She flew all the way from North Carolina and I fed her leftovers....

 

It is a bit surreal and kinda like a movie script... and yet it is the story of how I "met" and then IRL (in real life) met Lindsay.

 

Lindsay is a mama of three beautiful babies. Her firstborn, Ayden, is living in Heaven with Jesus.

And that is how we "met".

She and her husband lost Ayden almost a year after Caden died.

And by God's abundant grace and mercy she found my blog. Lindsay left a comment, I returned one on her blog.... and an unlikely friendship was born.

 

Now, as always, God knew what He was doing... Lindsay and I share much more than the knowledge of grief over a babe gone so soon. She and I love to read (the same books!) and we have the same movies memorized. We love coffee and sleep... and the same flavor cheesecake! (which is chocolate raspberry truffle, in case anyone was wanting to get me some cheesecake in the near future...)

 

Lindsay and I have chatted over the phone a few times, texted a lot and followed each other's lives by stalking the others blog. God united our hearts over the shared loss of a child, built a friendship during the long road of grief, and strengthened it over the past 4 years through Andy's battle with Cancer and the loss of her dad.

 

And then, Lindsay became super brave.

(she also is more blog efficient than I am and posted about her trip already....)

 

I received a text one day last winter/spring. She said she had asked for a ticket to Indy for her birthday... she was coming to visit!

 

BAM!

 

Life changing movie moment... I was finally going to meet my online friend.

 

(this was me on my way to pick her up... I was SUPER EXCITED!!! I might have peed 4 times before leaving the house!)

 

Ready or not... here she comes.... But I was crazy ready!! I had wanted to hug the stuffing outta that girl for years!

 

 

So on July 5th she made her way, with her ADORABLE daughter Charlotte, into my hug and into my home for a whole two days!

 

WE laughed, chatted watched movies, went shopping... and she was kind enough to eat all my leftovers. True friend! Although we did share a meal and a cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory!

 

 

The boys fell in love with Charlotte. Ryder keeps coming up to me even now and asking where baby Charlotte is! 

 

 

 

It took her awhile to get used to our dog, Bo, but when she finally stopped being terrified of him, Charlotte thought he was great!

 

 

 

God is truly an amazing God! It was as if I had known her all my life... she even saw me without my makeup... you know it's real then, people!

 

All too soon, it was time for her to go. I miss her and her southern twang!

Ayden's and Caden's deaths have done mighty works through the grace of God...

and my friendship with Lindsay is one of the awesome, life changing things God has granted me through this trial.

 

 

Lindsay, thanks for being brave and flying to hug me!

Love you!



So I married the Captain today... nine years ago.

Today the Captain and I have been married 9 years.

It is a bit hard to wrap my mind around. 9 years.

 

 

I am so blessed and thankful to have such a wonderful husband. He loves me more than I deserve.

 

We had plans to get away, just the Captain and me. A little road trip, a stay at a hotel... a warm dinner made and served by others, eaten without interruption or a tiny human crawling all over you.

But then the Captain started feeling poorly, same symptoms that put him in the hospital two weeks ago. So we had to cancel.

 

Don't feel too bad for me. My wonderful mother still took the kiddos all day yesterday and last night, so I had a whole day of sloth-like relaxation while Andy slept and tried to recover (the Doc called in and switched a med, hopefully relieving his discomfort and fever.... it worked OK yesterday afternoon and last night).

 

A very small part of me was disappointed at our last minute cancellation. A bigger part of me was not surprised. It seems lately we can't catch a break. I had a moment where I really just wanted to vent and complain... I wanted others to acknowledge just how sucky my life could be.

Then I took a breath and mustered up the energy to not act like I was 5 and prayed for a better attitude. God showed up. As He always does, with a proper perspective and a peace and contentment for my situation.

I've been telling myself for awhile, if God has given Andy the task of fighting stupid brain cancer, then it is my job to pick up the slack, to deal gracefully and lovingly with whatever my day brings. Whether that is parenting solo, running errands, chores, canceling really fun plans, or doing things that I just do not want to do. And if God has given me this job, this jack-of-all-trades-pick-up-the-slack-kind-of-job, then He has provided a way for me to do it well, with love and grace and joy.

I just tend to go my own merry way for a awhile before I surrender.

Its a process.

He's still working on me.

 

So instead of pouting all day yesterday, I enjoyed the rest and relaxation of being home without my boys.  It had it's own kind of loveliness. And today, on the day of our anniversary, I am nothing but thankful for my husband and my marriage.

 

 

It never ceases to amaze me how God can turn a persons heart.

That is a true miracle.

 

 



Andy & Cari's Wedding Reception from Richard Cobb on Vimeo.

 

 

InstaFriday: A hospital stay for the Captain

 

This week started off a bit slow and lazy for me...

The Captain was feeling under weather. He stayed home from church on Sunday because he didn't feel well. Then he stayed home from small group that night.

About 4 in the morning on Monday he woke me up because he was "freezing".

turns out it was from a fever.

He continued with a bad headache, fever, sever chills and overall achy-ness for all of Monday and Tuesday. Without any relief from his symptoms.

WE ended up in the ER late Tuesday night at the recommendation of our family doc.

 

We go to the ER about 10pm.

It was CRAZY full.

However, due to the nature of Andy's symptoms, the fact that he is a chemo patient... and all the points accrued on our frequent shoppers card, we were rushed right back... to the dirty looks of those who had already been waiting hours.

 

 

They ordered blood work, cultures, swabs and an MRI.

So we waited in the ER room for hours... He received his MRI around 2:30 am. I was trying to keep updates posted to Facebook and Instagram. It was so comforting to see all the comments and prayers that were going up for the Captain. I am always amazed at how God cares for us in the midst of trial.

 I went home around 5:45 am, with nary a wink of sleep,  to relieve my sis-in-law who had stayed with the boys.

 

Andy was being admitted for IV antibiotics and observation... but they were waiting for a room to become available. I was able to get about 3 hours of sleep thanks to my mom. And then I was off to the hospital again.

 

 

When I arrived, Andy's room was dark and he was miserable. He was still feverish, achy, and he said his head was almost unbearable. They had not let him eat and he was hungry. AS I arrived he was receiving something for the pain. However a pain pill on an empty stomach made him super nauseous.

He spent the morning throwing up, trying to sleep and freezing due to chills and fever.

As the day went on I was becoming more worried, he was having no relief from his symptoms.

Finally around 2 we saw his neurosurgeon. He told us, (finally) that Andy's MRI looked fine, that the blood work came back clean and that nothing was jumping out as to what was causing Andy's pain and fevers.

He orders a few more tests and administered some steroids.

The Captain was so tired and really wanted to rest. I was trying to be quiet, but I was in his way... so I came home and crashed. I woke up around 6pm and called him to check in.

 

It was the most amazing transformation... His voice was strong, he sounded upbeat and he said he was eating. He said about an hour after I left he just started to feel better. His sister and mom were up visiting and he had had no fever or pain since around 4:30.

 

Praise God!! Such an answer to prayer! After hearing this amazing news... and trying to post to those ever-important social media sites, I was able to finally unwind and rest. I SLEPT people.

I slept from 9pm to 8am. Straight through, in large part because the boys had their first sleepover at Mimi's and I didn't have to be a mommy for a day or so.

 

 

I showered, made the Captain coffee and trekked over to the hospital.

If Andy said he was feeling better yesterday... he was feeling GREAT on Thursday morning. We still had no answers as to what was the cause, everything kept coming back clean.

The docs took him off his pain meds and antibiotics and wanted to observe him for another 24 hours to make sure the fevers and headache didn't return.

There is still no answer as to what caused the fevers and other symptoms to begin with. There are 3 possibilities: a virus, swelling in the tumor bed due to radiation (you can have side effects from radiation up to 18 months after treatment) or a reaction to his chemo... which he hasn't taken since the beginning of June...

all are possibilities, but none are verifiable...

 

 

I took the boys to visit their daddy last night, they had not seen him for 2 days! Rigg and Ryder were taken very good care of by their Mimi and Mamaw. Even after all the fun and treats they had been given, they were VERY excited to see their daddy. Rigg just sat in a chair smiling from ear to ear, but Ryder could not be calmed... he needed hugs and kisses and lots of love.

Ryder cried for daddy for almost an hour after we left... break your heart...

 

 

So Andy is stuck in a room at the hospital at least until this afternoon. Hopefully his docs will release him and he can come home and spend some time with these 2 sweet boys!

 

 

I just talked to him and he said he is feeling awesome!

It was such a quick onset and an even faster turn around.

 

God is faithful friends!

Thank you, thank you , thank you for all your prayers and love for our family. We are always overwhelmed with the sheer awesomeness of God's love for us that He demonstrates through you!

 

 



We have a 4 year old!

Last Wednesday, June 19th, Rigg turned four.

 

He had been looking forward to his birthday since he turned three.

 

So, as you can imagine, he was super excited.

 

On the actual day of his birthday we hung out as a family and let Rigg pick what he wanted to do.

He chose the zoo, which has an excellent splash zone in addition to all the animals.

(Ryder has been talking my ear off about the baby elephant since we went...)

 

 

After a lunch at home and a gloriously long nap... we had ice cream (before dinner...WOW!)

 

 

 

Letting him choose his own birthday dinner lead us to McDonalds... shocker, I know... and then back home to watch a movie.

 

The very next day we went to the park and had cupcakes with friends. It was a HOT morning and both he boys were red faced and sweaty by the time we headed home. (and they slept like college kids on a Saturday morning for naps... )

 

 

 

Rigg's "official" birthday party was Saturday evening. He had been talking about his "birthday decorations" for dayzzzz. So, the Captain went all out. Rigg wanted Transformers, so Transformers is what he got! You cannot make Transformers cute, lovely, or in anyway adorable... so I didn't even try... and Rigg was thrilled!

 

 

 

He walked around just staring at the banners and telling anyone who would listen all the character's names and what they did, said or what weapon they wielded...

 

 

Since he is four, once everyone arrived we let him dive into his presents. He got everything he asked for and more. Of course the boy got Transformers... which took about a half an hour to open, another half an hour to read the PAGES of instructions (which Rigg calls constructions) and an engineering degree to actually turn the blasted things from robots to cars...

 

 

 

I am proud to announce that I can now transform Optimus Prime and Bumblebee into their respective vehicles and back again without any instructions whatsoever. Thank you, thank you... I will be here all week.

 

 (totally sneaking in this pic of the Captain and me... because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want...)

 

Rigg also received a big-boy bike which he is oh-so-excited about.

 

 

My favorite presents of Rigg's were 3 new pieces of artwork to hang in his bedroom. Comic book cover replicas. They are super awesome and look amazing in his room.

 

 

After presents we did cake and ice cream. The birthday boy was so stoked about all his new gear he said no to cake! I was dumfounded! Rigg has never said no to cake.

 

 

No worried though, he had some right before bed... it was his birthday after all!

 

The Captain and I are so proud of Rigg. He has such a sweet and sensitive little spirit... he can be hard to parent some days, but He is worth every second. We are so thankful to God for this sweet gift that is Rigg!

 

 

Happy Birthday, buddy! We love you!

 

 

 

 

 

Insta May

It would seem I cannot keep up with my own desires.

I very much desire to post regularly, and you can see how well I am doing.

I, at one point in time, was regularly posting my weekly Instagram pics. And that has, sadly, also fallen by the wayside.

'Sigh'

 

 

However, today, I shall attempt to make it up to you by posting so many pictures your eyeballs will dry up looking at them all.

 

You're welcome.

 

Here is a summation of the past month or two via my camera on my phone.

Instagram style.

 

 

 

Ryder, who is all boy and very rough and tumble, stops all falls with his face. therefore, it should have come as no surprise when he knocked out his own tooth. He is not yet two and a half and the child has already had stitches and busted out a tooth... sigh, I am going to be gray haired before I'm 35. Ryder will now sport a hillbilly hole in the front of his mouth till he grows in his permanent tooth, around age 7 or 8. double sigh. I keep telling hi, as well as myself, that it gives him character... and character breeds perseverance, which we all need.

 

This is my beautiful friend, Cristi. She and I have been friends since we were 12. I love her to pieces. She gets, and accepts my crazy and my sarcasm... we like the same things and, although we are INCREDIBLY different, God has given us a shared understanding of each others personality... and a desire to still be friends! Cristi, her mama, my mama and I went to dinner and a painting class as a gift for my mama's birthday. It was so much fun... and we all came away with a painting! 

 

This picture was snapped just after Jo, Crisit's mama, whacked me in the back with her still very wet painting. I had to come home and immediately wash my shirt.

 

Because of Ryder's new hillbilly hole, the boys had their first dental appointment. They did not get their teeth cleaned... the got their smiles shinned!

Rigg did a terrific job! Ryder was a bit terrorized, but Rigg, being a "hero" for his brother, held Ryder's hand during the shinning process.

 

 

 

Spring has sprung 'round these parts. We have taken the many lovely days to walk barefoot in the grass, throw many, many rocks into creeks, climb trees, and play on playgrounds.

Spring and summer are very high energy with young boys.

 

 

 

 

Ryder continues to stretch me. He is adorable, which is one of the only reasons he's still in one piece at the end of a long, tiring day.

 

Rigg is also adorable, but much less tiring. Rigg has a sweetness that pulls at your heart. whereas Ryder is mischievous and hilarious, Rigg is silly and curious. They are so different, yet share so many similar traits. Both of these boys are a joy.

 

My friend, Lauren, and her husband Scott speak each year at a walk for healthy babies. She speaks of the life and loss of her baby boy, Michael.  Lauren does such an amazing job sharing their story and giving encouragement to others. She and Scott are now the proud parents of a baby girl, Isla... who just might be the prettiest thing I've seen in a long, long time!

It's such a privilege to go and walk alongside Lauren and remember her baby boy!

 

 

Nothing like crusin' with the Captain in the minivan.

He's feeling well, working  rebuilding his energy after his chemo treatments each month. With the spring came a new interest in yard work for the Captain. We have many beautiful flowers blooming and thriving under his care. I'm super thankful, because I know I would kill them dead away.

 

I got this amazing dresser at a vintage craft fair a couple weeks ago. I heart it so much I squeal a bit each time I see it.

Swoon. 

 

Parenting boys insists on you finding places in the world like this... magical boy heaven. Mud, water, rocks... a tunnel... what more could you ask for?

 

Never without a project, I took a couple days and spray-painted two chairs and reupholstered them. Now I have extra seating for guests!



 

My sister-in-law lives with us. Her room is directly below Rigg's. She taught the boys how to "secretly communicate" to her by talking yelling screaming into the vent. So many times have I come across this scene... sigh, sometimes she's not even home...

 

 

This is Ryder's idea of relaxing.

I kinda feel that way too, on a hammock.

 

 

Ryder's personality is really blooming, lately. He is becoming quite the character. I find he does a lot of things because Rigg does them, but sometimes... he breaks out from Riggs shadow and declares himself his own man. Almost hourly I have a very good belly laugh at something he does or says...

 

 

Rigg was having a terribly difficult time the other night. I tried everything in my arsenal to calm him, but he was having none of it. Finally at my wits end, we FaceTimed Pops, (my dad). Dad came to the rescue by telling Rigg the story of The Monster at the End of the Book, Grover voice and all! Rigg was so entertained and caught up in the joy of the moment he forgot his problem... whatever it was, and laughed and laughed.

Big win for Facetime, big ginormous win!

 

Big sticks and smacking leaves... I may never understand boys...

Some days God smiles on me and allows my eyeliner to be perfectly symmetrical. These days are few and far between... so I feel I have to capture the anomaly on film or whatever I capture it on....

 

The Captain had his regularly appointed MRI just yesterday. While he is off getting his brained scanned, I drink too much coffee and twitch in the waiting area.

The scan looks OK.

There is a "very, very, very tiny speck" that the Doc called to our attention. She said it was so small, that even if it i something, and she was uncertain if it is, it would not register with the profusion (what they use to measure tumor activity in the tumor bed)

Other than regrowth of the tumor, this speck could be absolutely nothing. It is visible on his previous scan, which came back negative for profusion, it just happens to be a bit more pronounced this time. She said this could be just the difference in technique and timing of the use of contrast in the MRI process. Time will tell, and we have to let it declare itself.

So Andy will have another MRI in a months time, instead of two moths.

Please continue to pray. That this truly is nothing, that God would heal the Captain completely... That, ultimately, God would be glorified in our lives and through Andy's battle with cancer.

 

 

Last Sunday we were invited to a friends church to share our story. The sermon was over Joshua 4, and the speaker was focusing on remembering what God has done and retelling what God has done... with an emphasis on rocks...

So the Captain and I were able to use our rock jar and tell of Gods great faithfulness in our lives.

It was such a blessing to me to tell others of what God has provided. I was encouraged and comforted as I prepared and "relived" my life on a paper outline.

 

People, life is hard, But God is good and faithful in all circumstances and to all who are called according to His purpose.

Do not fret, God is with us.

 

Psalm 31:24

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.