Friday, February 6, 2015

Sovereign



After Caden died, I had this nagging fear that she would be forgotten... that no one would remember she lived... that no one would remember I was once the mommy of a sweet baby girl. I doubted God would provide what I wanted... I feared so many things because I was uncertain what my future held... I was uncertain that I could be truly joyful again... I feared... I was afraid. Grief does that... It magnifies things like fear and doubt.
I remember wanting to scream at people who would smile at my belly (when I was pregnant with Rigg). I wanted to shout that I had already had a child... I was not a first time mother... I had a baby. I didn't do that. It would have been rude to scream in strangers' faces... and more to the heart of the matter, although I wanted them to know, I didn't want to see the look on their face when I told them. So I kept quiet.
 
As it turns out. I have people who love me very much, and people who love you very much tend to remember when hard and life-changing events happen to you.
God proved Himself faithful to calm my heart and fill me with peace regarding so many things with Caden's death.  
 
 
After Caden, I remember God showing me such wonderful things about Himself. He taught me that I could trust Him with the hardest things... He did this by providing for all my needs, big and small. By showing up in the strangest of places and reminding me He was with me. God proved His faithfulness to me and to every promise He declared in scripture. I found them all to be undeniably true.
Since then, I have rejoiced in the knowledge of things already learned... I have tried to remember the truths of His faithfulness...His graciousness to me. I strive to preach the things I know to myself so that I not only remember... but so that I can lean into them when I am weak.
God has allowed me to have a firm grasp on what He taught me through my grief with Caden, and because of that, this trial, this road I have walked alongside Andy... and after Andy, this road is not the same kind of hard. I do not doubt the things I did before, I do not fear as I did after Caden.
God proved Himself in my hardest time. I am blessed to remember so well the things He did. And because of that I trust in His word and faithfulness to me.
 
 
This time what I see God magnifying in my life is His sovereignty; His power and authority over my life. I am seeing how my big, mighty, gracious, loving and holy God not only has a right to cause or allow any and all things that happen to me... but He knew, He planned, He designed, He orchestrated it all... His hand has and will direct each moment... His fingerprints grace each breath... He has gone before and He goes behind.
My Savior is actively sovereign in my days.
 
{ From my Instagram ~ When Caden died, the couple at the grave marker place were so incredibly kind to the Captain and me. They too, had lost a young daughter years before and their empathy and encouragement was something Andy and I always remembered. I went back today to order a headstone for Andy...and the same sweet woman who hugged me and talked boldly about how good God is, lost her husband last year too. She and I have been brought together for brief meetings but have walked parallel paths. She speaks, with tears in her eyes, of a God who loves her greatly and has a divine purpose for her life. These moments, past and present, that I've shared with her are times I know God has given to me as a gift. To prove tangibly He is caring for me, He is guiding me... and He loves me greatly and has a divine purpose for my pain. It's in these moments... that are supposed to be hard and gut wrenching... my God shows up and shines... and I am restored with Hope and much Joy.}
 
I see God's provision, not to merely sustain me and keep me afloat, but to teach me more about Him... to guide me to live according to His wishes, not my own. He is gently leading me as a shepherd does his sheep.
 
I have witnessed so many little snippets of grace these past weeks. God shining in the details. Proving that He has this...that He knows not only what is happening to me, but He knows the plan... the why, the how, and the end.
Since the Captain has passed into glory, I have not seen the same facets of God that I did after Caden... I still do see those... But this time... this time God is magnifying a different attribute of Himself to me. I am learning not only to trust God because He is faithful... But to trust His faithfulness because He is sovereign.
He is taking me deeper.
 
Do not misunderstand me. I still struggle...I still cry. I still have days where I want to scream and pull out my hair. I live days where I cannot wait for bedtime.
But God is in those days too.
 
 
I was playing a game with the boys the other night. The overwhelming desire to see and talk with Andy swept over me... and I missed him so greatly in that moment. I started to cry. Rigg asked me why I was crying. I told him I missed daddy... and sometimes missing someone comes out as tears. Both boys expressed how they to miss their daddy. Then we hugged and spoke of Heaven and what daddy might be doing. Which quickly turned into what they want to do when they get to Heaven...


which proved they have excellent imaginations.
 
 
Lately, when singing during worship at church, I cry. I just cannot get the picture of Andy worshipping in the presence of Christ out of my mind. When I sing to God about His holiness, His faithfulness... His glory and majesty and might... I an overwhelmed with the knowledge that what I am longing for... what I an eagerly anticipating; Heaven and glory and being with my Savior... the Captain is living now. I cry because it is an awesome thought... and I am so grateful.

I am just seeing the beginning of understanding, I am in the warm-up... but I do know that God has it all. He provided for me in every chapter of my life. He provided Andy for me, that is what He had for me then... and I know He has provided for me not only now... but each and everyday that follows this one. He is already there, already designing my moments... He is guiding and leading each breath until I can join Caden... until I see the Captain... Until I too, can sing and praise and worship Christ in Glory. 
 
 
 God is sovereign.
 


18 comments:

Laurie and company said...

Beautiful post. Continuing to pray for you and your sons.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post cari, brought me to tears, your children are so blessed to have you as their mother. May God bless you!

Anonymous said...

God is sovereign. A good lesson for me and many other people to grasp.

Penny said...

Your story is heartbreaking, but also is a beautiful story of love and redemption and faith. God bless you, Cari and those beautiful boys. No one will forget your Caden and Captain. You've told their stories well and because of you, their memory is alive and well, even to strangers.

Unknown said...

GOD BLESS THE DAY I CAN BE-LIVE THIS WHAT DR.OGUMEN HAVE DO FOR MY LIFE

Hello my name is GLORY FRED from USA, My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solaed our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr OGUMEN i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again at (ogumensolutioncenter@yahoo.com ). in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is (ogumensolutioncenter@yahoo.com ).

Anonymous said...

How to get your ex husband back
My name is Jessica Ruiz from Florida I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr Shiva at hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com . I email Dr Shiva the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr Shiva hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too
Or Check Out His Web site at http://hinduspelltemple.wix.com/hinduspelltemple

Unknown said...

My name is TESSY JERRY FROM USA, I head that my husband was having an affair with one of my closest friend and I was very upset and worried so a friend of my advice me and told me if I still love my ex and if I really want to have him back so I told her yes, and she ask me to contact Dr. ADAGBA the spell caster and I did although I never believe on spell so he gave me something when he was casting the spell and ask me to say my wishes on it and after the casting of the spell a receive a phone call from my ex and was ask me at which I did and now we are back together again I’m so happy and I wish not to ever have this mistake again in my life. I will also advice anyone with this kind of issue to contact him for help he is really nice on phone and always there to answer you question giving you the good advice that you need. his email is adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of DR OTIS DARKO that helped me recently to bring back my wife that left me for another man for no reason for the past 3 years. After seeing a post of a woman on the internet testifying of how she was helped by DR OTIS DARKO. I also decided to contact him for help because all i wanted was for me to get my wife, happiness and to make sure that my child grows up with his mother. Am happy today that he helped me and i can proudly say that my wife is now with me again and she is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of DR OTIS DARKO should contact him now on his E-mail: otisdarko60@yahoo.com...YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

Anonymous said...

COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON TO ALL AND MAY THIS SEASON BRING JOY AND HAPPINESS UPON YOUR FAMILY AND ALSO BRINGS ABOUT FAMILY REUNION AND RESTORATION IN THIS NEW YEAR 2016......

My Name is Alan Pratte, From USA. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr OTIS DARKO has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex WIFE to me with his great spell, I was married to this woman called Sharon we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to make her pregnant for me and also give her al she needs she left me and told me she can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get her back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email: otisdarko60@yahoo.com then you won't believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost WIFE back, and after a month she became pregnant for me because he gave me some herbs to take also and when she went for a test and the result stated that she was pregnant am happy today am a FATHER of a baby girl, thank you once again the great DR OTIS DARKO for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child/PREGNANCY SPELL.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.
(10)Stop Divorce
(11) CURE TO ALL KIND OF SICKNESS/DISEASES HERE
(12) Winning of lottery
(13) Cure To Hiv/Aids
(14) LOTTERY/LOTTO SPELL WINNING
(15) CURE TO HERPES AND ANY OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES AT ALL...
(16) HAVE YOU BEEN SCAMMED BEFORE AND NEEDS TO RECOVER ALL THE DOLLARS/MONEY YOU LOST TO THESE FRAUDSTER ???.. CONTACT OTIS DARKO AS HE HELPED MY FRIEND CALLED LEONARD CAPTAIN FROM USA TO RECOVER BACK THE SUM OF $300,000.00 DOLLARS HE LOST TO SCAMMERS ONLINE

Email... otisdarko60@yahoo.com...... YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

Unknown said...



I can’t thank you enough Email: adagbaspiritualtemple@gmail.com for all that you have done for me. About a year ago I my partner had a misunderstanding that lead to break up, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that she would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your site and what you had to offer. I requested 3 to 4 day casting of the reunite us love spell and within 4days Denny company had relocated her back to our hometown where I still lived. We immediately reconnected and move in with each other i am so happy that i found you and i was all patient to following your order thank you Dr ADAGBA . If you are in need of help i will advice you to contact him too on his whatsapp number: +2348037780443

ODUCKAYAMUD said...

I have always wanted to be able to not live paycheck to paycheck or have any debt. I worked in accounting for about 20 years and was barely able to make ends meet. It

seemed like any time I moved up in the company and received a RISE/PROMOTION, my living expenses would go up significantly and I was never able to get ahead... Then

one day my best friend told me the truth about what he did when his wife left him. He had a love spell cast on her and she stopped the divorce proceedings and they got

back together. When he told me this I asked who he used and he gave me the email address which is: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN

USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM and I immediately contacted him for help. I saw that they offered different kinds of money spells to help win the lottery. I was

immediately intrigued. I have always felt like I was going to win the lottery someday. I had the jackpot lottery spell cast and awaited my win. I was told to play the

lottery each week and I did what I was told. I played the lottery each week anyways, so it did not change anything. Within about two weeks it happened. I won

$1000,000.00!! I could not believe it! It was more than enough money to retire right away, but I invested it well and it has allowed me to go down to part time work

and will help me retire much earlier. I am eternally grateful for finding their email address: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE

ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM .... DR ODUCK AYAMUD IS VERY POWERFUL AND RELIABLE CONTACT HIM NOW: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN

USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM.....YOU CAN ALSO CALL / ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579

ODUCKAYAMUD said...









ATTENTION TO THE WHOLE WORLD:

Hello and blessed are you who found me. My name is DR ODUCK AYAMUD ( oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT

HIM ), and am here to help you change and transform your life in the most positive way possible. I use the power of white, black craft and Wicca and voodoo spell

casting to help people just like you they get the love they want and the money they deserve.


My love spell offer amazing and quick results. Do you want to find your soulmate? Do you want to reunite with a past lover and make him or her love you again? Do you

need to bind a troublemaker from causing problems in your relationship? With my spell casting service, I can cast a love spell on your behalf that will help all of

your wishes and dreams come true. I also do other custom spells, such as money spells, job spells, friendship spells, and good luck spells.


You may have already tried the power of spells and prayers to get what you want. Although it is true that everyone has the ability to cast spells and perform magic,

spell casting is like a muscle. Everyone has this 'muscle' but the more you use it, the stronger it gets, and the more things you are able to do with it. If you are

not an experienced spell caster, your spell may not be as strong, and the results not as quick as you may desire. GET YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVE HERE AND BE FREE!!

Hello to people that want to be Great,

Note: This Spell casting do not have any effect on any one, But just to get your problem solve ok.
Get your problem solve in master...You can get the bellow problems solve here.

1. Bring back lost lover, even if lost for a long
time
2. Remove bad spells from homes, business
& customer attraction etc.
3. Get promotion you have desired for a long time at work or in your career.
4. Remove the black pot that keeps on taking your money away
5. Find out why you are not progressing in life and the solution
6. Eliminate in family fights
7. Ensure excellent school grades even for children with mental disabilities
8. Stop your marriage or relationship from
breaking apart
9. I destroy and can send back the Nikolos if requested
10. We heal barrenness in women and disturbing menstruation
11. Get you marriage to the lover of your choice
12. Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage
13. Ensure success in work and business
14. Mental illness & bewitched
15. Can’t sleep at night or walking at night
16. Recover stolen property and
whereabouts of people that hurt you.
17. Bring supernatural luck into your home
18. Extreme protection for those doing dangerous jobs like security guards, Bank manager, cash transporters, etc
19. GET YOUR SCAMMED MONEY BACK TO YOU AS HE CAN HELP YOU RECOVER YOUR LOST MONEY BACK BY DOING LOST MONEY RECOVERY SPELL FOR YOU.

I have over 20 years of spell casting experience, and i have successfully cast spells to help hundreds of people improve their love life, financial situation, and

happiness.

I can help you, and I want to help you. Read through my words and CONTACT ME VIA: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE

EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM. AS MY POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL. CONTACT HIM

AGAIN ON HIS EMAIL ADDRESS: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM..... YOU CAN ALSO CALL / ADD HIM UP

ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579


ODUCKAYAMUD said...




My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I

contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 24hours, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he

have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before DR ODUCK AYAMUD you are the best spell caster i really appreciate the love spell

you casted for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again DR ODUCK AYAMUD at:

oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM incase you are in any problem you can contact this man for help

he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE

EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM. CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM

AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.... YOU CAN ALSO CALL / ADD HIM UP ON

WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579






ODUCKAYAMUD said...




My name is Tracey Adams, My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 9 months before somebody

told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF

THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that she we either conceive in August 2018 or September 2018,but after two

years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to DR ODUCK AYAMUD, Because his predictions put us at ease, and I

honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. If you are in this kind of problem i will advice you to contact him

with this email: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS TO CONTACT HIM for you to have your own baby in the

family....YOU CAN ALSO CALL / ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579

ODUCKAYAMUD said...




HOW I GET MY HERPES CURED WITHIN 8 DAYS

I want every herpes patient to please read my testimony, my name is FLORA RUFER am from California in USA, I contacted genital herpes from my ex boyfriend who never

had any symptoms. I have had it for 4 months now., and it has affected my life. I have told my boyfriends who I trusted about it and I have never had a bad reaction,

it has affected my new relationships with penny and people think herpes is really a minor skin irritation herpes has a long term effects on health. The stigma attached

to this virus by ignorant people is ridiculous. Most people have herpes in one form or another. I would like to advise people on how I get rid of my herpes and I was

reading a comment on the internet,and I saw a testimony posted by a woman from island that she get rid of her herpes with the help of doctorODUCK AYAMUD and so I was

so happy when I saw that post, that his herbal medication is free and I quickly collected the herbal doctor email and I email him within 5 hr he respond to my email

and I explain things to him he told me not to worry that I should fill his herbal form wish I did and he only request for little money that he will use to buy the

items for the preparation of the herbal medicine, wish I send to him because the pain was too much for me to bear and after some days he told me that he has prepare

the herbal medicine, that I should send him my address that he want to sent it to me via DHL or FED-EX that was how I got the herbal medication and I use it as I was

told and after few days I found out that my herpes was no more and when some of my friend who has herpes saw me they were surprise and I also introduce them to the man

and they are also cure from the same herpes and if you have herpes, kindly contact DR ODUCK AYAMUD via this email:oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com

.... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS........ THIS MAN'S MEDICATION IS 100% EFFECTIVE AND ACTIVE .... CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com

OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS... so you can be happy again....YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:

+2347059232579



ODUCKAYAMUD said...




I want to use this medium to testify of how i got cured from HIV AIDS, HIV AIDS is known not to have a cure, I contacted this disease in 2017,before I get married to

my husband Mary, and I thank him for his courage and support towards the period of my illness. I have done all my best to get cured from this disease but all to no

avail until a friend of mine told me about a healing spell DR ODUCK AYAMUD on the internet who helps people cure any kind of diseases including HIV AIDS, Cancer,

Herpes etc, at first I doubted if it was real but decided to give it a try, when I contacted this spell caster he helped me cast a healing spell and I was healed

within two weeks ( 2days ) Contact this great spell caster for any kind of disease or ailment via this email : oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com

.... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS.................YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579

ODUCKAYAMUD said...




Hello , am Christine Ruffus from New York Texas, am 37 years old, I saw a comment posted by wandy brimm from Vegas, on how she was free from skin cancer with cannabis

CANNABIS OIL by DoctorODUCK AYAMUD , I was diagnosed of HPV infections for the pass two years , I contacted wandy and she told me that this very doctor cures HPV

cancer and he also cures HIV/AIDS too, then I contacted DR.OSCAR DILAN, so he told me what to do to get healing and free from HPV , so I make provisions for the HERBAL

CREAM which I used for two weeks and now just to see that the exact week which doctorODUCK AYAMUD told me I will be healed I was feeling good and healthy , my skin

regained, I went for check up in the hospital and my doctor told that me that all the virus disappeared from my blood vessels and normal, then DR ODUCK AYAMUD asked me

to promise him that I we testify of his good herbal work to the world, so I we like you to contact him ( oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU

CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS... ) if you have any health issue I believe doctor DR ODUCK AYAMUD we help you .... CONTACT HIM NOW: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR

oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS.................YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579

ODUCKAYAMUD said...


HELLO

DO YOU NEED EXCESS MONEY? You can achieve your dreams by being a member of the Illuminati. With this all your dreams and heart desire can be fully accomplish, if you

really want to be a member of the free Mashion of the Illuminati to be rich ,famous and powerful in life, contact now via email: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR

oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE ANY OF THE EMAILS ..... For application reply via email: oduckayamud49@yahoo.com OR oduckayamud49@gmail.com .... YOU CAN USE

ANY OF THE EMAILS AND YOU CAN ALSO ADD US UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2347059232579 .