what I need

The weather today is gorgeous.

65 and sunny.

But despite the loveliness out of doors... I am having a day.

It has been one of those mornings when you wonder what God was thinking allowing you to parent children. My mommy attitude has been poor. I have been nasty and grumpy to my kids... my precious blessings... and then I have guilt which in turn has put me on the verge of tears all morning. 

It's one of those days where the lies of the evil one are loud in my ears... telling me I could do so much better as a mommy, as a wife, as a home maker, as a friend...

I suppose it has been building.

 I feel like I desperately need a break, physically, emotionally...mentally... and there is none to be had.

Today everything stressful and emotional in my life seems to have hit at once.

The Captain still has not found a job... and he is home... a lot.

My house looks like a toy/clothes/(dog)fur/stuff bomb exploded.

My one year old is teething BIG TIME. There are like 8 teeth coming in!

Rigg is testing and toeing the line.

My kids and I have been sick for 16 days and counting.

and then there is the $$ thing that comes with a husband with no job...

and the I feel fat thing that comes from having 3 babies in 3 years...

and on top of all that...

today I miss Caden so much it hurts.

It's just one of those days when all the crap of life hits you in the face...

and then laughs at how poor you are handling it.

I just need a big, long hug... on a beach... in St. Lucia...from the person who paid for me to be there and is watching my children.... for 9 days.

that's all I need.

that and a candy bar that tastes just like a snickers, but when you eat it you lose a pants size....

that's all I need.

or maybe just some prayer... for my attitude... for my husband.... for my broken heart.

because today

that really is what I need.