Monday, December 15, 2014

He is

I started this blog post 3 times.
I typed... I deleted.
I typed... I deleted.
I typed... I deleted.
I closed the tab and started to walk away and my phone dinged. A cute little app told me that a year ago I wrote this post about how crazy faithful God is.
I went back and read that post... and cried. I am so quick to forget all the amazing things my God does for me... and when I sit down, to try let others know that our life is heavy and hard and some days are beautiful and some days are just a slow drudge to bedtime... I forget that I have BOOKS I can write on God and His overwhelmingly abundant goodness and faithfulness.
I spent some time over the weekend adding rocks to my rock jar. It was such an amazing encouragement and reminder about how God truly is carrying me through...guiding me, protecting me, providing for me, and loving me.
So here I am. Typing again... but this time, instead of trying to make this post about me and my life... I'm going to tell you about my God.
 He has a plan.
I know that sounds crazy...especially to those who are looking at my life and trying to figure out what that is...
I'll give you a tip... don't. I don't know what God is doing. I just know He is doing something.
And it will be amazing.

How do I know my God has a plan?

Sometimes it's small things.

He uses.
People: I get about 4-5 emails/texts/calls/letters/messages a week telling me about how God has used my story, my life, my testimony to teach someone else about Him, or to encourage someone. I always shake my head a little because these notes are always so encouraging to me. God uses these people, who in essence are thanking me for loving God and sharing about Him, to encourage me to continue; they spur me on...give me added endurance and perseverance.

God has allowed me the opportunity to speak a few times this year. To share my life and my story... to tell about how amazingly He has held us in the midst of hard things. God has allowed me the opportunity to process and think on what He is doing and He has provided me with experience and knowledge in Him to share with others. By spending the time preparing to speak and by delving into what God is showing me He reminds me how much He has taken care of me and how much He provides and loves me.

Not just me, but my family, have had some amazing opportunities to share about Christ. With people all around, bringing meals, bringing gifts, spending time visiting, aiding in caring for Andy and being in and out of the house all day we have been surrounded by people. When you are around people so often they see how you live, really live...and some of these people do not believe in Jesus Christ. They have seen our lives, our situation. They see us dealing with death and sorrow and pain... but more than that they see these things.. they see Hope, and Peace... and Joy and laughter. And they are able to see these things because we know the only Son of God... and we have put our faith in Jesus.

My children are watching me - everyday - deal with some hard things. They are too young to understand the weight and gravity of what is going on around them, but I know they are taking it all in. They are absorbing awesome truths about God. Rigg and Ryder are learning that what they are being taught in church, what mommy tells them at home, the stories they hear in bible study... are true, proving in some small and in some very big ways that God is real and can be trusted.

He provides.
This past year has been filled with both some of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with as well as some of the most amazing things I have seen.
God provides in both.
 Last week Andy was having a great day... and then it was time for me to leave - go home and put the boys to bed. When I told the Captain we were going to go, he threw his covers back and reached for me, as if he wanted to try to go with us. I told him he had to stay and he was confused. Long story short, he had forgotten he was sick... I had to tell him. The news hit him like a ton of bricks. He was heartbroken...inconsolable for 20 minutes or so. Those 20 minutes were some of the hardest minutes I have ever had to live through. To watch him realize he was dying... to completely understand all the details and ramifications and then trying to comfort and console him was so hard. However, later, I realized what a precious gift those few moments had been. It was in those hard minutes that I was able to speak to him, really say things to him that I may never have another chance to say... he was all there, fully aware and that doesn't happen often. And for that moment in time he and I were able to grieve together, and I didn't feel alone. God gave us that, and I am forever grateful.

Also this year God has continually provided for my monetary needs. I have had design job after design job fall into my lap! As well as the trust to help pay bills and other expenses (new air conditioner and furnace)
And then you might remember the week from... well it was not a good week.   And at the end of said week I totaled my van. Well God stepped in in a huge way by providing a brand new car for me.
 Ephesians 3:20-21.
 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

He blesses.
See above about BRAND NEW CAR.
I have also been blessed by getting my home cleaned once a week. You might remember last year I mentioned that it was the best gift ever... I stand by that comment (although this year I do have a competing new car...)
This year has been filled with food. Meals coming from anyone and everyone! What a gift! To not worry about dinner, or shopping and making dinner is such a blessing, giving time and comfort to all of us. Along with the food, we have been the recipients of gift cards and care packages that all bring smiles and encouragement as well as help lighten the load.
And who can forget the fund that was set up to send the Captain on a trip to Colorado.
We hit our trip goal in under 6 hours! It was incredible. Not only did we go on the trip and have a great time... the fund remains open to help fund other needs. God has prompted people to be abundantly generous.

Because of all of these amazing things I can say with overwhelming confidence that,
He loves.
He is faithful.
In each and every circumstance this past year... in the good things, in the hard things, in the confusing things and in the joyous things... God has been there. Every moment has His almighty and powerful fingerprints all over them.
God has a plan for my life... He is using each day to teach me about Himself. He provides in astounding ways for me. My God blesses and gives and stuffs every inch of my life with His goodness and grace.
And He has allowed me to peek into His ways and see glimpses of what He is doing. He is not done... He does big amazing things... He is continuing to work in my family... in my life, in the Captain's life... and I have every intention of letting go and letting Him do His thing.



sunneysue said...

I love your blog. I too am going through the loss of my husband. He has a rare type of Early Onset Alzheimer's. He's 49. He is in the late stage now to where I have to constantly watch him like a child. I try to trust in the Lord, only I find myself feeling lost. Thank you for your posts. It helps lift my spirits. I have a blog if you'd like to visit. Thank you again.

Julie : ) said...

love you.

Lindsey said...

Your blog name sums up so wonderfully what you guys do day in and day out. So beautifully written...praying for you now.

Rhonda said...

I have thought over the years - especially this one - how providential your blog name is. I'm positive you didn't know how far reaching the spread of His glory would go through this little journal. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for encouraging this believer to believe even more.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog through your Instagram posts through a friend. You and your family are truly a God's light to those you touch. Thank you for your honesty. Your words are encouraging and a reminder of God's faithfulness and love.

Anonymous said...

You are such an amazing women. As I read through your blog I feel so humbled. The love you have for God is such an inspiration. Through all of your pain the one constant thing I get from reading your blog is how faithful God is. I pray that He continues to give you and your family peace.

Kate said...

Cari, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You, your boys, and your extended family are in my thoughts and prayers. I know Andy and Caden are rejoicing together in heaven. I pray your faith and strength carry you through this difficult time.

Steve Greene said...

Through tears I have read and been blessed by your Blog. I was referred here by a friend after he had read my recent post ( titled BIG Faith. He shared your story as a great example of BIG Faith and he was right! What a blessing and what an inspiration you are. My friend said, "you will not find bigger faith than this." He also referenced your great gift of being an engaging writer. God is using you and your story. Thank you!