Today is Caden's third birthday. I mentioned once before that (before this past September 22nd) I always looked to Caden's birthday as the day to celebrate her life and the day she died was a sad and somber affair. Now, even though I do want to acknowledge her birthday and celebrate her life, I want even more to celebrate her Heaven Day... because she is with Christ, and living like she never could have here.
I miss her like crazy. Every now and then I gaze around my house... my life, and I realize there is something missing... a shadow of curly blond hair, a giggle, a dolly, pink... a beautiful little life... a girl. She was and is still such a precious gift. We ache with the loss of her. We long to have her close. We grieve over a partial family.
But we have HOPE.
We know that everyday we live without her is one more day closer to eternity with her.
Lord come quickly
remember to pause the music at the bottomof the page to hear the video.
I always look forward to the labor and delivery part of pregnancy. I find it so exciting to be in the hospital and just living those few short moments before your life changes forever. The anticipation and nerves and ice chips...ahhh. Knowing that in just minutes you get to see the little one who has been slowly taking over your body, mind and life these past few months is one of the most exhilarating feelings.
Then there is the after glow...all the visitors and family that come to oooh and ahh over your new baby. All the nurses that go on and on about how cute they are and how they fight over holding them in the nursery... I love it all.
With each child I have had wonderful experiences. But this time I had 2 unexpected blessings.
After I was moved and settled in my post-partem room most of my family returned to see and love on Mr.Ryder again. As my mother-in-law walked in she asked if I knew anything about the angel and frame for Caden. ?!?!?!?! What? Needless to say, I knew nothing of it... so much so of nothing, I had no idea what she was talking about. She explained that by the nurses station there was an angel and a frame with " In Celebration of Caden Joelle Chastain" on it...and it was the only one there! I said I would try and figure it out. So I asked my nurse. She didn't know, but said she would try and find out who made it. When she found out I was Caden's mommy, she looked into it a little more. A wonderful lady who happens to attend BSF with me, used to work on the post partem floor. She made the frame and set it out for all to see. Evidently it has been out there quite awhile! So along with everyone coming to love on my new little man, I had many nurses come in to say hello to Caden's mommy! I cannot tell you what that meant to me. To be acknowledged not just as the mommy of 2 little boys... but for people to know I am Caden's mommy. I said many a prayer of thanksgiving and praise to God...who gave me such a wonderful, unexpected gift.
The next morning, after I was freshly showered and fed... I called and asked the nurses to bring Ryder back from the nursery. A few minutes later the door opens and in walks Lou!
I can tell you have no idea why this is so darn exciting... So I will explain.
When Caden was born she broke her collar bone. She had to be taken to and from x-ray by a nursery worker. The lady who was assigned was named Lou. She was so nice and sweet and she LOVED Caden. She would go on and on about how beautiful she was and how much she enjoyed holding and rocking her in the nursery. She was always the one who would bring Caden to and from the nursery. She went on and on about Caden so much that she touched my new mommy heart in a way the other nurses didn't.
When (the Captain and) I had Rigg I asked about her. I was told she was very sick. Lou has always been one of those people that flit through my mind on occasion. So I began to pray for her... the lady who loved my Caden.
AND THEN SHE WALKS INTO MY ROOM WITH RYDER!!!!!
I jumped up and practically yelled her name. I think I scared her a bit... you know "who is this crazy lady who knows my name?" kind of thing... When I realized she was startled and confused I explained who I was and that I had been praying for her and that I was SO happy to see her. She stayed a bit and talked with me, told me about being sick and that she had heard about Caden... she was broken-hearted. She then told me that she had lost a son at the age of three. I listened and cried. We hugged and thanked one another. When she left I said yet another prayer of praise and thanks for another unexpected gift. Lou came back later and gave me a present... a beautiful bracelet. Now I can remember Lou in more ways then one.
And because I have no glorious segue sentence... Here are some pictures of our last day at the hospital before coming home.
Tonight I was able to accomplish some things I had wanted to do before Ryder arrives. You might remember what the nursery looks like...and the name decal over the changing table.
Well, it has now gone from this...
Now the space is all Ryder's.
We have also been working on Rigg's big boy room. I have opted, so far, not to share much because it is not finished. But the Captain took pictures tonight as we were getting some stuff done, so I will share. It is still a work in progress.
Me, in all my pajamaed glory, putting up Rigg's new name decal.
Super fun lime green dresser...I just love this.
Lockers I found on Craig's list. Rigg's new favorite past time is to put Rufus or other toys in the lockers and shuffle them around.
Here is some of the bedding and the inspiration for the colors.
And here is the main man himself, looking super cute!
and eating staken' shake while no one was watching...
and kissing baby Charlie.
I think we are ready for Ryder now... maybe he was just waiting for me to get his name on the wall... well, if that is the case, I have done my part!
It is hard to believe we have come so far... from Unobservant Andy...To just waiting for the little man to arrive. God has been so good to us.
Hey all,If you do not know us, the first thing you should know is how much we love the Lord our God, and we are striving to live lives worthy of the title, Believer.
The second is we are praying everyday for His return. On that day we will be reunited with our precious baby girl Caden, the treasure of our hearts. Since the death of our daughter we have battled grief, hurt, tears in public, brain surgery and chemo. We have also celebrated new life in the birth of our 2 sons. So come, read, share and enjoy the life God has given us. Although it is not perfect, or even what we had planned it is what He wants for us, so we choose to rejoice.
"Michael said Caden's funeral felt like a wedding. I smile to type that, because in many ways, it was: a celebration of one little bride being united with the Lamb."
our big Rigg
things that make me laugh
I came back into the room from treating myself to a nice, cold diet coke when I saw the Captain playing with Rigg. He was making the stuffed animal dance in the air toward our son and saying in a sing-song voice “Here comes the zebra.” I looked at him and said in the exact same sing-song voice “It’s a giraffe.” To which the Captain, with only the briefest pauses, sing-songed back the reply… “Daddy had brain surgery.“