As always, I am almost ashamed at how long it's been since I've put up a post.
No other reason than I've been spending days with the boys and nights with the Captain.
Sometimes you just need a break from all the extras in life.
That, and it was taking all I had to keep up on my housework and family. I have discovered that when life hands me stress, I strip my "to-do" list down to the bare essentials. I seem to cope better that way. It does not escape my attention that this blog was a tool used in processing and working through my grief after the death of Caden. I would enjoy nothing more than to sit down each morning with a cup of steaming coffee and type my thoughts and feelings about life and how God is walking me... us, through it all. However, when Caden died, she was our only child... and I was a stay at home mom... I had TIME. An element I lack in abundance during the course of this new trial.
One day, I may have the required amount of time and time management to write and express all that I wish... now does not seem to be that time.
However, God has been faithful to provide other joyful pastimes throughout my days. The boys are filled to the brim with energy and curiosity, the laundry still refuses to do itself and, of course, there is the Captain to spend time with.
Last week had the added pleasure of almost three whole days with out of town friends. New York and Chicago gave up some residents, and I welcomed them with much squealing of delight.
In college, over the course of 2 years, three other girls and myself all inhabited the same dorm room. Room #359. We, the #359 girls, have stayed close. I grew up with one... so when Julie comes home to visit family I steal her as much as possible. The other two I do not see as often, but Jennie and Michele are far from strangers.
I was thrilled to have Julie and Jennie, as well as their kiddos, in town for a few days. Michele was greatly missed, but having just birthed her third baby a few days prior... we let her off the hook. We are nice like that.
We trekked the kids to the park, had a picnic, to the Children's museum... well past naptime, had another outdoor meal while all the littles played in the water, We also went to the zoo and road the train and the roller coaster... and played in the water again. The kids had a blast, and the mommies tried to get as much catching up and important news relayed in between redirecting, disciplining and quieting our children. As you can imagine, there were many unfinished conversations....
Although incredibly sad to see them go... the Captain and I had another big event to look forward to.
Rigg, the big 4 year old, started preschool.
He was so ready. The Captain and I talked to him for weeks about school. trying to prepare him. Rigg is the kind of child that cannot be hurried or forced into anything, if it is not entirely his idea, or to his liking... it will not happen without a fit or many tears. We took him to back to school night, to meet the teacher night, showed him his classroom, his cubby, got him a new back pack... new shoes. We talked up the big day as much as possible.
The night before I laid out his clothes and gave him a list for the next morning.
I told him that he was going to get up, eat breakfast, change clothes, brush his teeth, take a picture (had to put that in there or he would refuse) and then GO TO SCHOOL!!!
the last part was said with such enthusiasm on my part that strangers would have been excited to go to school.
On the first day Rigg woke up excited, breezed through his list of things to do and announced when it was picture time. I was beyond thrilled, because... it's Rigg, and although he is super sweet and delightful... he can pout and refuse with the best of them.
When we pulled up at the drop off at school, I told the principal, who was standing outside welcoming the kids, that Rigg might need help finding his classroom. He called over an older girl (6th grade maybe?) and asked her to walk Rigg to his class. Rigg hopped out of the van and jogged up to the door... entered the building not once looking back. He was ready.
I picked him up later that day. He was all smiles. However, when asked about his day he said "Mom! We just played, OK? (exasperated sigh)"
It was like interviewing a teenager.
Today was no different. He awoke excited, zoomed through his to-do list and demanded another picture. Funny boy.
We shall see if in three weeks he is still as stoked. -wink-
The Captain is slowly improving. Less fatigue, more energy, no headaches... no fevers. We pray the medicine is working and God is doing a miracle inside that lovely bald head!!!
An MRI is scheduled for September 5th, so we should know more then.
Andy was prayed over by the elders at church. It was a comforting moment. I do not know what God is doing. I do not know If He will choose to heal Andy and let us rejoice in His power and mercy, or if He will choose a different road and let us praise Him for His faithfulness and sovereignty and holiness. I do know that not a day of this trial, not a moment of this hard thing is wasted. God is using us to show others His faithfulness. He is using this circumstance to shape the Captain and myself... however uncomfortable that might be, into the people He wants us to be.
This cancer... no matter the outcome, is a work of God.
And it is not wasted... He will use this, my permission or not.
So I pray each day that I can let go... and let Him do what He wants done.
No matter what.
*still... stupid cancer...*