forgot how much I love being around you.:) And I'm serious when I said our home is always open to you and Andy if you need a getaway. :)

Raleigh