Tuesday, January 24, 2012

upon Caden's birthday




Every year, when today, January 24th, arrives, I post Caden's video.

and each year, it makes me a little more sad, a little more upset... maybe, upon sinful occasion... a little angry.

Not because of the video itself... but because it is, and always will be the same...

the same video... with the same pictures... feeding off the same memories... summing up the same number of days.

I get upset at the finality of what already is. I get upset by the never being able to add, or make new.

but it never really lasts long, the ache of things unaccomplished.

because I quietly remember Who can add... and I rest Joyfully in the One who promises to make new.

Today,Caden Joelle, my first born, a precious baby girl, would have been 4.

And today, on her birthday, I choose not to be sad and weep because she is gone. Today, I choose to celebrate the anniversary of the day I first became a Mommy. The day I grasped the truth... that I knew nothing of love...but her little life would begin to teach me.

Her life... and her death still teach me.

and although she is absent... she is not gone.

and although I cannot add or make new, God can

and that which He has promised to do... will be accomplished.

Happy Birthday, Caden.
My precious baby girl.



38 comments:

Lindsey said...

Beautiful, Cari. Praying and choosing to celebrate with you today.

Julie : ) said...

beautiful.

Penny said...

So precious~ she's as pretty as her mommy. Happy Birthday, Caden! Happy "mommy anniversary," Cari. It's a lovely thing to celebrate.

The Buchanan Family said...

Thinking of you today.

The Hardesty's said...

Thinking of you and Andy today.
She was a beautiful baby girl! You two also have two beautiful boys as well! The video broke my heart, I don't see how you do it. Our thoughts and prayers are w you and your family.

Boyka said...

Thinking of you, dear,brave Cari and Andi, and praying...

Rebecca said...

Celebrating your sweet girl in Kentucky tonight! Happy birthday Caden!

Kate said...

Thinking of you and remembering Caden today.

Anonymous said...

Cari,

Your post was wonderful as always -- you always have the words I feel like we should be sharing with you! I love how you reminded us she is absent but she is not gone. Oh how I praise God for that! But my heart just ached in watching the video. I feel her loss today in a fresh way. Praying God continues to strengthen and uphold you and Andy.

Mindy

Anonymous said...

Loved your post and the video. Happy Birthday, Caden.

Anonymous said...
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