Tomorrow morning we go and see the oncologist.
There we will find out the details... the particulars...
I kinda don't want to go.
In my very child-like thought process I think if I don't go and hear what they have to say... then it will never be real.
I realize how stupid that is.
I still don't want to go.
I have been seconds away from tears all week. I keep trying to live my life normally... but nothing about my life right now fits in to normal.
I'm just hanging in there at times.
And just when I think I am going to be swallowed up ion the fear.. the worry, doubt and pain.
I remember how to focus... I remember what I am supposed to do.
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast on you.
I am supposed to focus on Christ... on who He is, and then I will have peace.
How could I not when I know who He is?
The Holy One
The One who gives rest
How can I worry or fear when I am steadfast on WHO He is?
God understands my weakness.. he knows it is hard and scary and painful. He understands my heart.
He only asks I trust in Him and His plan.
He forgives when I hesitate. When I cry out of weariness and frustration.. out of dread. He is right there waiting to comfort and bring peace... I need only turn and focus on Him.
Please pray for my focus... for the Captain's focus. That it would be Christ.
For tomorrow I am praying for some good news... encouragement and hope from the Dr.
I am praying for a spirit of bravery and boldness.
I am praying that Jesus returns.
I am praying that God not only work a miracle in Andy's health...but in our hearts. That we would learn humility and surrender.
I am praying for a good and detailed plan... for a Dr. that is focused and determined to help and find a cure.
I am praying for peace.
Please pray with us... for us.
Let us all focus on Jesus and watch Him do amazing things.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.