uncomfortable

I have not been handling my life with grace and finesse lately.

In fact, I am a bit of a mess.

There seems to be too much change happening all at once.  I like to think I am a person whose down with change... who enjoys and even delights in the new and the excitement of it all.

But in reality, that is only how I feel when I want and/or direct the change.

Turns out, when change is happening and I am not on board... I'm a bit of a cry baby.

Who knew?

I had an excellent conversation a few days ago with a lady I just love.

I was explaining how The Captain being out of work for a time, and how our bank account being tumbleweed central has been uber stressful for me. I have been surprised at how poorly I have been handling it... given this is not my first rodeo... or however it goes.

I mean... I should be able to handle a crisis better by now... I have been trained. I have been shaped, molded... I have experience!!

But there is a deeper lesson I have not really learned.

I have coped. I have grieved with grace, I have changed my perspective, I have seen the faithfulness and graciousness of God firsthand...(granted all these are lessons that are learned over and over and over again) however...

I have not learned how to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.

I still struggle and try to change things... I still long for and wish and pray for ease... for sight. I want to see the road on which I walk. I want to know which direction I am headed. I can handle not driving the car... but I want to look out the window and see the signs!!!

I am uncomfortable.

I am discontent.

And it is a slap in the face to my God.

He has my life under control. He loves me and wants what is best for me. He has given me things to accomplish and He will provide.

And I am unhappy with how He has directed my path.

How ungrateful.

How selfish.

and I still struggle.

My heart has not caught up with my head.

So I have been praying.

Praying for contentment in every circumstance.

Praying for rest in His plan.

Praying for Peace in His provision.

Praying for comfort in the uncomfortable.

Philippians 4:11

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Philippians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

1 Timothy 6:6

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Hebrews 13:5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”