So day 3 of chemo is going smoothly. The captain says it (the sick, gross feelings) comes in waves and only a few a day...most of the day he feels OK to fine. Every night I say "only 3 more to go" "only 2 more to go" Me thinks he thinks I am NOT a natural born cheerleader, because he just rolls his eyes and swallows the pills. Maybe I should make up a really long and annoying rhyming chant about chemo and brain surgery...that should work...Anyhoo, this (the whole not really too sick thing) is a huge answer to prayer. Thanks for your continued prayers and all...I know it is a major part of this all going well.
A close friend had a baby girl today. So sweet and precious and a wonderful reminder of God's goodness and plan, as well as His hope and joy. I love babies, especially if they are my friends babies. Isn't it funny how you do not know this baby, who they are, who they will be, what they will be like...and yet we love them automatically, just because they belong to the ones we love so much. I know when I had Caden, I was overwhelmed at how many people loved her for no other reason than they loved me and Andy. This feeling was magnified 10 times over at her funeral. Why would so many people show up and stay for a service for an 8 month old who they never met, or did not know very well? Because they loved us so much....an overwhelming and wonderful feeling.
I was a little nervous about visiting the hospital...not because I hate hospitals or anything...this was the exact hospital where I delivered Caden and this is the hospital where she died...which was the last time I was there. So I was anticipating, well....anything. If I cry, I cry, If I get angry, I get angry...but nothing doing. It was a non-issue. I went to see my friends baby, I saw her, rejoiced, and left. It was a good visit. And as I left and drove past the ambulance entrance where I rode with my daughter for the last time...I thought, Thank you God for being there... at a time like this.
This is also the hospital where we will deliver the Riggster in just a little over 2 weeks...2 WEEKS!!! I am sorry, I panicked for a second there...I still have things to do...stuff to buy...bags to pack...I HAVE NESTING TO DO!
But, I am tired...maybe I will do it tomorrow...
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Tuesdays of Praise
Sorry that this post is going out a tish bit later than normal...I have been, umm, napping. And other important things, but mostly napping.
AHEM! To the praise!
_________________________________
It seems to me that there is a difference between praising God and thanking Him. Thanking God is important and we should do it often and with much thought. He has given us blessing upon blessing and deserves to be thanked, however, praise has nothing to do with us...it is all about God. Where thankfulness focuses on what God has done for us, praise focuses on who God is. His character, His power, His holiness, His being what we can never be.
I feel like in today's contemporary Christian culture we unintentionally focus on ourselves way more than we should.(what God has done for us, what God will do for us, how god has changed us...) We are full of thankfulness...which we should be, and can spend many an eloquent prayer time counting our blessings off one by one. But we lack in the time we log in praising God just for being who He is. If not you, I do. This is why I really wanted to do Tuesdays of praise. To find a way to honestly praise God for who He is without it being about me. It speaks in Revelation about the saints and angels and other heavenly creatures praising God over and over and over. And yet, I have a hard time doing it for more than a few minutes at a time.
I was thinking of things we could praise God about. To do it justice, it is best if you know as much about the actual character of God as you can. So one could start praising God by doing a word study on some of His characteristics. Here are just a few things (the list is by far not exhaustive) we could focus our praise of God on.
Holiness
justice
love
mercy
righteousness
grace
omnipotent
omnipresent
omniscient
truth
I feel this is an area I lack in my prayer life, as well as in my daily walk with God. He is not like me, He is Holy and deserves to be treated as such. I am thankful to Him, for more than I can even say in a day. But I need to Praise Him...for He alone is worthy.
What are you praising God for today?
Sidenote: Andy is doing well, He has been at work all day and is feeling "OK" Thanks for all the prayer.
AHEM! To the praise!
_________________________________
Thankful
1 : conscious of benefit received
1 : conscious of benefit received
2 : expressive of thanks
3 : well pleased : glad
Praise
1. the act of expressing approval or admiration; commendation; laudation.
2. the offering of grateful homage in words or song, as an act of worship: a hymn of praise to God. 3. the state of being approved or admired: The king lived in praise for many years.
1. the act of expressing approval or admiration; commendation; laudation.
2. the offering of grateful homage in words or song, as an act of worship: a hymn of praise to God. 3. the state of being approved or admired: The king lived in praise for many years.
____________________________________
It seems to me that there is a difference between praising God and thanking Him. Thanking God is important and we should do it often and with much thought. He has given us blessing upon blessing and deserves to be thanked, however, praise has nothing to do with us...it is all about God. Where thankfulness focuses on what God has done for us, praise focuses on who God is. His character, His power, His holiness, His being what we can never be.
I feel like in today's contemporary Christian culture we unintentionally focus on ourselves way more than we should.(what God has done for us, what God will do for us, how god has changed us...) We are full of thankfulness...which we should be, and can spend many an eloquent prayer time counting our blessings off one by one. But we lack in the time we log in praising God just for being who He is. If not you, I do. This is why I really wanted to do Tuesdays of praise. To find a way to honestly praise God for who He is without it being about me. It speaks in Revelation about the saints and angels and other heavenly creatures praising God over and over and over. And yet, I have a hard time doing it for more than a few minutes at a time.
I was thinking of things we could praise God about. To do it justice, it is best if you know as much about the actual character of God as you can. So one could start praising God by doing a word study on some of His characteristics. Here are just a few things (the list is by far not exhaustive) we could focus our praise of God on.
Holiness
justice
love
mercy
righteousness
grace
omnipotent
omnipresent
omniscient
truth
I feel this is an area I lack in my prayer life, as well as in my daily walk with God. He is not like me, He is Holy and deserves to be treated as such. I am thankful to Him, for more than I can even say in a day. But I need to Praise Him...for He alone is worthy.
What are you praising God for today?
Sidenote: Andy is doing well, He has been at work all day and is feeling "OK" Thanks for all the prayer.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
A Chemo a Day
The Captain starts his 1st round of chemo tomorrow. We still have no idea how it is going to look, for sickness, for work, for me....really any of it. So please pray (or continue to) that his body would tolerate the drug well and this week would not be one that he dreads in the future.
I forgot, in my last post, to mention about the Riggeroni, the Riggster, Big Rigg...whichever you prefer. I had a Dr. apt. just that morning. Everything is looking great. I also had an ultrasound the day before because, well...umm...I AM HUGE! seriously people, I am BIG. I am measuring almost 2 and 1/2 weeks big and I am already less than 1/2 and inch away from my total circumference on my due date with Caden...large and in charge...that is me. So we had the ultrasound to measure the little guy. He is about 6 and 1/2 pounds. Which means he will most likely be around 8 or higher when he arrives. Caden was a whopping 8.9 so we will see who is bigger...I think I win!
I asked my doc about inducing me. I would love to wait it out...but I think it wiser to have a plan. The captain still cannot drive and if I go into labor while he is at work we would both have to find a ride to the hospital. And since he is starting chemo, if I was overdue, this could run into his next round of treatments. She was all for the idea. So next Friday at my next apt she is going to give me a date for Rigg's arrival...I know you are all on pins and needles but you will just have to wait.
I would like to say a little something about me and the way I process/write on this blog. I plan nothing. By that I mean usually I know maybe some of what I would like to say, but most posts take on a world of their own once my fingers hit the keys. I write as I think. My last post I realize was a bit of a downer...but it was all true and how I was feeling right at that moment. I long for Heaven every day. It has just been magnified for me lately. Most days I am a happy smiley, giggly, ginormously large pregnant woman. But I do have my down times. This is simply to say, thank you for all of your prayers, but I really do not want you to worry. I am truthful and honest with you because I feel like I can be a better example of Christs power in my life when I point out that I cannot do it myself. Last Friday...I could not do it myself...thank you for all the prayer for me and my family. I am continuously overwhelmed that complete strangers care enough to pray for "little" old me. This is truly a picture of the body of Christ and what it is supposed to work like.
I will post in a day or so and keep you updated on the Captain and how he is reacting to the Chemo...and let y'all know that date for the birth of Rigg!
I forgot, in my last post, to mention about the Riggeroni, the Riggster, Big Rigg...whichever you prefer. I had a Dr. apt. just that morning. Everything is looking great. I also had an ultrasound the day before because, well...umm...I AM HUGE! seriously people, I am BIG. I am measuring almost 2 and 1/2 weeks big and I am already less than 1/2 and inch away from my total circumference on my due date with Caden...large and in charge...that is me. So we had the ultrasound to measure the little guy. He is about 6 and 1/2 pounds. Which means he will most likely be around 8 or higher when he arrives. Caden was a whopping 8.9 so we will see who is bigger...I think I win!
I asked my doc about inducing me. I would love to wait it out...but I think it wiser to have a plan. The captain still cannot drive and if I go into labor while he is at work we would both have to find a ride to the hospital. And since he is starting chemo, if I was overdue, this could run into his next round of treatments. She was all for the idea. So next Friday at my next apt she is going to give me a date for Rigg's arrival...I know you are all on pins and needles but you will just have to wait.
I would like to say a little something about me and the way I process/write on this blog. I plan nothing. By that I mean usually I know maybe some of what I would like to say, but most posts take on a world of their own once my fingers hit the keys. I write as I think. My last post I realize was a bit of a downer...but it was all true and how I was feeling right at that moment. I long for Heaven every day. It has just been magnified for me lately. Most days I am a happy smiley, giggly, ginormously large pregnant woman. But I do have my down times. This is simply to say, thank you for all of your prayers, but I really do not want you to worry. I am truthful and honest with you because I feel like I can be a better example of Christs power in my life when I point out that I cannot do it myself. Last Friday...I could not do it myself...thank you for all the prayer for me and my family. I am continuously overwhelmed that complete strangers care enough to pray for "little" old me. This is truly a picture of the body of Christ and what it is supposed to work like.
I will post in a day or so and keep you updated on the Captain and how he is reacting to the Chemo...and let y'all know that date for the birth of Rigg!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Longing for home
Blogger tells me this is my 100th post. I was thinking, what should I do for this post to make is extra-100th-y-special?....I came up with nothing. I figure since the only reason I have reached this number so soon is because of my husbands recent, shall we say, happening, it really is not the milestone that some 100th bloggy posts are.
I, and you too, might realize that I post much more often now than I had been before the dreaded tumor...I think this is for multiple reasons...the first is, there has been much to say as of late. The second is I have found it quite therapeutic to put my thoughts and feelings to....ummm...the Internet? Anyway, so this all being the case, I have no special, knock your socks off kinda post for you today....just my random thoughts and the recent happenings of us, the Chastain's, a not so normal, yet just regular folk like you, type of family.
The Captain starts chemo on Monday. It has the potential to make him sick and tired (no pun intended there...) and I ask that you continue to pray for his health as well as his reaction to this new drug. The hope is that if there are any tumor cells remaining, that this will, as they say, do them in. The plan is he will take 5 nights a month for 6 months. He gets another MRI in August...so please be praying for that as well.
It hit me yesterday or the day before, I do not remember which, that my baby girl has been gone longer than when she was here. That is sad to type, but it was even more sad to realize. I cried...I am crying now.
I miss her so much. So much it hurts.
I have been sitting and looking through pictures of her and vacillating between laughter, smiles, pain and tears. It is all rolled up into one big lump of emotion. I have caught the Captain doing the same this week. I hate to see him cry. I want to fix it...but I know how it feels and it cannot be fixed. This is our life, this is our forever. The thought is too terrible to comprehend most days. I was thinking earlier this week, that most problems in life are short, and they pass. You have to "look back" on them, or try to remember exactly what happened...this is not like that.
This has no end.
I long to wake up and hear her cry in the other room. I wish it was all a bad dream and I awake to find her sweet face smiling up at me from her crib. Watch her bang one of her colorful pacifiers on the crib and talk to herself. Just to smell her sweet scent or kiss her soft cheek, or gaze at her beautiful face again...
I want her back.
I was thinking about how her brother will never know her. He will only hear stories or see pictures. Yet, they have both lived in the same room, had the same parents, been washed in the same tub. Just months apart, but still too late.
Because of all of these thoughts I have been, well, longing for heaven...more than just Heaven, I have been longing for God. I want this hurt, this pain to end. Usually when people talk about people who have suffered, I do not think about myself...I think of Job, or the martyrs in China, or people in the Sudan...but I do not usually think of me. This week I feel like I have been wounded. Maybe it is an old wound and the scab was just ripped off this week...either way. I hurt. I long for eternity with the One who can take the pain away. I think, too, why I have been wanting Heaven so much is because I know that is the only place where my babies will be together. I have these thoughts, these notions, of what it will be like when I am there...my babies together, me watching and loving on them. But in all reality, we have no idea what heaven is going to be like. Most likely, I will be too awe struck and enamored with Christ my Savior that I will not have any eyes, or ears for other thoughts. He will be my focus....I am OK with that. Days will be full of happy worship and praise. No more tears, no more pain, no more missing my baby....
Revelation 21:4 says "and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 says "For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
17Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.
18Therefore comfort one another with these words. "
I love these verses, they give me hope and strengthen my faith. I know I will be in Heaven one day, and I know He will wipe my hurt and tears away. I will be there with Caden, and others that I love. These are happy thoughts indeed. I have been reading and rereading these 2 verses over and over this week. God knew what I needed, He had written it long ago knowing I would need it this week. He has refreshed my soul and given me comfort this week, and I know He will continue to do so as long as I walk this earth.
There are a few cliche phrases that people say that will forever hold new meaning for me. The first being "worse things have happened." This is a true statement for me and my family, when I say it, I mean it.
The second is "It's not brain surgery." I love using this one now...I usually get a chuckle ( or nervous glances from people who are unsure whether or not they should laugh)
The third is "Heaven can wait." I will never utter these words. I long for the day when He comes to get me and take me home. I think it has waited long enough. I am ready...are you?
Lord, come quickly.
I, and you too, might realize that I post much more often now than I had been before the dreaded tumor...I think this is for multiple reasons...the first is, there has been much to say as of late. The second is I have found it quite therapeutic to put my thoughts and feelings to....ummm...the Internet? Anyway, so this all being the case, I have no special, knock your socks off kinda post for you today....just my random thoughts and the recent happenings of us, the Chastain's, a not so normal, yet just regular folk like you, type of family.
The Captain starts chemo on Monday. It has the potential to make him sick and tired (no pun intended there...) and I ask that you continue to pray for his health as well as his reaction to this new drug. The hope is that if there are any tumor cells remaining, that this will, as they say, do them in. The plan is he will take 5 nights a month for 6 months. He gets another MRI in August...so please be praying for that as well.
It hit me yesterday or the day before, I do not remember which, that my baby girl has been gone longer than when she was here. That is sad to type, but it was even more sad to realize. I cried...I am crying now.
I miss her so much. So much it hurts.
I have been sitting and looking through pictures of her and vacillating between laughter, smiles, pain and tears. It is all rolled up into one big lump of emotion. I have caught the Captain doing the same this week. I hate to see him cry. I want to fix it...but I know how it feels and it cannot be fixed. This is our life, this is our forever. The thought is too terrible to comprehend most days. I was thinking earlier this week, that most problems in life are short, and they pass. You have to "look back" on them, or try to remember exactly what happened...this is not like that.
This has no end.
I long to wake up and hear her cry in the other room. I wish it was all a bad dream and I awake to find her sweet face smiling up at me from her crib. Watch her bang one of her colorful pacifiers on the crib and talk to herself. Just to smell her sweet scent or kiss her soft cheek, or gaze at her beautiful face again...
I want her back.
I was thinking about how her brother will never know her. He will only hear stories or see pictures. Yet, they have both lived in the same room, had the same parents, been washed in the same tub. Just months apart, but still too late.
Because of all of these thoughts I have been, well, longing for heaven...more than just Heaven, I have been longing for God. I want this hurt, this pain to end. Usually when people talk about people who have suffered, I do not think about myself...I think of Job, or the martyrs in China, or people in the Sudan...but I do not usually think of me. This week I feel like I have been wounded. Maybe it is an old wound and the scab was just ripped off this week...either way. I hurt. I long for eternity with the One who can take the pain away. I think, too, why I have been wanting Heaven so much is because I know that is the only place where my babies will be together. I have these thoughts, these notions, of what it will be like when I am there...my babies together, me watching and loving on them. But in all reality, we have no idea what heaven is going to be like. Most likely, I will be too awe struck and enamored with Christ my Savior that I will not have any eyes, or ears for other thoughts. He will be my focus....I am OK with that. Days will be full of happy worship and praise. No more tears, no more pain, no more missing my baby....
Revelation 21:4 says "and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 says "For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
17Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.
18Therefore comfort one another with these words. "
I love these verses, they give me hope and strengthen my faith. I know I will be in Heaven one day, and I know He will wipe my hurt and tears away. I will be there with Caden, and others that I love. These are happy thoughts indeed. I have been reading and rereading these 2 verses over and over this week. God knew what I needed, He had written it long ago knowing I would need it this week. He has refreshed my soul and given me comfort this week, and I know He will continue to do so as long as I walk this earth.
There are a few cliche phrases that people say that will forever hold new meaning for me. The first being "worse things have happened." This is a true statement for me and my family, when I say it, I mean it.
The second is "It's not brain surgery." I love using this one now...I usually get a chuckle ( or nervous glances from people who are unsure whether or not they should laugh)
The third is "Heaven can wait." I will never utter these words. I long for the day when He comes to get me and take me home. I think it has waited long enough. I am ready...are you?
Lord, come quickly.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tuesdays of Praise
Hi all,
I must confess, I am tired today...and do not feel so hot. I think I am just ginormously pregnant. But, alas, I still have a month to go...exactly!
I have no deep words of incite today, no new and wondrous thoughts. I am just content to be.
And for that I praise God! I mean, seriously, if I can truly sit in my messy home, with all kinds of work to do, see pictures of my baby girl all over the place, trust that the Captain is OK at work and be incredibly uncomfortable in every position I place my over extended body, it is more than a small miracle.
God is to be praised for answering prayer and giving me comfort and peace.
Like I said nothing "life changing" today...just sweet, quiet, thankful praise to the One who can calm my soul and give me peace.
What do you Praise God for today?
I must confess, I am tired today...and do not feel so hot. I think I am just ginormously pregnant. But, alas, I still have a month to go...exactly!
I have no deep words of incite today, no new and wondrous thoughts. I am just content to be.
And for that I praise God! I mean, seriously, if I can truly sit in my messy home, with all kinds of work to do, see pictures of my baby girl all over the place, trust that the Captain is OK at work and be incredibly uncomfortable in every position I place my over extended body, it is more than a small miracle.
God is to be praised for answering prayer and giving me comfort and peace.
Like I said nothing "life changing" today...just sweet, quiet, thankful praise to the One who can calm my soul and give me peace.
What do you Praise God for today?
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Family
Can I just tell ya'll how much I LOVE going to church. I told the Captain this exact same thing as we were crawling into bed last night..."Tomorrow is church! I love going to church!"
The reasons for this statement of fact is many-fold...most reasons I know, but I am sure there are some reasons that even I overlook and take for granted most of the time.
Andy and his family have been going to our church since he was a little boy. I started attending when I was in middle school (the age everybody looks back on with fond memories!) He is slightly older than I...so he was in the super-cool high school class and therefore we did not meet or really know each other until much later.
I met some of my best friends in this church...friends who are still my best friends and I still talk to once or twice a week...if not more. I know I am in a minority to have made friends when I was just a child who are still my closest friends... God knew what I needed. He knew when my life would get, ummm, difficult, I would find comfort with people who have known me since tight-rolled pants...(Hey! don't judge, I am sure you did it too!)
I became a born-again believer in this church, was baptised in this church...and then later re-dedicated my life to Christ in this church. My family has grown and become stronger, more knowledgeable Christians in this church.
I really started to study the bible and who God and Jesus really were/are/will forever be in this church. I have struggled with who I am compared to who He is. I have learned that I will always come up short. I have learned that He is always there to pull me through with His strength when I am ready to give up. I have been challenged, molded, lead and accepted in this church.
I started dating the Captain while attending this church....it is something interesting when you date a man and spend Sunday mornings with him, your parents, his parents and everyone else you know...all staring at you wondering....are they going to make it?
I was married in this church. A great day, magical really. Not because it was the most wonderful ceremony in the history of mankind...but because it was mine. It was also the only wedding I have ever attended where EVERYONE knew one another...I mean all of our friends were mutual and our families all knew each other for years...great stuff.
I was able to go into this church and flutter around one Sunday and tell everyone I was going to have a baby. She was loved and highly anticipated long before she graced us with her presence. I was showered with gifts and hugs, belly rubs and love by all my "mom's" and Caden's "grandma's".
This church is the first place Andy and I went the day after sweet Caden died. I went in and collapsed in front of the cross (that my daddy built years before) and cried out to God in the empty sanctuary.
We held Caden's memorial service in this church. They held us in safe, soft, loving hands as we said goodbye to our baby girl. We went the very next day to Sunday service in this church...and it felt right, even thought mere hours ago we forever gave up our baby to God in the very same room.
We were able to share of God's provision and blessing in the news of our second child in this church. We were met with hugs, high-fives and tears. There was much rejoicing and praise to the One who deserves it all.
When the captain had his seizure and was in the ER. It was our church that filled the ER waiting room. (about 20 or so of them!) And it was our church who visited after we received the news of the tumor later that day.
It was in this church that the night before Andy's surgery we met for prayer...about 70-80 people, all praying for the Captain and his upcoming surgery.
It was this church that came and sat, and waited and stayed while the surgery was underway...it was this church that visited and brought food and encouragement and more prayer to us after the surgery was over.
It was in this church that I sat this morning and raised my voice in Prayer and Praise to God. This morning was a typical morning, I laughed, I cried (there is this cute baby girl who, for some reason reminds me of mine..she does not even look like Caden, but there is something in her face...anyway I started crying when I saw her, so Cristi, naturally hugged me and told me she thought the little girl looked like a hugabunch...remember those from our childhood? So then I laughed and talked about my hugabunch and the hugabunch movie which you can find...NOWHERE!...anyhoo, I digress)
It was in this church, that just this morning, I felt like I was home. Because in all reality...this church, exuding everything I have said above as well as with all of its shortcomings, and flawed people...is my family.
The reasons for this statement of fact is many-fold...most reasons I know, but I am sure there are some reasons that even I overlook and take for granted most of the time.
Andy and his family have been going to our church since he was a little boy. I started attending when I was in middle school (the age everybody looks back on with fond memories!) He is slightly older than I...so he was in the super-cool high school class and therefore we did not meet or really know each other until much later.
I met some of my best friends in this church...friends who are still my best friends and I still talk to once or twice a week...if not more. I know I am in a minority to have made friends when I was just a child who are still my closest friends... God knew what I needed. He knew when my life would get, ummm, difficult, I would find comfort with people who have known me since tight-rolled pants...(Hey! don't judge, I am sure you did it too!)
I became a born-again believer in this church, was baptised in this church...and then later re-dedicated my life to Christ in this church. My family has grown and become stronger, more knowledgeable Christians in this church.
I really started to study the bible and who God and Jesus really were/are/will forever be in this church. I have struggled with who I am compared to who He is. I have learned that I will always come up short. I have learned that He is always there to pull me through with His strength when I am ready to give up. I have been challenged, molded, lead and accepted in this church.
I started dating the Captain while attending this church....it is something interesting when you date a man and spend Sunday mornings with him, your parents, his parents and everyone else you know...all staring at you wondering....are they going to make it?
I was married in this church. A great day, magical really. Not because it was the most wonderful ceremony in the history of mankind...but because it was mine. It was also the only wedding I have ever attended where EVERYONE knew one another...I mean all of our friends were mutual and our families all knew each other for years...great stuff.
I was able to go into this church and flutter around one Sunday and tell everyone I was going to have a baby. She was loved and highly anticipated long before she graced us with her presence. I was showered with gifts and hugs, belly rubs and love by all my "mom's" and Caden's "grandma's".
This church is the first place Andy and I went the day after sweet Caden died. I went in and collapsed in front of the cross (that my daddy built years before) and cried out to God in the empty sanctuary.
We held Caden's memorial service in this church. They held us in safe, soft, loving hands as we said goodbye to our baby girl. We went the very next day to Sunday service in this church...and it felt right, even thought mere hours ago we forever gave up our baby to God in the very same room.
We were able to share of God's provision and blessing in the news of our second child in this church. We were met with hugs, high-fives and tears. There was much rejoicing and praise to the One who deserves it all.
When the captain had his seizure and was in the ER. It was our church that filled the ER waiting room. (about 20 or so of them!) And it was our church who visited after we received the news of the tumor later that day.
It was in this church that the night before Andy's surgery we met for prayer...about 70-80 people, all praying for the Captain and his upcoming surgery.
It was this church that came and sat, and waited and stayed while the surgery was underway...it was this church that visited and brought food and encouragement and more prayer to us after the surgery was over.
It was in this church that I sat this morning and raised my voice in Prayer and Praise to God. This morning was a typical morning, I laughed, I cried (there is this cute baby girl who, for some reason reminds me of mine..she does not even look like Caden, but there is something in her face...anyway I started crying when I saw her, so Cristi, naturally hugged me and told me she thought the little girl looked like a hugabunch...remember those from our childhood? So then I laughed and talked about my hugabunch and the hugabunch movie which you can find...NOWHERE!...anyhoo, I digress)
It was in this church, that just this morning, I felt like I was home. Because in all reality...this church, exuding everything I have said above as well as with all of its shortcomings, and flawed people...is my family.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Coming up Roses
When I look down I see this...
If I bend over...mostly to a 45 degree angle, I see this.
Now who is proud of me because I painted my own tootsies! It was not easy people!
Because I now look like this!
Because of all of these...
My friend Mindy was over yesterday and mentioned to me that I have a lot of fruit and I should point that out to ya'll, least ya'll believe that I only eat junk, so here, for Mindy....
Who incidentally is married to one of the wonderful guys who came over to help us paint the nursery. (in case you were wondering he is the one standing in the background pointing to a spot Nate missed...Mark is a perfectionist.) Thanks Nate and Mark for helping in a small way on something that was so hard for us.
And the title is because of these...my roses are coming in, or up...ain't they beeUtiful?
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
wouldn't ya like to know
Thanks to all who love the nursery...I do too, but it is so much fun to get positive feedback...especially since it is so -unbabyish-
For all those who asked I bought the wall decal off of etsy.com. It is a vinyl wall decal. I painted the white square behind it, so it is just the orange and brown colors. It might be my favorite thing about Rigg's room.
The idea spurred from the stop sign. I knew my dad had it, and I wanted to use it....so how do you put an old faded stop sign in a baby's room...well get a bunch of other old signage and throw it all together...a "car and truck" flavored theme without actually being a theme. You see, I am anti-theme for a nursery...it is just not me.
In other news. The captain and I went to see his oncologist on Monday. The type of tumor Andy has responds well to chemo, so the Dr. recommends Andy take 6 months of it. More of a preemptive strike or an error on the side of caution deal...if there are any tumor cells remaining, this should do them in. At least that is the goal. So I think the captain is leaning toward taking it. We talked about all of the risks and side effects with the Dr. and we feel comfortable we can make a wise decision. Andy wants to think and pray about it til the weekend...but I think he is leaning toward taking the chemo.
So if that is the case, we will have a baby while Andy is undergoing chemo treatments. This is not the kind of intravenous, aggressive chemo most people think of. It is a pill taken at bedtime for 5 days in a row, once a month. He should be able to go to work and do most things he normally would do. He will feel nauseous and tired for a week, then back to normal until his next round. So please pray we make the wise decision.
We see Andy's neurosurgeon this Thursday morning...I guess that would be tomorrow...where are the days going? It is just a check up...we should not be getting any new news in this area. However, I do love the captain's surgeon...So we are excited just to go and see his face again...and so I can thank him for the 7 billionth time in a row for being so wonderful as to not damage or destroy my husbands brain...ahh, blessed man!
Incidentally....have ya'll paid attention to the number of days I have left until Rigg is here? 37!!! 37!!! I silently freaked out yesterday when I noticed the number...then I quickly became depressed for how much smaller that number is than my waistline...Ahhh...to be skinny again, or at least to not cringe when I know I will have to bend over and pick something up...or stand up, or sit down, or have to pee again...really, you name it, it hurts when I do it. To be pain free...one day, one day.
So there you are for the "all you really ever wanted to know but really didn't" about the Chastain's...however, since I did get an, how shall I put it, reprimand, from a friend about not posting news so she would know. I thought it best to keep ya'll updated.
For all those who asked I bought the wall decal off of etsy.com. It is a vinyl wall decal. I painted the white square behind it, so it is just the orange and brown colors. It might be my favorite thing about Rigg's room.
The idea spurred from the stop sign. I knew my dad had it, and I wanted to use it....so how do you put an old faded stop sign in a baby's room...well get a bunch of other old signage and throw it all together...a "car and truck" flavored theme without actually being a theme. You see, I am anti-theme for a nursery...it is just not me.
In other news. The captain and I went to see his oncologist on Monday. The type of tumor Andy has responds well to chemo, so the Dr. recommends Andy take 6 months of it. More of a preemptive strike or an error on the side of caution deal...if there are any tumor cells remaining, this should do them in. At least that is the goal. So I think the captain is leaning toward taking it. We talked about all of the risks and side effects with the Dr. and we feel comfortable we can make a wise decision. Andy wants to think and pray about it til the weekend...but I think he is leaning toward taking the chemo.
So if that is the case, we will have a baby while Andy is undergoing chemo treatments. This is not the kind of intravenous, aggressive chemo most people think of. It is a pill taken at bedtime for 5 days in a row, once a month. He should be able to go to work and do most things he normally would do. He will feel nauseous and tired for a week, then back to normal until his next round. So please pray we make the wise decision.
We see Andy's neurosurgeon this Thursday morning...I guess that would be tomorrow...where are the days going? It is just a check up...we should not be getting any new news in this area. However, I do love the captain's surgeon...So we are excited just to go and see his face again...and so I can thank him for the 7 billionth time in a row for being so wonderful as to not damage or destroy my husbands brain...ahh, blessed man!
Incidentally....have ya'll paid attention to the number of days I have left until Rigg is here? 37!!! 37!!! I silently freaked out yesterday when I noticed the number...then I quickly became depressed for how much smaller that number is than my waistline...Ahhh...to be skinny again, or at least to not cringe when I know I will have to bend over and pick something up...or stand up, or sit down, or have to pee again...really, you name it, it hurts when I do it. To be pain free...one day, one day.
So there you are for the "all you really ever wanted to know but really didn't" about the Chastain's...however, since I did get an, how shall I put it, reprimand, from a friend about not posting news so she would know. I thought it best to keep ya'll updated.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tuesdays of Praise
I was thinking about who Rigg will be. Or, I guess a better way to put it is what he will be like. His personality...his likes and dislikes, his mannerisms...who will he be like...who has God made him to be. What will he grow up to do...this sort of thing.
As I was considering all of the possibilities, from drag racer to opera singer and many in between (like a basketball star that his daddy could be proud of or a great chef so he could cook his mama great food and she could grow old, fat and happy!). I concluded that no matter what he is,or will be. I pray he will be a man of God. He is one lucky little guy...he has a great example in his papa.
I was pondering all of these fun and amusing things when I thought...God already knows...SO COOL. I will not find out for years...and God already knows every word Rigg will say, every thought, every ambition, dream and goal...He knows Rigg more than I ever will. I just love that! God knows me that well too...better than I know myself. (Which is not a far stretch...I keep learning new things about me...you would think, seeing as I live with me and am with me all day...I would know myself better.)
Today I praise God for being all knowing and loving me anyway. I praise Him for the depths of His understanding and how wondrous He is. He continues to show me how much bigger, how much more powerful, how much MORE He is.
Thank you Father, for my son. May he be a man after your heart...a man striving to become more like you everyday. Show him who you are.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.When I awake,I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
As I was considering all of the possibilities, from drag racer to opera singer and many in between (like a basketball star that his daddy could be proud of or a great chef so he could cook his mama great food and she could grow old, fat and happy!). I concluded that no matter what he is,or will be. I pray he will be a man of God. He is one lucky little guy...he has a great example in his papa.
I was pondering all of these fun and amusing things when I thought...God already knows...SO COOL. I will not find out for years...and God already knows every word Rigg will say, every thought, every ambition, dream and goal...He knows Rigg more than I ever will. I just love that! God knows me that well too...better than I know myself. (Which is not a far stretch...I keep learning new things about me...you would think, seeing as I live with me and am with me all day...I would know myself better.)
Today I praise God for being all knowing and loving me anyway. I praise Him for the depths of His understanding and how wondrous He is. He continues to show me how much bigger, how much more powerful, how much MORE He is.
Thank you Father, for my son. May he be a man after your heart...a man striving to become more like you everyday. Show him who you are.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.When I awake,I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
a small glimpse
So We have been hard at work on Rigg's room. It is NOT DONE. So the pictures in this post are only a small glimpse of the final project. There is still TONS of trash, odds and ends, and other miscellaneous objects floating around in there. So please...keep that in mind as you see what we have been up to.
Here is me...doing just about the same thing.
A super fun rug we found for the room.
A fabulous wall decal with our sons name displayed.
Now here is the decal with the license plates surrounding it.
More signage above the changing table.
Here is the Captain helping paint the first stripe.
Here is me...doing just about the same thing. Here is my dad...showing off the wonderful job he did of hanging the signs above Rigg's crib.
The crib in place with all the UNWASHED bedding...I just had to see what it would look like!
A super fun rug we found for the room.
A fabulous wall decal with our sons name displayed.
Now here is the decal with the license plates surrounding it.
More signage above the changing table.
The sign in the corner used to be on a power plant wall about a million years ago.
Dad took it for himself because he thought it was so funny...I love it too.
Well, that is what we have done for now...hope you liked it. I will post more pictures later when other things are accomplished. We have a small table going under the window and other fun objects going into the room...but we will have to be patient...very large pregnant women can only do so much at one time.
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