bad Cari... bad girl.

I have issues.

This past week has exasperated my issues...and exponentially increased my stress.

For some background info, you should note: the Captain has been outta commission for days with his back injury... (he is now starting to be able to do things again, like pick up the children and drive and stand without wincing...) both boys are sick... whinny, clingy, tired. They are a mess really... snotty, teary, pukey... stinky. A really bad cold plus 2 ear infections and teething and we have a nice combo for a wreck of a week.

SO

All this fun has me in a state of mind I am not usually in... I have ended each day not only worn out, but almost angry and in a mood. At first I really struggled to nail down the reason why I was mad... in the end it hit me like a well aimed hammer...

I am selfish.

Sure being pulled in 10 directions at once is stressful...but the anger is present because I didn't get to do what I want when I wanted. Getting up with sick and crying kids, being vomited on in the wee hours of morning... lack of sleep, no down time, feeling like I have no help because my husband is hurt... all good excuses for me being a jerk....

but the reason is, I am just plain selfish.

I just didn't want to deal with it...any of it.  I really, really want a day off (really I want 2 or 3 :) ) Not only the selfishness and the anger... but I complained about it to anyone who would sit still enough to listen...

not my finest hour...

What gets me the most some times is that you would think I would have a better or different perspective after losing Caden. That I should look at my family, my precious children, and be thankful... uber-super thankful, all the time.

I fall very short most days.

BUT

I have a Father who forgives totally, who wipes away tears and takes away burdens... who comforts, cares and listens... who really, really wants me to shine for HIM.

So I ask Him to forgive my selfishness (1 john 1:9) and I praise Him for my blessings...even if they do puke on me @ 4:30 in the morning... and I ask for strength and endurance to get through the next 20 min...

and He is patient enough to let me do it all over again...

and again...

and again...

you get the picture.

Psalm 86:5,15

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

his first tooth

I made a discovery today.

It seems that the copious amount of drool Ryder has been producing lately has been a mere side effect of a much larger circumstance.

My sweet, sweet boy has drooled, gnawed, slobbered and gummed his first tooth into existence.

At first, when I was astonishingly exclaiming my joy at his first big boy accomplishment, Ryder was a tish taken aback.

I have a what growing out of where?

However, seeing his concern, I quickly explained that this was a normal and very healthy step in his development... and that with teeth, he can someday eat yummy things like steak and cookies... or inappropriately defend himself from his older brother...

He seemed to be fine after that.

making memories on memorial day

yesterday was many things.

it was hot.

it was busy.

it was family oriented...

it was brought to a conclusion in the ER...

the event I will now retell with commentary and badly lit and blurry photos from my phone...

The Captain hurt his back early in the morning and after spending much of the day on the floor snuggling with a heating pad and praying the medicine would kick-in... we decided he needed more help then I could give.

(I will spare the details...just picture the Captain not being able to move, get off the floor or really do anything for himself... and grimacing, in what one might call agony, every time he tried.)

So with the help of my dad and grandpa we loaded him in the car and I took him to the ER.

Where we waited...

and waited...

and waited...

and played angry birds....

and waited...

played some more angry birds... (this is the point where I had the realization that when watching the Captain play angry birds I am a back seat bird launcher...)

and waited...

finally saw the doc. He poked and prodded on the Captain's back, checked his reflexes, made him move and walk about a bit (more agonizing grimaces) and decided what he needed was  rest, ice, heat and stronger pain meds.

So after a shot of morphine, a brief period of time after the morphine started to kick in and the Captain got the giggles, and a couple of prescriptions and instructions... we were shown the exit.

The Captain has been in bed since and is still in some drug-induced discomfort... So prayers would be appreciated.

We were chatting on the way home last night about how we saw some people leave the ER in tears. We both wondered what had happened and it brought back memories of when Caden died. Just being in the ER made me squirm a bit. I do not know what brought those people to tears...but my heart went out to them... As they walked out alone, I just sent a prayer of thanks to God for all the family and friends we had at the hospital that evening... how we left without our daughter...but we were not alone. not only did we have Christ... we had a huge group of people there to pray and hug and cry with us... just minutes after saying goodbye to our precious baby girl... I am forever grateful to those who dropped everything to come and be with us and our family... it is a memory seared into by brain and a wonderful example of the love Christ shows us through our Christian Family...

Needless to say, this Memorial Day was definitely a day we will remember... hopefully next year we can skip the ER....

~ 4 months ~

Ryder has achieved more in his 4 months of life then most...

By more, I mean more weight and more length. Chunky Monkey is off the charts again. It was to be expected, he is rapidly outgrowing every outfit I find, as well as giving several nice lady's in the church nursery hernias... just kidding, I hope...

At 4 months Fatty McGee reaches and grasps at toys or Mommy's hair. He happens to have the grip of what I can only assume a professional rock climber strives to attain, making the said grasping of mommy's hair a rather painful experience overall...

This is a boy who LOVES to talk. (a child after my own heart) Ryder will expound freely, if given the chance, about his oh-so-exciting day and all the in's and outs of his busy life. The only thing he seems to enjoy more then the sound of his own voice is what we call face time. Ryder loves him some face time. Just throw all personal space norms to the winds... that's right, he wants you right up in his grill. Of course huge smiles and wild gestures and animated talk must follow... yours, if you want a top-notch reaction.

Ryder is by far the happiest, smiliest baby we have had. Caden was content anywhere and everywhere with any one or any toy, Rigg was chill- all the time- . With Ryder, smiles and giggles are so easy to come by... just get in his face. This also means he can be the grumpiest baby we have had...if he is ready for entertainment and you are busy, say, cooking dinner or kissing his older brother's invisible boo-boos after he has tried to ride the dog like a horse, he will inevitably let you know...loudly and with much gusto.

Ryder (The Bruiser as I have affectionately nicknamed him) is weighing in at 18 pounds 10.5 ounces. This is the reason my neck feels like I have slept on it wrong every night for the past 2 months... He is solidly in 9 months clothes. Being 28 inches long helps to fill out those long footie sleepers. He has more rolls then a Sharpe puppy... and still has some awesome crazy hair.

Almost every night the Captain and I say how much fun Rigg is and how good Ryder is.  It has been wonderful watching Andy fall in love with both of his boys. It has also been super fun to watch Rigg pay more and more attention to Ryder. I can see see glimpses every so often of my future of 2 rambunctious boys, and it puts the biggest smile on my face...it is usually followed by the thought of having almost every item of my home in broken pieces due to 2 rambunctious boys, but I smile none-the-less.

Oh... and "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"....

results

The Captain's MRI results came back totally CLEAR!!!

another praise and blessing...
another year tumor free...
another answered prayer!

Thanks for praying

If

If I was on top of things there would not be so many days between my posts.

If I were on top of things I would have told you that our precious Ryder turned 4 months old over a week ago.

If I were on top of things I would have taken his picture, posted about his weight and length and told you he is the reason for my neck and shoulder pain.

If I were on top of things I would have picked up the camera and taken pictures at least once this week.

If I were on top of things this post would have pictures... see confession above.

If I were on top of things I would have gotten more then 2 showers in the past 5days.

If I were on top of things I would not have 4, maybe 5... OK! 6!, 6 loads of clean laundry to fold and put away. And some to wash...

If I were on top of things I would have been aware of the wipe situation in my own home... I would have realized we were down to like, 3 wipes and bought some at the store the last time I went... that's not so bad, you say... well you try living with Rigg and the Blowout King and see if you don't sweat a little at the thought of no wipes...sheesh!

If I were on top of things my bedroom would be clean, my bed made, my dishes washed, my bathtub scrubbed and my hair done...

But I am not.

On top of things, that is.

I did however, just have a kickin' dance party with Rigg in the kitchen and I played a stellar game of peek-a-boo with Ryder... So I think it all evens out.

*************************************************************

FYI:

The Captain has his annual MRI tomorrow morning.  Prayers would be much appreciated. Y'all know how he hates the "metal tube of doom" being claustrophobic and all...

Also he has not been feelin' all that swell. So we are trying to see about getting meds changed and looking into other causes of his general icky feelings and all around tuckered out-ness...

I will try to post tomorrow about the MRI results.

BFF

We've been friends almost forever. Well, really since1st and 2nd grade. But that is almost forever, right? We have shared almost everything... from clothes, to music, cars, vacations, show choir, secrets, prayers, hugs, tears, moms, beverages... probably gum... maybe a toothbrush or two... hard to say for sure, 23 years is a lot to account for.

Now we are moms... and we get to share our kids, and our lives in a whole new way.

Last week Heather and I packed up our sweet blessings and drove up to see Stacey and her 2 kids. (she moved away from town...booo!)  It was so strange to look around at these girls I have known all my life, these women who have been there for everything that means anything to me... and see our kids...playing together... running, laughing, whinning.

I am so blessed.

Stacey's husband has a farm.

E-I-E-I-O

And on his farm he has some pigs  thousands and thousands of pigs.

And he was kind enough to show our oh-so excited offspring.

Rigg loves animals, so I was sure he would really enjoy the baby pigs...nope. This is as close to the little tykes as he would get.

maybe it has something to do with the fact that they sound like you are ripping them to pieces when you touch them... just sayin'.

All the other kids LOVED it! (well, Ryder didn't really show an interest :) )

We spent the rest of our day playing outside, chatting and munching on some tasty lunch...All too soon it was time to load up and head for home.

We were able to get a pic of all of us and our kids. (Heather's little girl wanted to sit next to Rigg!)

And just for fun... some pictures from a high school scrapbook... Ahh, memories!
You should know, my friend Cristi is also in these pictures...and so is my friend Lauren... who doesn't have a blog.
Lauren ~ you should have a blog... just sayin'

For Mother's Day

I got me some family pics...

which was a real treat

because the 4 of us had not been on the same side of a camera lens together since the debacle that resulted in nothing resembling a well put together family, or otherwise known as the day Ryder was born

...sigh...

but now... oh, now, I have proof that we all exist in the same time and same place...

my boys are beautiful

 

my husband, handsome...

 

I think the pictures are wonderful...they make my heart joyous and make me smile from ear to ear...

 

there's just one thing missing

more pink...

a bushel and a peck

I love you

a bushel and a peck,

a bushel and a peck

and a hug around the neck,

a hug around the neck

and a barrel and a heap,

a barrel and a heap

and I'm talkin' in my sleep

about you,

all about you...

Today

I had a mountain of laundry

with a side of nutella

which I shared...