Monday, August 18, 2014

The past couple weeks

The past couple weeks Have been a mix of ups and downs.
I am trying... some days struggling, to balance normal everyday things, like parenting and laundry and dishes and work, with not so everyday things, like cancer and grief and preparing little minds for all that awaits them shortly...
It is a up and down that I do daily.
We have regular moments like everyone else. Happy tickle fights, playing in the rain, dance parties in the kitchen... I'm trying to keep life looking as normal as possible for the boys. Which includes keeping up with Ryder and his abundance of energy.
 And some days there is whining, throwing of fits, disobeying and fighting... and that's just me... the boys have bad days too.   ;)
However, I have been blessed and encouraged by so many things... One of which is a HUGE outpouring of love and scripture. I get a handwritten verse in the mail every other day or so. It is so refreshing and comforting.
I also have a sweet friend who made me a quilt. Not only is it ADORABLE, but she used pictures of my little family. It has become one of my very favorite things.
Each day I struggle mentally with wanting to spend time with Rigg and Ryder and wanting to care more for Andy. It is very hard to do both... really impossible. I cannot spend as much time with Andy as I want... and give the boys the attention and care they need. This is one of the main reasons he moved to his parents home. It has been a wonderful blessing for all involved... but I still want to do it all... feel like I should be doing more...
I miss him being here.
However, life does not stop. School is starting soon and Rigg loved showing Ryder all around the school. Parenting is hard...but moments like this remind me it's all worth it.
The Captain is up and down too these days. He is sleeping more and more; 18-19 hours a day easy.  He has some alert and awake times, but they are few and far between. Usually only last for 20-30 minutes before he is nodding off again.
He is also battling more pain. Usually it is his head that hurts. But some of it has to do with the arm and hand he can no longer move. The muscle is not being worked and therefore atrophying and causing some pain. We are trying to keep ahead of it so he can rest more comfortably.
Andy still loves seeing the boys come by each day. They never fail to bring a smile to his face. A friend of ours came and built a ramp so we can wheel Andy out to watch them play outside. He has been wanting to watch Rigg ride his new bike; now he can. He usually falls asleep in his wheelchair before we can get him back inside... but he never complains.
The boys enjoy the ramp too!
Even if Andy is not up and awake when we are there they boys go in and love on him. They miss having their daddy at home too.

This past weekend we had a reunion picnic with our former Sunday School class. It was/is a LOT of young families with a TON of children. every time I mentioned it, Andy perked up and I could tell he really wanted to go. However, he is just not up for it. So after the picnic we traveled out to him. We prayed and sang a couple hymns. He nodded off through some of it... but it was a sweet time and I am always greatly encouraged and overwhelmed by how much love we are shown.
And the kids made quick work of covering my in-law's driveway with sidewalk chalk.

The past couple weeks have been hard. They have also been normal(ish)... and wonderful and heartbreaking and joyful. It is the tension we hold as believers in Christ. We have a big and mighty Hope in a big and Mighty God who is crazy faithful and amazingly loving... and He has shown himself to be big, mighty, faithful and loving the past couple of weeks... and I know He will continue to do so.


Ruth said...

Cari, a friend introduced me to your blog and FB page. You and the Captain are a wonderful blessing to many as you walk this road. Thank you for sharing!
You may already have it, but the book "Someday Heaven" is a great one for children the age of your boys. I teach in a Christian school and we have used it many times for helping our students. just a thought.
Prayers for you and your family from Texas!

Esther Falcetta said...


We met Michael Kramer and his family when his sister, Julie, lived with our family during her first year at RIT. Through the Kramers, we had an opportunity to meet Andy. I remember thinking he was a 'gentle giant'. I saw a post on Katherine's FB page and was so saddened to learn what your family is experiencing. A dear friend of mine navigated a similar journey with her brother and his family - dad, mom and two darling boys - dad peacefully passed into Eternity after a very long battle with cancer. We are praying for Andy, for you, for your boys, for your extended families...thank you for sharing so honestly and openly. Michael, Esther & Tessa Falcetta

Hockeygirl said...

Loving your sweet family...and all the people said AMEN

Glenda The Good said...

What a beautiful quilt! It is so nice to be able to wrap yourself up in the love of a friend and the love of your family. When Cheetah was in the hospital I felt that tearing of where I wanted to be all the time. I wanted to be with my daughter all the time, but I also wanted to be with my other children. It is so hard to feel that pull. I used to cry all the way to the hospital and cry all the way home. I think you just do the best you can. Watching you over these last few years I've been touched and inspired by how you are always turning to the Lord. We pray for you guys often in our house! All our love.