Wednesday, February 29, 2012

what I need




The weather today is gorgeous.
65 and sunny.

But despite the loveliness out of doors... I am having a day.

It has been one of those mornings when you wonder what God was thinking allowing you to parent children. My mommy attitude has been poor. I have been nasty and grumpy to my kids... my precious blessings... and then I have guilt which in turn has put me on the verge of tears all morning. 

It's one of those days where the lies of the evil one are loud in my ears... telling me I could do so much better as a mommy, as a wife, as a home maker, as a friend...

I suppose it has been building.
 I feel like I desperately need a break, physically, emotionally...mentally... and there is none to be had.
Today everything stressful and emotional in my life seems to have hit at once.

The Captain still has not found a job... and he is home... a lot.
My house looks like a toy/clothes/(dog)fur/stuff bomb exploded.
My one year old is teething BIG TIME. There are like 8 teeth coming in!
Rigg is testing and toeing the line.
My kids and I have been sick for 16 days and counting.
and then there is the $$ thing that comes with a husband with no job...
and the I feel fat thing that comes from having 3 babies in 3 years...
and on top of all that...
today I miss Caden so much it hurts.

It's just one of those days when all the crap of life hits you in the face...
and then laughs at how poor you are handling it.

I just need a big, long hug... on a beach... in St. Lucia...from the person who paid for me to be there and is watching my children.... for 9 days.

that's all I need.

that and a candy bar that tastes just like a snickers, but when you eat it you lose a pants size....

that's all I need.

or maybe just some prayer... for my attitude... for my husband.... for my broken heart.
because today
that really is what I need.


11 comments:

Emily said...

Cari, I am so sorry that your day stinks. Praying for you right now.

Emily Bastine said...

Hey Cari, just prayed for you. I appreciate your honesty.

The Buchanan Family said...

I'm having one of those days too-sick kids for 10 days, down in the dumps and wishing I was on a beach somewhere to-with a nice long break...Praying for you.

Maryellen said...

Hi Cari I like to follow your blog - your children are precious.
We all have these days. Remember God's mercies are new each morning. Tomorrow will be a better day. Keeping your husband's need for a job in prayer. Blessings

Anonymous said...

I have to say I LOVE your honesty! A lot of moms act like these days don't exist. Praying for you as you're missing your sweet baby girl.

Kristi
(although we've never met, I feel like you are my friend. :) )

kristi said...

Praying today is better. love you.

Kristen said...

I am praying for you! Blessings on you and your family!

Boyka said...

I KNOW THIS IS OF LITTLE COMFORT - BUT YOU KNOW THAT EVERYBODY HAS GOT THEIR LOW MOMENTS... - JUST LIKE YOU. YET PEOPLE LIKE YOU - BRAVE ENOUGH TO SHARE THEM - ARE SO RARE!!!
WE LOVE YOU, CARI, AND PRAY FOR YOU ,ANDI AND YOUR PRECIOUS BOYS!

Sarah said...

I've never experienced this kind of grief. But I imagine it is something you will always live with. The Lord will pull you through it, He is faithful...being sad is okay- you know this. Life hurts deeply sometimes, and some things we will never get over. I don't understand it, and I am sorry. I will pray for you.

Extraordinary Ordinary Life said...

This post is exactly why I like you so much. You are so real and just when I start to cry from reading your post, I laugh from reading your post. I wish I could give you a big hug and I will try to find that person who will pay your way to St. Lucia and make sure they hug you.

Krista said...

i may be a day late on reading this, but girl I'm praying for you! *hugs for WA!