Tuesday, December 4, 2012


Tomorrow morning we go and see the oncologist.

There we will find out the details... the particulars... 

I'm scared.
Terrified, really.

I kinda don't want to go.
In my very child-like thought process I think if I don't go and hear what they have to say... then it will never be real. 

I realize how stupid that is.
I still don't want to go.

I have been seconds away from tears all week. I keep trying to live my life normally... but nothing about my life right now fits in to normal.
I'm just hanging in there at times.

And just when I think I am going to be swallowed up ion the fear.. the worry, doubt and pain.

I remember how to focus... I remember what I am supposed to do.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast on you.
Isaiah 26:3

I am supposed to focus on Christ... on who He is, and then I will have peace.
How could I not when I know who He is?
The Healer
The Comforter
The Holy One
The Provider
The One who gives rest
The Giver

How can I worry or fear when I am steadfast on WHO He is?

God understands my weakness.. he knows it is hard and scary and painful. He understands my heart.
He only asks I trust in Him and His plan.
He forgives when I hesitate. When I cry out of weariness and frustration.. out of dread. He is right there waiting to comfort and bring peace... I need only turn and focus on Him.

Please pray for my focus... for the Captain's focus. That it would be Christ.

For tomorrow I am praying for some good news... encouragement and hope from the Dr.
I am praying for a spirit of bravery and boldness.
I am praying that Jesus returns.
I am praying that God not only work a miracle in Andy's health...but in our hearts. That we would learn humility and surrender.
I am praying for a good and detailed plan... for a Dr. that is focused and determined to help and find a cure.
I am praying for peace.

Please pray with us... for us.
Let us all focus on Jesus and watch Him do amazing things.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.
Ephesians 3:20-12


The Hillebrands said...

It's easy to get caught up in all the fears of this world...but I constantly have to remember 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." Love you.

Jennifer said...

Praying for you guys!!

Anonymous said...

Will be praying for you.

Rita said...

You might like Your Hands on You Tube by JJ Heller. Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Cari, I can't imagine how frightened you must be. I would be scared to death facing this awfulness. Please know that there are many of us out here reading your posts (not necessarily leaving comments, because what the heck do you say!?) and praying for strength for you to handle anything that comes your way. This just isn't fair. You have already handled way too much. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that we are here for you and cry for you and with you.

Angie said...

Cari, I have followed your blog for what seems like forever. I have laughed with you, mourned with you, rejoiced with you, & prayed for you. It is funny how the blog world links us together, yet we've never even met. My heart sank when I first read that the Captain's tumor had returned. I began to pray. Helpless as I am in being able to erase this new journey for you, I am certain of the One who is not helpless. God is still God, & He is who is in control. While the future is full of uncertainties, I will continue to pray for peace to wash over you during the uncertainty you are facing. Praying that your fears will be replaced with a calmness that only He gives.

Verna Lantz said...

And I am praying all that for you as well. Love and hugs and prayers!

Anonymous said...

Cari, sending your family love and prayers.
Kim Siegfried

Anonymous said...

Cari & The Captain,
I lift you both up in prayer tonight. I know this must be so hard for you right now. Trying to be strong, trying not to think about cancer every minute of the day. I pray that God washes your mind, body and soul with peace and hope. I am praying for a gret appointment. Praying the oncologist is loving, patient and teaching. Praying that the treatment plan will be easy on your family and most of all praying for God's will.

Prayers from Texas

Maryellen said...

Praying with you both . . .
I've put the Captain on several of my friends prayer chains.

Julie : ) said...

Love you

Sheila Cochran said...

Andy & Cari,

I have & will continue to pray for your family.
I am so encouraged by your faith in our amazing Lord & Savior Jesus Christ.
My two boys are at Bunker Hill with your precious Mother, in case your wondering who I am & how I heard of your story.

God bless you all!

Sarah said...

We will continue to pray for you. Stay strong & in the word.

Anonymous said...

i stopped by tonight to give you all a hug. sorry i missed you. may God give you peace and may you feel HIS loving arms around you-HIS are a lot better than mine:}my love and prayers always!-aunt di

Anonymous said...

Saw this post from a mutual friend... Brother, you don't know me... and this side of heaven we probably won't meet, but know that I am praying for you and your family. Rest in Him.

Anonymous said...

There are no words...I am in awe of your relentless faith and ability to truly allow Jesus to take the wheel in your life. I am praying for you all and have passed your blog on to others as you both are a true example of how the rest of us should be living our lives...for HIM! God bless you both...I will be thinking of you guys tomorrow for sure!

kristi said...

We are with you in faith, hope and love. Prayers for healing for Andy and strength for the days. Love you guys much.

linda said...

praying, praying, and praying some more! hoping peace fills your heart during your appointment...wishing i could do so much more for you...

Boyka said...

Praying, praying and praying for you both...thinking of you, with our best thoughts, and intentions, and wishes!
Boyka, Alexander, Garik

Christina said...

You know, I've been awakened for the last three nights at about 4:00am for various reasons and then I have trouble falling asleep, so I've been spending that time praying for you and Andy and your family.

You are being covered with prayers on your behalf and I hope they are giving you some comfort during these difficult times.

Anonymous said...

Praying, praying, praying for you guys!

Prayers from Texas

Christina said...

I've followed your blog for a long time. Please know that we are praying for you here. You've been on my thoughts often the last few days. I also have had sleepless nights and I've been praying when I'm lying there that God would deliver you both from this trial.

Anonymous said...

quietly praying for you in my corner of the world.

Have seen your "25%" header many times and I finally heard this spoken in my heart"good thing God is 100%" No matter our story, the beginning, middle or ending, God is 100%.