Oh, my goodness! It has been so long since I have even touched my computer... I have been busy, and all my free time I try to spend with the Captain...you know, cause I love him and all...
Rigg is now officially up and crawling. He is EVERYWHERE. I went to the bathroom the other day and left him in the living room (when ya gotta go ya gotta go) and when I finished he was all the way in the office. He crossed the living room, the dining room and went down the entire hallway....crazy boy.
I do have a great video to show you. I have titled it unobservant Andy... Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
abundant life
Life has been crazy at the Chastain household lately... Boy, do I have some stories to tell, but for this post, I will share about a short trip.
This past weekend I flew to Dallas for a friends wedding. I had a wonderful time. (hopefully pics to come soon.)
It was my first time in the big D. I was without Captain and without Rigg... a mini mommy vacay. It was SO refreshing. I was privileged to be part of the wedding party and spent my entire weekend with the other girls in "the line-up". I was one of 2 mommies in a 7 bridesmaid party. It was nice to step out of my mommy bubble and spend some time with girls who have a bit more freedom then me...or at least a different schedule and perspective. It was so neat to see what God was doing in their lives as well as learn about each one of them. I love it when you meet people for the first time and it feels like you have known then a lifetime.
The weekend was spent in deep conversation, good food and MUCH laughter.(as well as me and another girl pretending we were in a musical for awhile!) God was glorified in the random errands as well as the ceremony. Prayer was abundant and joy overflowing. I was blessed by being a part of it all.
Mostly joy and laughter flooded my soul this weekend. I am happy beyond belief for my friend and her new husband, her new name, the start of her new future...
there was only one moment of self-focused sadness. During the rehearsal dinner a beautiful slideshow of the couple was shown. Starting with the bride-to-be from an early age and watching her grow through snap shots of her life. As pictures after picture of my beautiful friend filled the screen, my heart sank a little and my eyes started to tear up. Pictures of her swinging, playing with her sisters, cheerleading, dances, trips, with friends and family... all flashed by with the clarity that I would never get the joy of sharing Caden's life in pictures at her graduation, or on her wedding day. I will never have pictures of all my family together, or my children. I'll never see her arms wrapped around friends and loved ones, I will never hear her sweet voice whisper words of love and encouragement. The thoughts and realizations of what I will miss out on and what I must live without weighed heavy on my heart as I watched a Godly woman live out her life in pictures on a screen. I was grieving and jealous for that life for my daughter...and me. I struggled in the corner of the room trying to calm myself and keep control of my emotions as I watched the slideshow roll into the grooms photos. I prayed God would grant me joy for my friend and quickly mend my freshly broken heart. I dabbed at my eyes so my makeup wouldn't run and I could look half way normal. I took deep breathes and my sadness started to ebb. Big hugs and shared tears of a friend helped to apply the final band-aide for the evening. The reminder that although God has chosen this path for me, He does not want me to crumple under the weight of pain and hurt. The night was topped off with belly laughs and more singing... I am happy to say that my life contains much more joy then sorrow and more laughter then tears.
John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
This past weekend I flew to Dallas for a friends wedding. I had a wonderful time. (hopefully pics to come soon.)
It was my first time in the big D. I was without Captain and without Rigg... a mini mommy vacay. It was SO refreshing. I was privileged to be part of the wedding party and spent my entire weekend with the other girls in "the line-up". I was one of 2 mommies in a 7 bridesmaid party. It was nice to step out of my mommy bubble and spend some time with girls who have a bit more freedom then me...or at least a different schedule and perspective. It was so neat to see what God was doing in their lives as well as learn about each one of them. I love it when you meet people for the first time and it feels like you have known then a lifetime.
The weekend was spent in deep conversation, good food and MUCH laughter.(as well as me and another girl pretending we were in a musical for awhile!) God was glorified in the random errands as well as the ceremony. Prayer was abundant and joy overflowing. I was blessed by being a part of it all.
Mostly joy and laughter flooded my soul this weekend. I am happy beyond belief for my friend and her new husband, her new name, the start of her new future...
there was only one moment of self-focused sadness. During the rehearsal dinner a beautiful slideshow of the couple was shown. Starting with the bride-to-be from an early age and watching her grow through snap shots of her life. As pictures after picture of my beautiful friend filled the screen, my heart sank a little and my eyes started to tear up. Pictures of her swinging, playing with her sisters, cheerleading, dances, trips, with friends and family... all flashed by with the clarity that I would never get the joy of sharing Caden's life in pictures at her graduation, or on her wedding day. I will never have pictures of all my family together, or my children. I'll never see her arms wrapped around friends and loved ones, I will never hear her sweet voice whisper words of love and encouragement. The thoughts and realizations of what I will miss out on and what I must live without weighed heavy on my heart as I watched a Godly woman live out her life in pictures on a screen. I was grieving and jealous for that life for my daughter...and me. I struggled in the corner of the room trying to calm myself and keep control of my emotions as I watched the slideshow roll into the grooms photos. I prayed God would grant me joy for my friend and quickly mend my freshly broken heart. I dabbed at my eyes so my makeup wouldn't run and I could look half way normal. I took deep breathes and my sadness started to ebb. Big hugs and shared tears of a friend helped to apply the final band-aide for the evening. The reminder that although God has chosen this path for me, He does not want me to crumple under the weight of pain and hurt. The night was topped off with belly laughs and more singing... I am happy to say that my life contains much more joy then sorrow and more laughter then tears.
John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
runny mascara
I only broke down two times today. I think that is pretty good. The first time was this morning when I was getting ready for church. The Captain wished me a happy Mother's Day, to which I responded thank you, and then he asked me how it felt to be the mother of two...and my response was a very sad, no different then being a mother of one. Because although I have 2 children, I have never had the privilege of caring and raising them together. As I realized how sad that was, I burst into tears...right after I had finished applying my non waterproof mascara. So to help me recover quickly I immediately set to work on making Rigg laugh...a highlight as well as a joy of today...my sons contagious giggle.
The second time was speaking with my pastor at church. He told me he had been looking at Caden's picture that morning and was praising God she was with Him...but sad that we could not be with her today... the hot tears escaped my eyes again... more mascara gone to waste... I was sad she was not here too.
I was able to spent time with my moms today...my own wonderful mother as well as my wedded-inherited and luckier-I-could-not-be-for-it-mother. I was able to give them gifts I had been itching to pass along. It was a secret for so long...
As you may know, I am blessed to be friends with a wonderful photographer...her blog link is on my sidebar. (IndyPhotograhpy) She is not only a great photographer (which she undoubtedly is), but one of the most tender hearted women I know. She has been a prayer warrior for my family and a great comforter to me. I have not only grown to like Heidi, but I have fallen in love with her as a friend. It doesn't hurt that we both share a wicked sense of humor and find not only each other, but ourselves very funny...
Here are a couple shots I love... Hop on over to her site and see more. You can also read her touching words and see her heart for yourself.
And Heidi, I sure hope He has a camera too...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I think my dog might be Italian
Tonight I made a very delicious dinner....I can say it was delicious because it is ALL GONE and it was mostly cheese, and let's face it, anything that is mostly cheese is stinkin' good!
So as I was in the process of making said delicious dinner my jar (really a plastic tube) of Parmesan cheese, the undisputed king of Italian cheeses, stopped sprinkling. Seeing as how I was still a' shakin' the jar (plastic tube) I used my superb deductive reasoning skills to get me to the assumption that the cheese was clogged in the sprinkle holes. So I recapped the jar (plastic tube) and shook with all my might to help the clump of cheese unclump. As I was in the middle of a very believable reenactment from a scene from Cocktail, it was suddenly snowing in my kitchen. The counter, the sink, the floor...all of me, was covered in a fine dusting of the king of cheeses.
At least the clump was sufficiently unclumped.
I wiped down the counter and the sink and swept the cheese on the floor into a nice sized pile. I went ahead and finished sprinkling my delicious dish with cheese and put it in the oven. When I turned around to finish cleaning up after the freak snowstorm, I found a helpful neighbor had already plowed my driveway...so to speak...
So as I was in the process of making said delicious dinner my jar (really a plastic tube) of Parmesan cheese, the undisputed king of Italian cheeses, stopped sprinkling. Seeing as how I was still a' shakin' the jar (plastic tube) I used my superb deductive reasoning skills to get me to the assumption that the cheese was clogged in the sprinkle holes. So I recapped the jar (plastic tube) and shook with all my might to help the clump of cheese unclump. As I was in the middle of a very believable reenactment from a scene from Cocktail, it was suddenly snowing in my kitchen. The counter, the sink, the floor...all of me, was covered in a fine dusting of the king of cheeses.
At least the clump was sufficiently unclumped.
I wiped down the counter and the sink and swept the cheese on the floor into a nice sized pile. I went ahead and finished sprinkling my delicious dish with cheese and put it in the oven. When I turned around to finish cleaning up after the freak snowstorm, I found a helpful neighbor had already plowed my driveway...so to speak...
Bo, our mutt, was sitting, wagging his tail right next to the "snow" pile. By the way he was licking his chops, me thinks he wouldn't say no to a meatball.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Have you ever
Have you ever been clapping
and had to stop
and stare in awe
at your hands?
Oh...really? Never? Nah, me either...
Sunday, April 25, 2010
a love affair
My beautiful boy is in love....
ahhh, I guess the old addage is right, a boy and his sippy are not soon parted...
Alas, it is not me he falls head over heels for. It is his sippy.
He LOVES it!!!
And gulps down so much water he could roll away...if he was a roller...which he is not.
nothing thrills him more then to see his sippy after a meal. Nothing brings out Riggs wrath like taking it way.
ahhh, I guess the old addage is right, a boy and his sippy are not soon parted...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
about my caden
The boys fussed and whined all morning. I think steam started coming out of my ears around lunch time.
I caved... baby einstein won out and they were both thrilled with the outcome. I will admit, it is more entertaining now that they both move to the music.
As the boys enjoyed their video treat I listened to a message by a young mom who lost her baby girl. She is a believer and I was interested in what she had to say. I wanted to see if we were learning the same things, what she could teach me, what God had taught her. As she shared her story so many thoughts and memories came rushing back...
about my loss
about my hurt
about my sorrow
about my Caden
I remembered what it felt like to be a whole family. To watch Andy smile and cuddle his "so pretty" baby girl.
I remembered the time spent in the hospital watching helplessly as Doctors and nurses tried to revive our baby, they were like flash bulb images, they came fast and bright into my vision...I remembered looking at a nurse and saying "this isn't right, this isn't supposed to be happening." I remembered the look on the nurses face.
I remembered the empty feeling of walking back to our car, hand in hand... without her.
I put both boys down for their afternoon naps and heaved a sigh of relief. But after a few minutes of trying to go about my day normally... thoughts of Caden kept running through my mind.
I had a friend ask me recently if I made time for grief. The question caught me off guard. I stumbled around my answer, trying to think on the fly. I came up with..." I do not set aside time in my day for it, I just handle it accordingly as it hits me." Which sounded good at the time, but I have come to realize that I have not made time for it, or even dealt with it in awhile...
With naptime in session...maybe today was a good time...now.
So I walked down the hall to the office. Under the windows sits a white toy box. Inside is all the tangible of Caden I have left on this earth.
The layer of dust on the top of the box started my tears as a guilty feeling swept through me. I am her mother kept playing over and over in my head... dust should not have the opportunity to touch her stuff...
As I opened the lid I saw pictures still in frames from her bedroom. I opened and looked through a scrapbook a precious friend had made me. I barely saw the pages through my tears...how did she get through making this without puddles on her floor and stock in waterproof mascara???
I spread my hands along the quilt made from Caden's clothes. I buried my face in the middle and wept for my sweet little girl. I picked up the bag of her pacifiers and memories long shoved aside came back into focus. I would always match her paci to her outfit...she had about 12. I opened the bag that held the mold of her hand. Beautiful and terrible all at the same time. I ran my fingers across hers and I remembered that I always used to open her hands and kiss her palms.
Her memories are in that box...her past, as well as some of her hoped-for future. Things that will always be hers even though she might never have touched them or knew they existed... in my mind, they are linked to her.
My tears were abundant today. My sorrow fresh. But even as my heart swells with hurt I rest confidently in the promise I will see her again. My temporary pain is bearable because I see a light at the end of this long tunnel...and that light is Heaven, Christ... eternity in paradise with my precious Caden. Sweet hope...
Lord come quickly.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
I caved... baby einstein won out and they were both thrilled with the outcome. I will admit, it is more entertaining now that they both move to the music.
As the boys enjoyed their video treat I listened to a message by a young mom who lost her baby girl. She is a believer and I was interested in what she had to say. I wanted to see if we were learning the same things, what she could teach me, what God had taught her. As she shared her story so many thoughts and memories came rushing back...
about my loss
about my hurt
about my sorrow
about my Caden
I remembered what it felt like to be a whole family. To watch Andy smile and cuddle his "so pretty" baby girl.
I remembered the time spent in the hospital watching helplessly as Doctors and nurses tried to revive our baby, they were like flash bulb images, they came fast and bright into my vision...I remembered looking at a nurse and saying "this isn't right, this isn't supposed to be happening." I remembered the look on the nurses face.
I remembered the empty feeling of walking back to our car, hand in hand... without her.
I put both boys down for their afternoon naps and heaved a sigh of relief. But after a few minutes of trying to go about my day normally... thoughts of Caden kept running through my mind.
I had a friend ask me recently if I made time for grief. The question caught me off guard. I stumbled around my answer, trying to think on the fly. I came up with..." I do not set aside time in my day for it, I just handle it accordingly as it hits me." Which sounded good at the time, but I have come to realize that I have not made time for it, or even dealt with it in awhile...
With naptime in session...maybe today was a good time...now.
So I walked down the hall to the office. Under the windows sits a white toy box. Inside is all the tangible of Caden I have left on this earth.
The layer of dust on the top of the box started my tears as a guilty feeling swept through me. I am her mother kept playing over and over in my head... dust should not have the opportunity to touch her stuff...
As I opened the lid I saw pictures still in frames from her bedroom. I opened and looked through a scrapbook a precious friend had made me. I barely saw the pages through my tears...how did she get through making this without puddles on her floor and stock in waterproof mascara???
I spread my hands along the quilt made from Caden's clothes. I buried my face in the middle and wept for my sweet little girl. I picked up the bag of her pacifiers and memories long shoved aside came back into focus. I would always match her paci to her outfit...she had about 12. I opened the bag that held the mold of her hand. Beautiful and terrible all at the same time. I ran my fingers across hers and I remembered that I always used to open her hands and kiss her palms.
Her memories are in that box...her past, as well as some of her hoped-for future. Things that will always be hers even though she might never have touched them or knew they existed... in my mind, they are linked to her.
My tears were abundant today. My sorrow fresh. But even as my heart swells with hurt I rest confidently in the promise I will see her again. My temporary pain is bearable because I see a light at the end of this long tunnel...and that light is Heaven, Christ... eternity in paradise with my precious Caden. Sweet hope...
Lord come quickly.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
ketchup
Ok, I'll admitt, I have been neglectful. I have chosen walks in the sunshine over blogging. I have chosen trips and dinner with friends over blogging. I have chosen naps and extra long coffee-quiet times over blogging.
But today...today I choose to catch up (ketchup) on my blogging silence.
So.
Last weekend I spent a wonderful weekend with two very good friends. J came down from NY and we drove to see M and her precious kiddos Z and B.
It was great to see and spend time with such good friends...and the mini vacation from being a mama was LOVELY... the captain was a trooper and daddied up for the whole weekend! Father son bonding and what-not.
I learned J was with child! (even though she is so skinny a strong wind could knock her over)
and her little bambino is making her TIRED!
Z is as cute and loquacious as I could have hoped for.
M is the best mommy (such patience) and B is ADORABLE!
I cleaned out my diaper bag and found 7 spoons...
I took the boys on walks
I gave them crazy hair during lunch whilst I applied sunscreen
Andy had his one year check-up with an MRI and EEG ( I am sorry I did not mention it so you could pray...) Everything came back clear... THANK YOU JESUS!
Rigg is getting big (or staying big) at his 9 month check-up he weighed in at 23 pounds and was 32 inches tall... he still has 8 teeth!
But today...today I choose to catch up (ketchup) on my blogging silence.
So.
Last weekend I spent a wonderful weekend with two very good friends. J came down from NY and we drove to see M and her precious kiddos Z and B.
It was great to see and spend time with such good friends...and the mini vacation from being a mama was LOVELY... the captain was a trooper and daddied up for the whole weekend! Father son bonding and what-not.
I learned J was with child! (even though she is so skinny a strong wind could knock her over)
Z is as cute and loquacious as I could have hoped for.
M is the best mommy (such patience) and B is ADORABLE!
I cleaned out my diaper bag and found 7 spoons...
I took the boys on walks
I gave them crazy hair during lunch whilst I applied sunscreen
Rigg is starting to scoot and bounce... crawling might be in the near future....
All the moving wears a little man out
Andy had his one year check-up with an MRI and EEG ( I am sorry I did not mention it so you could pray...) Everything came back clear... THANK YOU JESUS!
Rigg is getting big (or staying big) at his 9 month check-up he weighed in at 23 pounds and was 32 inches tall... he still has 8 teeth!
Ok... all caught up. But I would like to know...did my absence make your heart grow fonder? :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Lady Likestotalkalot
If you know me in person, you know I can be a talker. Ok, to tell the truth, that is putting it mildly. If we are going to be candid...you really can't get me to shut up. Silence is an enemy I will beat to death in no time flat...
Just one of my many winning personality traits, thankyouverymuch.
I have had many a lesson on putting my foot in my mouth. I am also well aquainted with that sinking of your stomach feeling after you realize you talked your self into a mess and just kept going instead of shutting your pie hole.
Now, before you get the wrong impression of me, you need to realize, I do know when to quite talking... it just usually hits me about a minute or so after I should have. My filtering system is a bit slow...but I really a joy to be around. :) (said with sarcasim and wit...)
Last year in my quiet time and bible study I learned A LOT about God and who He is. His power, His sovereignty, His faithfulness, His holiness. It was an awesome year. My life experiences meshed with my study and I could see God, His character and plan play itself out in my everyday. I could go on and on about what He taught me and how He taught me... and I have (see my posting archives if you have doubts on that matter...)
This year I am studying Jesus. Just as awesome. However instead of learing about who God is, I am learing about who I am... and that ain't so awesome. I am a prideful, stubborn, selfish, unfocused, gabby kind of a person. Really, when you look at me that way... whew, I am a mess. However, acceptance is the first step, right? I know God is working because I can see myself and my sins... and I know He forgives. I know He is gently molding me, changing my heart...I know because I am learning how to listen!(the proper way)
Now, I am not that good at it...but I am trying. And when I fail, I notice it like a blazing flare in the night sky...sinking feeling as well as foot in mouth and all....
God is working in me...you can tell because of the silence...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ok, got it out... silence is hard!
Just one of my many winning personality traits, thankyouverymuch.
I have had many a lesson on putting my foot in my mouth. I am also well aquainted with that sinking of your stomach feeling after you realize you talked your self into a mess and just kept going instead of shutting your pie hole.
Now, before you get the wrong impression of me, you need to realize, I do know when to quite talking... it just usually hits me about a minute or so after I should have. My filtering system is a bit slow...but I really a joy to be around. :) (said with sarcasim and wit...)
Last year in my quiet time and bible study I learned A LOT about God and who He is. His power, His sovereignty, His faithfulness, His holiness. It was an awesome year. My life experiences meshed with my study and I could see God, His character and plan play itself out in my everyday. I could go on and on about what He taught me and how He taught me... and I have (see my posting archives if you have doubts on that matter...)
This year I am studying Jesus. Just as awesome. However instead of learing about who God is, I am learing about who I am... and that ain't so awesome. I am a prideful, stubborn, selfish, unfocused, gabby kind of a person. Really, when you look at me that way... whew, I am a mess. However, acceptance is the first step, right? I know God is working because I can see myself and my sins... and I know He forgives. I know He is gently molding me, changing my heart...I know because I am learning how to listen!(the proper way)
Now, I am not that good at it...but I am trying. And when I fail, I notice it like a blazing flare in the night sky...sinking feeling as well as foot in mouth and all....
God is working in me...you can tell because of the silence...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ok, got it out... silence is hard!
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