what I need

The weather today is gorgeous.

65 and sunny.

But despite the loveliness out of doors... I am having a day.

It has been one of those mornings when you wonder what God was thinking allowing you to parent children. My mommy attitude has been poor. I have been nasty and grumpy to my kids... my precious blessings... and then I have guilt which in turn has put me on the verge of tears all morning. 

It's one of those days where the lies of the evil one are loud in my ears... telling me I could do so much better as a mommy, as a wife, as a home maker, as a friend...

I suppose it has been building.

 I feel like I desperately need a break, physically, emotionally...mentally... and there is none to be had.

Today everything stressful and emotional in my life seems to have hit at once.

The Captain still has not found a job... and he is home... a lot.

My house looks like a toy/clothes/(dog)fur/stuff bomb exploded.

My one year old is teething BIG TIME. There are like 8 teeth coming in!

Rigg is testing and toeing the line.

My kids and I have been sick for 16 days and counting.

and then there is the $$ thing that comes with a husband with no job...

and the I feel fat thing that comes from having 3 babies in 3 years...

and on top of all that...

today I miss Caden so much it hurts.

It's just one of those days when all the crap of life hits you in the face...

and then laughs at how poor you are handling it.

I just need a big, long hug... on a beach... in St. Lucia...from the person who paid for me to be there and is watching my children.... for 9 days.

that's all I need.

that and a candy bar that tastes just like a snickers, but when you eat it you lose a pants size....

that's all I need.

or maybe just some prayer... for my attitude... for my husband.... for my broken heart.

because today

that really is what I need.

a day (or 2) at the museum

We have an excellent children's museum near us.

It is HUGE and colorful and jam-packed full of kid loving goodness.

We recently acquired a membership pass...which allows us to attend whenever we want. SO many useful benefits, especially with littles. We can go early and leave before lunch.. if we don't do everything, who cares? We can go back next week!!!

So we have been making good use of our new pass. I have instagramed our last couple of trips...so the photos were taken by camera phone, on the move, chasing people under 3... if they are a bit sub par, you will understand....

Right now they have a Mr. Potato Head exhibit. Rigg loves "tato head" and it is hard to get him to move on to the other options in the room. Rigg's favorite "tato head" accessories are hats, shoes and mustaches.

Ryder and a col light exhibit...

watching Andy and Rigg drive the bull dozer was hilarious!

There is a play scape with a section for children under 2. All the floors, walls and toys are big and plush... Ryder loved crawling through the tunnel and rolling down the ramps.

All three boys played/ stared at this ball machine for about 10 min. 

 

The museum has a carousel that has been there since I was a kid. It is 90+ years old and was once in one of the parks around town. Rigg wanted to ride the lion and Ryder danced himself silly to the music.

 Stellar kid watching by the Captain...

 

A hall of mirrors...

  

a trip to Egypt...

 

A "life sized" Bumble Bee. Rigg talked about Bumble Bee all day after this.

 

Ryder started getting sleepy... my friend Cristi was lulling him to sleep...



 An awesome dinosaur exhibit. The sky changes color and it simulates a thunder storm...

Which helped put this little guy over the edge...



a bit random

Life has begun to slow down here.

In a good way.

but it makes for boring blog posts...or with my recent track record in mind... no blog posts...

I have come here today to rectify that... the no blog post's part... I cannot promise not boring.

I have a bit on Rigg and Ryder planned for later this week, so you won't see much of them today. But do not fret...they are well.... and crazy and adorable and maddening...as all little boys should be.

Ryder is a handful... but so cute I want to squish him all the time.

Rigg has been over the moon with some Valentines he recieved this year.  He carried this heart around for days... even slept with it a night or two.

In the first week of March I am going on a trip. My first "away-ness" since this trip I took with the Captain after Caden died. I am not going with the Captain this time. I am going on a girls trip. The Captain will have to stay and hang out with the boys for 3 days and 2 nights (poor Captain) While I will relax and shop and sit and eat all of a hot meal in one sitting (yeah me!!)

I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am.

SOOOO EXCITED!!!

But it is not for another 2 weeks... So I need to cool my jets a bit.

In other super fun news...

I got a new-to-me light!!!

It used to be my grandparents. It hung in their home since the 70's or earlier. When I was over helping my mom clean out my Mama's closets, I told Papaw that I loved it.

Next time mom went over, he had it down and ready to move. Now it resides over my club chair in our living room... and I could not be more delighted about it.

Pretty, huh?

swoon

The Captain got me a great Valentines day gift...

no, I am not pregnant...

He bought me new dinning chairs....

3 out of 4 of the old ones were broken. And by broken I mean 1 was completely gone... broke in two ages ago. The other 2 were falling apart fast, and they had nails and sharp bits poking out all over... unsafe for littles, or accident prone persons such as myself.

We found an excellent deal on some that looked good with our table (it is holding up nicely, if you ignore the huge burn mark in the not so exact center where I let a candle burn far too long) and everytime I gaze over at the dining room I get a silly smile on my face...

ahhh...new chairs...

and yes, that is Ryder chewing on a swiffer in the background...

also for my dinning room... months ago, I had a craft day with my friend Lauren... our main job was to add a splash of color to the top of my BLACK armoire, which sits against my DARK BROWN wall. Every time I looked at that corner I said blech, and heard a sad whaa-whaa.

So we made some (large) colorful pears to brighten it up!

How cute are they? And oh-so colorful... my little heart could burst with the joy of it!!

and they help a lot!!! Still this picture looks rather boring... but ther was no good way to crop it...so there ya go...

I also helped my friend Cristi make some more cakes... this time for a bridal shower. Cute polka-dotty goodness.They were tuquoise, pink and red... but my camera phone didn't quite capture the adorableness.

And to end this jaw dropping post with even more earth shattering news...

The Captain and I have been having some epic scramble battles...

upon one of my more thrilling victories, I snapped a screen shot... to memorialize it's greatness.

 Ahh, sweet victory!!!

How very Pinteresting

So... Are y'all on Pinterest? Or are you holding out and assuming this new fangled, crazy fad is fleeting... Like tights as pants... Or dinners out with friends after kids...

Or are those just me?

 Well I am on Pinterest. You should follow me, I pin all the cool things. carichastain. That's me... Go ahead... Follow me, is fun.

I am a huge Pinterest fan. I might not go so far as to say it has changed my life... But I have tried more then one thing I have found there. And I have wasted mucho time searching for things that could change my life... So maybe one day that will pay off...But really, I am a dreamer, and pinning things I love... Even though I cannot afford them, or have anywhere for them... Makes my heart happy.

So, today I thought I would post the things I have done/ tried/ used that I found through Pinterest. And then tell you what I thought of it.

 Fun right? Let's go.

First let's tackle the food I have made. I know I do not talk about food a lot on here. I do not revel in all things cooking... and I DO NOT BAKE...but make no mistake... I LOVE FOOD. Especially when it is EASY. Or when someone else makes it for me. (favorite)

I made this:

Source: food.com via Cari on Pinterest

So delish...and super easy. one quick tip: LINE YOUR PAN WITH FOIL....you can thank me later. I had thislip-lickin' chicken with this as a side dish...

Source: amateurgourmet.com via Cari on Pinterest

I also have made this:

Source: ifyouwantgoodfood.blogspot.com via Cari on Pinterest

very good... I added some steamed broccoli on the side... yum.

and I loved this:

Source: homeiswheretheholmansare.blogspot.com via Cari on Pinterest

oh so easy and good... like want to have it 3 times a week good. I heard through the pinterest vine that some add mushrooms... I would, because it sounds divine... but the Captain and mushrooms are not on friendly terms...

I have made this a couple times...I add shredded chicken and eat it on toast...

Source: authenticsuburbangourmet.blogspot.com via Cari on Pinterest

and I made these this morning...

Source: Uploaded by user via Cari on Pinterest

also I have experimented with my hair...

Source: thebeautydepartment.com via Cari on Pinterest

It turned out nice... But I really didn't like it on me...

and I have done the sock bun.. no pics... but it is AWESOME... just google it...

you might remember I made a similar Christmas Wreath...

theirs:

Source: etsy.com via Cari on Pinterest

mine:

and I made my own date print

theirs:

Source: andreasteed.com via Cari on Pinterest

mine:

and I have made my own version of this card for Andy and my Dad

theirs:

Source: tiffkeetch.blogspot.com via Cari on Pinterest

mine:

this is by no means an exhaustive list... but it is some of the ideas I have pilfered from others and made my own...

so, are you on Pinterest?

What have you pinned?

a post of pics

Hello, again interweb... I have missed you.

I would like to tell you my absence was from something super fun and exciting like a European vacay or a huge windfall of cash and I was shopping my heart out...

But it was neither of these things... my absence was due to life as a mother of littles...

days full of children and short on time.

I am told it is a season.. and I am trying not to wish my days away.

here is what we have been up to the past few weeks...via my camera phone...

popcorn and movie parties with Zankman... our favorite giant zebra.

foam sword fights in Target

learning how to share... this is very hard when you are so little... and when you are not so little...



eating our first Oreo...and loving it... and making a ginormous mess

walking/running everywhere... 

mommy having a moment of sheer genius and telling Rigg the "rocket ship" sucks up stuff... and he can play with it whenever he wants!!!

for my birthday I received some gift cards... and I bought me some boots...that I love so much I dream about them at night... and wish I had bout them in black too....

I know he is mine... and I might be a bit bias... but Ryder is so beautiful (I do not care if you are not supposed to call boys beautiful... I am and he is!)

sometimes...  

Rigg still loves the dog... a lot.  And Bo is learning to maybe, just maybe love on Rigg... for now he settles for toleration...

I love this pic...forget that they were both screaming their heads off thinking the high pitched squealing was super fun and not at all giving me a headache... it produced this moment...which I love.



Andy is still out of a job... it has been 3 months... maybe longer. God has been faithful... and we thank you for your prayers.

Hopefully soon I can post some good news and tell y'all he has a job... until then, just keep praying!

upon Caden's birthday

Every year, when today, January 24th, arrives, I post Caden's video.

and each year, it makes me a little more sad, a little more upset... maybe, upon sinful occasion... a little angry.

Not because of the video itself... but because it is, and always will be the same...

the same video... with the same pictures... feeding off the same memories... summing up the same number of days.

I get upset at the finality of what already is. I get upset by the never being able to add, or make new.

but it never really lasts long, the ache of things unaccomplished.

because I quietly remember Who can add... and I rest Joyfully in the One who promises to make new.

Today,Caden Joelle, my first born, a precious baby girl, would have been 4.

And today, on her birthday, I choose not to be sad and weep because she is gone. Today, I choose to celebrate the anniversary of the day I first became a Mommy. The day I grasped the truth... that I knew nothing of love...but her little life would begin to teach me.

Her life... and her death still teach me.

and although she is absent... she is not gone.

and although I cannot add or make new, God can

and that which He has promised to do... will be accomplished.

Happy Birthday, Caden.

My precious baby girl.

thoughts on Heaven, loss and grief...

Tomorrow my precious baby girl would have been 4.

I cannot wrap my mind around that... 4.

I am not one to sit and day dream about the what-if's and the could-have-been's...

I find it makes me overwhelmingly sad... and in the end, it serves no good purpose.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

She is right where God wants her.

And if I truly believe that... then conversely, I am right where God wants me.

Whether or not it is comfortable, or desirable...

I am right where he wants me.

and most days, I am completely satisfied with that.

It is on the days I question... or I miss her so much I ache, that I become discontent and long for my will, not His. Which, in turn leads down a path of sin-related thoughts and actions,

resulting in... to understate it... a bad day.

It is always amazing to me to look back and be able to see how God has grown me. I know that each day I am following Him, choosing His will and His desires over my own, that He is working and developing me into something better then I could do on my own. But even knowing this... it is awesome to see.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that my Mamaw passed away. It has been heartbreaking to be a spectator of my Papaw's grief.  A few minutes after Mamaw passed, He was sitting in a room all by himself. As I came in, he was just staring off into nothingness... with a look on his face I will never forget... it is the look of a broken heart. I bent down in front of him and told him I wish I could make it better... and that I loved him. He placed his big, warm hand on my face and smiled, as much as he could, and said "you know how it feels..."

and I do

a broken heart hurts

goodbyes are painful

As I was driving home from the hospital, thinking of my lonely, broken Papaw... and that look on his face,

I wondered....

If it hurts this much to lose someone(one someone) we love so dearly....

How much did God's heart break for all of us?

Did he feel this pain magnified by millions?

unimaginable...

and then I became overwhelmingly thankful... that this goodbye was not really goodbye.

and to be quite truthful, this was the very first time I felt that way... really felt like it was temporary... not just spouting the right words to myself... but really knew that this "goodbye" was truly "see you soon."

it was then I realized that God has forever made known to me the truth of the Hope of Heaven...

I was speaking with my Papaw earlier that morning. He was telling me of an interview done with a Vietnam soldier. The reporter asked the soldier if he could have anything what would he ask for, and the soldier replied... tomorrow.

As I though about, I turned to Papaw and I said, you know, that is probably true for most people... if the people they love are here. However, I think the more people we know who are in Heaven... tomorrow may not be our greatest desire... it is probably Heaven.

Luke 12:34

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

As I miss my baby girl, and now as my Papaw longs for his wife of 61 years... I know we are both anxiously awaiting the coming of Christ, now, more then ever before.

Lord, come quickly...

Super Birthday Bash!

I decided to go with super hero...

because he is big and strong...

and capes are fun...

but mostly the big and strong bit...

I made the invites... and then ended up emailing them because I am so disorganized/ behind/ life got crazy...

still... super cute!

As was the birthday boy... Super Ryder was Super Cute...

Not only were the invites and the birthday boy super cute...

but the cake wasn't half bad either...

My friend Cristi makes cakes...and she makes some darn good ones...

She let me help make a mess in her kitchen for this one. She taught me how to make fondant and how to color it...and how to build awesome arm muscles while kneading it...

I might have decorated it with her...but she did all the baking... and it was SUPER tasty!!

And with all this sugar laying about, it was SUPER hard for some of us to keep our fingers to ourselves... and out of the icing... and M&M's... and brownies... and cookies...

poor kid.

as well as an abundance of sugar and calories, we had....

SUPER cute Super hero capes...

The boys were a little unsure what to do at first,

but Ryder took up the Super hero gig happily...

Rigg graciously let his cape be passed around and shared with all the other guests... Maybe it is a role that some are born for (Ryder) and some grow into (Rigg)

Even though Ryder started out happy and delighted with the chaos that is a 1 year olds birthday party...

he quickly became clingy and wanted to be held...

and maybe, taking his hero gig a bit too seriously, he might have thought the cupcake was kryptonite...

After some very over the top faces... we removed the dangerous kryptonite cupcake.

 (which he did pause to nibble from in the midst of his small fit)

at the end of the night, he was back to his pleasant and happy self...

and maybe back to fighting crime...

you never know whith those Super Heros...