Blessings

I've been struggling with the everyday things lately.

Just being a mama is making me tired and worn. I snap at my babies too easily, I get angry too quickly, I find resentment in my heart daily.

And it makes me sad, it makes me feel a bit like a failure... as a mom, as a wife... as a follower of Christ.

I know from the outside it seems I may have "too much" on my plate.

But the reality is, this is what God has called me to right now. This moment... this day... this trial.

He has asked me to be a mommy to two amazing little boys, He has given me the role of wife to a wonderful husband, He has laid before me the task of trusting in Him for my future... for the Captain's future.

This is what He has asked of me right now... and I need to accept it with more grace. I need to bow to this decision that was not mine and take it up with more joy.

These things are very possible... I just need more Jesus to do it well.

I need to take more time to be with Jesus, in prayer... in study of His word... in acting out what I know to be right and true as opposed to acting upon my fleeting feelings.

My children should not bare the brunt of my sin.

My husband should not suffer from my lack of acceptance of what God has given.

People keep saying... you just need a break. And I agree... I do need breaks, and I have gotten more than I deserve. But I know my heart... I know my struggles... I need to accept, I need to humble myself to God's will for me.

I need to quit acting like a baby.

And this is going to take effort and time.

And trust in the God who loves me more than I can fathom.

On the way to church yesterday morning a song came on the radio. It is a song that I have heard a hundred times. I know all the words, I can sing it without thinking really... but yesterday while my boys were in the back giggling to each other and my coffee was warm in my hand, I heard the words afresh.

" What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise?"

I am given a rare gift... a chance to embrace a thirst that cannot be satisfied here. I have been granted a longing for Heaven that aches in my heart daily. Some days it just hurts to be here... and this hurt creates in me a desire, so great, for what I know to be true... a life forever with Christ.

The mercy of Christ in my life is the gift of drawing me closer to Him through trial and hurt.

"Yet Love is way too much to give us lesser things. What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know Your near?"

Some times, most days, I lose sight of the gift... I look upon it not as a treasure but as a burden.

It's all in perspective. When I can change my perspective... God can change my heart... and then my actions...and through that, my life.

And I want a life that reflects God, His character and His Love... not a life that smacks of anger and resentment.

Read the words to this song... let it speak to your heart today.

Laura Story

Blessings

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the achings of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise