I am supposed to be cleaning my house. You see, we put our house up for sale and we have a showing tonight. And my house is most definitely not showable in its current state.
Yet, here I sit…
I am feeling sentimental today. Maybe it is lack of sleep, maybe it is hormones…maybe it is the fact that I am cleaning my house in order to help it sell, knowing full well that if it does, we will be leaving the only house Caden ever knew… the only house I have memories of her in.
Maybe it is the knowledge that in 9 days’ time she would have turned 2. I have no doubt that she would have been driving me crazy with requests for cake and squealing with delight at all of the undivided attention she would have received…the one thing the girl loved was attention…and squealing.
Some days the pain of a baby girl gone is debilitating, the memory of her is like salt on an open wound… other days her memory is a sweet reminder of Gods goodness and gifts. Most days anymore I can sit and think of her with a smile or a laugh. But, today… today it has me in tears, wishing I could hold her once more. To snuggle her soft baby cheek and kiss her silken baby hair. To hear her squeal like a tea kettle or chatter to herself as she plays.
In 9 days it will be Caden’s birthday. This year it lands on a Sunday. I am going to sing a song at church. I did last year as well. God has been faithful to the Captain and I. He has carried us through and comforted us in ways I could never have imagined. It is my hope to sing a song once a year around Caden’s birthday in honor of my daughter and in testimony of what God has done in our lives.
Please pray that I can hold it together and sing for Him…and honor her.