Tomorrow my precious baby girl would have been 4.
I cannot wrap my mind around that... 4.
I am not one to sit and day dream about the what-if's and the could-have-been's...
I find it makes me overwhelmingly sad... and in the end, it serves no good purpose.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
She is right where God wants her.
And if I truly believe that... then conversely, I am right where God wants me.
Whether or not it is comfortable, or desirable...
I am right where he wants me.
and most days, I am completely satisfied with that.
It is on the days I question... or I miss her so much I ache, that I become discontent and long for my will, not His. Which, in turn leads down a path of sin-related thoughts and actions,
resulting in... to understate it... a bad day.
It is always amazing to me to look back and be able to see how God has grown me. I know that each day I am following Him, choosing His will and His desires over my own, that He is working and developing me into something better then I could do on my own. But even knowing this... it is awesome to see.
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that my Mamaw passed away. It has been heartbreaking to be a spectator of my Papaw's grief. A few minutes after Mamaw passed, He was sitting in a room all by himself. As I came in, he was just staring off into nothingness... with a look on his face I will never forget... it is the look of a broken heart. I bent down in front of him and told him I wish I could make it better... and that I loved him. He placed his big, warm hand on my face and smiled, as much as he could, and said "you know how it feels..."
and I do
a broken heart hurts
goodbyes are painful
As I was driving home from the hospital, thinking of my lonely, broken Papaw... and that look on his face,
If it hurts this much to lose someone(one someone) we love so dearly....
How much did God's heart break for all of us?
Did he feel this pain magnified by millions?
and then I became overwhelmingly thankful... that this goodbye was not really goodbye.
and to be quite truthful, this was the very first time I felt that way... really felt like it was temporary... not just spouting the right words to myself... but really knew that this "goodbye" was truly "see you soon."
it was then I realized that God has forever made known to me the truth of the Hope of Heaven...
I was speaking with my Papaw earlier that morning. He was telling me of an interview done with a Vietnam soldier. The reporter asked the soldier if he could have anything what would he ask for, and the soldier replied... tomorrow.
As I though about, I turned to Papaw and I said, you know, that is probably true for most people... if the people they love are here. However, I think the more people we know who are in Heaven... tomorrow may not be our greatest desire... it is probably Heaven.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
As I miss my baby girl, and now as my Papaw longs for his wife of 61 years... I know we are both anxiously awaiting the coming of Christ, now, more then ever before.
Lord, come quickly...