I find so many things burdensome lately.
I feel I complain all the time. It is not my wish or desire to mope and grumble, I simply find my mouth working faster than my brain. (such a terrible trait)
I hate that our life is in a weird limbo-type state. An ever morphing thing that requires more patience and flexibility than I am giving it.
I dislike our lack of routine. I dislike the fact that I cannot, with a level of certainty, plan ahead.
Poor Captain. He has to live with this grouchy, nasty lady.
I do not want to be her. I want to be thankful for all the ways God has provided, I want to rejoice that I can spend extra time with my precious family, I want to enjoy watching the boys learn and grow. I want to rest in the knowledge that God will take care of me... He will provide and He will do it in His perfect time.
And yet with all those wants, I still find myself, daily, behaving like a child.
I am wallowing in the discontent.
When, in fact, my life is not terrible. It is lovely, actually. Filled with family, home, fellowship... time. I have nothing to grumble and complain about.
Which makes my attitude all the more horrid.
I'll say it again... poor Captain.
A few weeks ago, at bible study, the speaker said the phrase "God's pleasure is a bigger deal than our pleasure."
I have not been able to get that out of my head. I know His will is, I know His plan is... But His pleasure...
It hit me in the face and smacked me around a little.
I am not called to be pleasured... I am called to be obedient, and that, in turn, makes God Happy.
My obedience brings God pleasure.
My complaining is not a good example of obedience.
My complaining does not bring God or me pleasure.
Therefore I should stop with the bad attitude and the verbal grossness.
I'm trying to work on it. I'm trying to rest in His choice for me, knowing it is the BEST He has for me. I know, because the scripture says so, that He is working this for my good. This time in my life, if I can lean on Christ and be obedient, will not be wasted. God can be glorified. I need to allow Him to shine through, though....
And it is hard to see happy shiny brightness through a surly grump.
I desire to be more shiny and less surly.
So I have started praying for my attitude, and that God can work through even the likes of me... and above all that I do not waste this precious gift He has provided...
An opportunity to glorify Him.
~ signed, a (hopefully) former surly grump ~