upon Caden's birthday

Every year, when today, January 24th, arrives, I post Caden's video.

and each year, it makes me a little more sad, a little more upset... maybe, upon sinful occasion... a little angry.

Not because of the video itself... but because it is, and always will be the same...

the same video... with the same pictures... feeding off the same memories... summing up the same number of days.

I get upset at the finality of what already is. I get upset by the never being able to add, or make new.

but it never really lasts long, the ache of things unaccomplished.

because I quietly remember Who can add... and I rest Joyfully in the One who promises to make new.

Today,Caden Joelle, my first born, a precious baby girl, would have been 4.

And today, on her birthday, I choose not to be sad and weep because she is gone. Today, I choose to celebrate the anniversary of the day I first became a Mommy. The day I grasped the truth... that I knew nothing of love...but her little life would begin to teach me.

Her life... and her death still teach me.

and although she is absent... she is not gone.

and although I cannot add or make new, God can

and that which He has promised to do... will be accomplished.

Happy Birthday, Caden.

My precious baby girl.